Midnight Blue
by LFC Hotstuff
Summary: Does Edward decide to give immortality to the dying husband of the woman he loves? What would you do?
1. Chapter 1 Goodbye My Angel

_This was originally a One-shot that I have already written into a full fic. I have several chapters in hand and if you like it... leave me a comment and that will speed up my updates. _

_I have several people to thank here. Let me start with Lindz who made the awesome banner and who beta'd the One-shot version of this story which is now Chapter one.  
_  
_Next, thanks to my amazing pre-readers, Keye Cullen and Shadow_Kissed, both are quick to give me their comments and suggestions for they know that patience (and waiting) is a virtue that I lack._

_This chapter may require you to keep a box of tissues handy. Just sayin'! I also suggest that you listen to the playlist while reading the story. You can go to my profile by right clicking on the profile tab and opening another window. I must say that Midnight Blue will rely heavily on music as a background. I will be posting lyrics beginning Chapter 2._

_Thanks for reading my short commentary! Have fun!_

* * *

**Chapter One: Good night my Angel**

**EPOV:**

Another day in the land of the humans, cohabitating with them as if I was a normal human being too. This was my everyday for the past 90 years. Just another night full of boring humdrum of inane human conundrum, a life I chose to lead. As a vampire, I hid under the mask of being human, trying my best to fit in.

There was no other way to go. Few of my kind went my route and others chose to live in darkness. I decided to subsist in the manner I saw fit. I had no qualms with the life I opted to lead. I faced everyday like a soldier going out to war with no inkling of what lies ahead.

Loneliness had been my companion day in and day out. I spent all my time at the piano bar that I owned here in the heart of New York City. Midnight Blue. I played the piano nightly on the bar where people flocked to hear me play. Many of them were regular patrons and people I had known for some time now, others were tourists from all over simply looking for a good time.

Tonight would be like any other night, I mused, as I moved around my loft, a combined office and sleeping quarter, right on the top of the club. I checked myself in the mirror, sporting my usual attire of jeans, black cotton shirt, black blazer and black converse. I ran my fingers through my tousled golden hair and deemed myself ready to mingle and work the night away.

The bar was almost filled to capacity. Friday nights were always the busiest considering the onset of the weekend. I looked around the darkened room and begun the tedious task of listening to the general thoughts of the people around me. I nodded at Sidney, another vampire who happened to be one of the better bartenders in the city; he gave me the thumbs up, confirming that everything was running smoothly in his department.

I walked towards the raised platform where the baby grand was located, Enrique was playing his last piece for the night and my turn would be coming up shortly. I slid behind the curtain by the stage to start the jazz music that usually played during intermissions.

I moved back to the bar next to Sidney and poured myself a shot of Lagavulin scotch, my favorite. I downed the glass and fixed myself another to be brought to the stage with me.

Surveying the place where slurred speeches and raised voices surrounded me, I prepared myself for my set. I had a boatload of piano repertoire that I played alternately. With the addition of music request which had been hugely popular among the bar regulars, we accommodated music requests from the audience on the second half of our piano session.

I sauntered to the stage as the lone spotlight illuminated the piano mostly, showing a bit of my form behind it. Enrique ended the jazz music playing overhead and handed the microphone to me. I cleared my throat before I addressed the audience.

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Midnight Blue where the language of life is made through music. I am Edward Cullen and I will be taking your request in the next hour. Sit back and relax. Thank you."

Sitting on the piano bench, I inhaled and exhaled slowly and started on the ivories with one of my original compositions. I played with my eyes closed, muting the sounds of thoughts and chatter around me. I let the music dictate my every move as I fingered the keys with all the emotions repressed within me.

After thirty minutes or so had gone by, I stopped and took a sip of my scotch and reached inside the glass jar that contained the music requests. "The first request for the night is a piece called _Looking Back_ by Jim Brickman, and it is requested by Bella Davis and she is dedicating this piece to Joe Davis. Bella let us see your hand please."

I called out to the crowd and a minute passed with no one from the audience to acknowledge the name. I searched the thoughts among the population for a fraction of a second and my search focused on a lone figure sitting by a booth, staring out the window. Oblivious to her surroundings.

"This is for you Joe, from Bella," I said before turning off the microphone. I began playing the musical piece while my mind drifted off to the silent thoughts of the woman who made the request. I couldn't see her face from where I was sitting. I called another request after I finished the piece that Bella Davis requested, it was from her again and the next few ones after that too.

I was stunned with the mournful emotions running through her mind and I cringed at notion of someone going through what she was experiencing at the moment. I finished my session after almost two hours of playing non-stop.

Amidst the clapping and applause, I made my final bow and headed straight to the bar. I tapped Sidney in the back and enquired about the drink order coming from Bella Davis' table. She had ordered a bottle of Cabernet for herself. I poured myself a glass of Lagavulin, drank half of it and let the amber liquid coat my throat with its numbing effect. I was deliberating whether or not to approach the silent woman.

After all, I made it a point to mingle with our customers so I had an acceptable excuse to introduce myself and chat for a bit. I beckoned Enrique and told him to cover for my next half at the piano.

I made my way to her booth through the maze of tables in between. The slow jazz melody was playing while some couples were slow dancing by their table.

"Hello?" I started tentatively, raising my voice above the music and repeated myself when she didn't seem to have heard me.

She turned after several hellos and when she looked up to meet my eyes, I was startled with the expression in her face. She had the look of a person who just lost someone dear to them. Her tear stained face held sadness and emptiness.

She hurriedly wiped her eyes with the table napkin and smiled slightly at my greeting. "I'm so sorry, I didn't hear you at all." Her apology was unnecessary but I didn't patronize her, instead I held out my hand to introduce myself.

"I am Edward Cullen; I played all the pieces you requested." She took my outstretched hand and shook it lightly. Her hand felt so cold not-withstanding the fact that she was halfway through the wine bottle.

"Oh that's right, I saw you playing up there. My name is Bella Davis," she said as she gestured with her hand to the stage.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I asked and waited for her response. She hesitated but nodded her head, looking away.

"Thank you." I sat opposite her and watched her face and listened in on her thoughts. She was crying inside. I sought to break the silence.

"How did you like the piece I played for you?"

"Huh?" she replied absentmindedly before she regained her poise. Her eyes were brimming with tears when she finally looked my way. "I..am sorry, what did you say?"

I smiled a little to show that I didn't mind repeating myself at all. "I asked if you like the piece that I played for you."

"Oh yes, that was our favorite…." Her lips began to quiver and she cupped her face with her hands, unable to control her sobs.

I sat there debating whether I should leave her alone but my instinct told me to stay so I waited for her sobbing to quiet down before I spoke.

"Ms. Davis, can I get you anything? Water perhaps?" I asked as I handed her a spare table napkin which she readily accepted.

"No, no thank you. And please call me Bella," she said as she poured another glassful of cabernet into her empty wine goblet.

"Bella, is there something I can do for you?" I didn't want to pry into others peoples business but my intuition told me to offer in this particular situation.

"Do you have a good set of ears Mr. Cullen?" her question threw me off but I nodded.

"Please, call me Edward."

"Edward, my husband is dying and I don't know what to do." If not for my acute hearing, a normal human being wouldn't have heard her whispered statement.

Her tears flowed freely when she said this and I sat there unable to move. I wanted to hold her and comfort her but it wasn't the proper thing to do. I left my hands by my side and tucked them under the table to keep from reaching out to her.

"I am very sorry to hear that." That was all I could say as I watched her weep, her misery and pain were palpable as she continued so for what seemed to be a long stretch of time. I looked at her face intently, memorizing each expression that crossed her lovely but grief stricken face. The black shadows under her eyes told me that she hadn't had much sleep. Her deep brown eyes were murky from crying and her long brown hair seemed lifeless as they rested on her shoulders. My innate sense told me that she hadn't been eating judging from her hallowed cheeks and the gaunt lines on her face. Her shoulder blades were visibly sticking out under the t-shirt she was wearing. She had got be one of the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on despite her present physical appearance.

"I don't usually talk to strangers but you seem to be a kind soul Edward and I have no one to talk to at the moment." She bit her lips when she said this and my dead heart ached for her.

"Consider me a friend, Bella," I offered.

She looked at me sadness I haven't seen before, hesitation crossed her face but she spoke after a silent reflection.

"Joe, my husband of five years is dying of brain tumor, it has metastasized all over and the doctor gave him only several months to live." She put her head on her arm that was resting on the table and cried with desperation.

I wanted to stroke her hair as I knew humans thrived on touch when it came to moments like this but I restrained myself from making any physical contact with her.

"I don't know what to say Bella."

"Nothing can be said or done anymore, we have seen numerous specialists and the prognosis has been the same. They found the tumor but it was embedded in the part of his brain where an operation isn't advisable anymore. The chemotherapy didn't work nor did the radiation either." Tears were streaming down like a floodgate was opened and Bella didn't even bother wiping her tears anymore and her voice cracked with every syllable she uttered.

"Where is he right now?" I asked wondering why she wasn't at his bedside.

"He is across the street at Lenox Hill Hospital. They admitted him last week because he couldn't keep anything down and his pain had been unbearable. He is on morphine drip right now, so he is pretty much drugged up and sleeping most the time."

Bella's sobbing decreased and her speech was almost back to normal as I sat quietly just listening to her. I didn't know what to say at the moment except I was sorry. She needed to vent out her feelings more than she needed soothing words. No wonder she was drowning her sorrows with alcohol. I understood her logic and I didn't say anything when she poured herself another glass of wine.

"That's another song I requested," she whispered wistfully as the melody of _Everything_ played softly in the background.

I watched as she drank half of the glass content in silence. I continued to listen to her silent thoughts as she fidgeted with the glass, watching the red liquid dance about as she swirled the glass around. She truly loved this man, Joe, her husband. She was scared of what would happen if he passed away. Would she be able to survive without him? He was the love of her life, the only one person she truly cared for. She wanted to take his pain away but she didn't know what to do. Why him, she asked herself over and over again. Why was he going to be taken from her so soon? They had been so happy together; Could this be her penance for whatever her sins were from the past? All her questions came in a violent and unstoppable flow.

Bella was drunk already and her speech slurred when she spoke again. "I can't live without him Edward. I just can't." Tears were still pouring unrestrained.

I gestured for one of the waiters who came over instantly. "Duke, can you get me a glass of water please and coffee also."

"Bella, I don't think you should drink anymore," I said gently as I moved the bottle to farthest end of the table, out of her reach. She simply looked at me as more tears trickled down.

"I have a room/office upstairs and I will have my sitting hostess take you there so you can wash your face and freshen up. Wait right here while I call her."

I got up from the booth and walked over the entrance to speak with Lucy who readily agreed to my request. I gave Lucy the key to my loft and returned to Bella who was back to staring outside the window again. She had her arms wrapped around herself as if she was holding herself together. I could hear the chanting in her head. _I love you Joe, please don't leave me._

"Bella, Lucy over there will take you to my loft now." I offered my hand to help her up and she shyly accepted my outstretched hand as she slid off the booth.

I walked to the bar and poured myself another shot of scotch. Alcohol really had no effect on us vampires, but the idea of its soothing relief was good enough for me.

"Hey boss, what's the matter with you? You are drinking more than I've ever seen you drink before." It was a question I didn't want to answer. I glanced at Sidney, a friend over the years, and just shook my head. He didn't wait for any answer as he went back to take bar orders. I walked up to him to ask my question.

"Have you seen that woman I was talking to here before?"

"Sure, she's been coming here for a week now, requesting for the same booth everyday and ordering the same bottle every night." Sidney furrowed his eyebrow but didn't say more.

"Thanks man." I offered him my fist which he bumped in return with his. I went back for another shot as I looked to the door leading to my loft upstairs. I felt something in me that changed when I first set my eyes on Bella. I had an idea what it was but under the circumstance. I would not nurture my feelings nor encourage myself to go for it.

I strode to the piano where the request jar was located and fished for a handful of papers and all of the ones I got had Bella's requests written in them. Some had the same songs, mostly piano pieces that I knew by heart. I could feel my still heart tearing at the thought of her impending lost. Was this the end of their love story? Would Bella survive when Joe ceased breathing?

I shook my head as the feeling of dread washed over me. How could I let something like this affect me? All these years I've existed, I managed to distance myself from such turmoil and misery. But now, I felt like I was submerged in the middle of it. Some sounding board I was.

I saw the door open out of the corner of my eye and somberly watch Bella emerge with Lucy who had her arms draped on Bella's shoulder, guiding her. I could tell that Bella had difficulty walking in her present state of inebriation.

I walked up to them and took it from there. "Bella, should I call you a cab or are you going back to the hospital?" I took her elbow and guided her out of the club so she could get some fresh air.

"I am going back to the hospital. I have to be with Joe when he wakes up." Even in her drunkenness, Bella could only think of her husband. I could only admire her fierce love and loyalty.

"Okay, let me walk you there then." I held her by the elbow and guided her through the patches of dark and lit blocks to get to Lenox Hills Hospital. I walked her to the main entrance of the building and waited for her to look at me.

"Thank you so much for listening… I don't know what's gotten over me. I don't usually just blurt out my life story to strangers. You must think I am crazy." She shuddered as a cool breeze swept in our direction. I took off my blazer and draped it around her shoulder.

"I know you don't Bella and I don't think you're crazy." I took out my wallet from my back pocket and took a business card and handed it to her.

"Here's my card, call or text me if you need someone to talk to."

She took the card and briefly glanced on it before she shoved it in her purse. "Don't be surprised if I do. Thanks again Edward. It was nice to meet you."

"The pleasure was all mine, Bella," I answered with sincerity and she saw it in my eyes.

She nodded before turning around to walk inside the building. I waited long enough to see her disappear behind the elevator doors before I headed back to Midnight Blue.

* * *

_Buzz…. Buzz_

The buzzing from my phone took me out of my reverie the day after I met Bella. I took my cell phone from my jean pocket and saw a text message from a number I didn't recognize.

_Edward, I wanted to tell you how thankful I am for your kindness. I hope I didn't scare you away. Bella._

I smiled at her reference to her drunken state the night before. I texted back, fast and eager as my fingers barely touched the keypad.

_I am here anytime you need big ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Be well Bella. Edward._ I hit the send button and stayed in bed, thinking.

Thinking of how fast my attraction to Bella grew by the minute. Puzzled at how easily I was falling for her. She was a married woman for Pete's sake and the timing was so wrong. I guess suppressing my feelings would be the only way to go.

Bella returned to the club several times that following week and we talked mostly about her relationship with Joe, how they met and how happy and secured their lives were until the day they found about his brain tumor. The massive and frequent headaches he was getting and the day he had a seizure while in the shower.

Bella had to relive her nightmare one more time as she gave me every heart wrenching detail about Joe's treatments and seizure attacks. Their hopes of having a family had been put on hold until he got better. Joe was a fighter, for he refused to let his illness get the best of him. I could see the admiration and adoration in Bella's eyes as she spoke about her husband.

I allowed myself to feel envious of Joe. He was a lucky man to have Bella as his wife. She was one of kind, a woman that every man would be proud to have in their life.

Every night Bella would order the same bottle of wine and would drink most of it if I didn't remind her that she had enough. The bottle, she explained, was their favorite wine. They discovered the little boutique winery during one of their anniversary trips to Napa Valley, California.

One morning, I got a text from Bella that Joe would be discharged home. Joe would get a daily visit from nurses who would see to his Intravenous therapy at home. Bella mentioned that Joe was ecstatic on returning home and I congratulated Bella who sounded really upbeat by the improvement that Joe was showing.

We continued texting during the weeks that followed. Her visits to the bar stopped as soon as she had Joe back home. I would lie if I said I didn't miss her. I missed seeing her seated across the booth. I missed the animated look in her face when she mentioned the happy days she had when Joe was still healthy. The way her eyes would light up with every single remembrance of their trips and anniversaries.

I missed her terribly and my daily existence passed in obscurity. Even my piano playing had been greatly affected. I found myself going for the more somber pieces that matched my mood.

I couldn't say I wasn't happy for her. I was happy because she was happy and that was all I cared about. Bella was truly the only one who made me feel this way. I guess things were not always how we wanted them to be. I just considered myself lucky to be given the chance to meet her, to have her in my life, even if it was only in a friendly capacity. I would take any scraps thrown my way if that would give me a chance to see her.

Buzz…. Buzz

Another text message from Bella came in as I was finishing my first round at the piano bar. I hurriedly took my cell phone out of my jean pocket to read her message.

_I told Joe about you last night and he wants to meet you._

I smiled at her message for I would love to meet the lucky man who was making the woman I loved happy.

_Sure, I can come by your place next week. How does Monday sound? _

_That would be great. 11AM okay? 1435 12__th__ Street. See you then._

_Great! I'll see you guys then,_ I texted back.

I stashed my phone back in my pocket and wore the silly grin all night long to the amazement of all my employees. Sidney was the only one who had the nerve to call me on my long face during the past weeks. He shook his head and continued pouring and serving cocktails to some waiting bar patrons.

Monday would be four days from today. It would stretch for eternity but it was something positive worth looking forward to.

I breezed through the following days with renewed energy. I had mixed feelings during my waiting period, anxious to see or even get a glimpse of Bella and finally meet Joe.

As I was getting dressed that Monday morning, I got a frantic call from Bella. Deciphering the background noise told me that she was in an ambulance.

"Edward, cancel your plans to go to our house this morning. Joe had a big seizure and we are in an ambulance on the way to Lenox Hills right now. I will text you later with news." Bella didn't wait for my response because the line went dead even with my vampire speed taken into consideration, I didn't get to say a word.

I looked at my cell phone and hurled it against the wall. I lost my self control momentarily as I slumped on the floor, completely consumed by my emotions. I didn't know how to feel anymore. My heart went out to Bella and I felt for Joe. I could just imagine the pain they had gone through and more pain for them on the horizon.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I stayed in that position for some time 'til I regained some decent amount of composure. I took one good look at what used to be my cell phone, it had broken into several pieces, and I realized that if I didn't have a cell phone, there wouldn't be any way for Bella to contact me. I fished for the SIM card amongst the broken shards of glass and plastic that lay scattered on the floor.

I took off in a fast ran to the nearest phone dealer and purchased a new phone for myself. There was no way I would abandon Bella at the time that she needed someone to be there for her.

I waited for her text to come and it didn't come soon enough. When it finally came, I was pressing the button to read the message even before the last beep sounded.

_Joe is resting now, just a little setback. The tumor is definitely bigger and he is partially blind now. I am coming by later tonight. Bella._

I pictured Bella's face in my head as I read her text over and over again. I could imagine her blotchy and red face from crying, her eyes with permanent rings around them and the crease in her forehead that seemed to deepen with each passing day. I could see her small frame shaking with uncontrollable sobs. If I could take her pain away, I would have done so the first day we met.

I saw Bella enter the club while I was on the piano and my concentration went from little to non-existent. I played every piece like I was a stereo on auto-play. I saw her call one of the waiters and handed a piece of folded white paper to be handed to me.

The moment the first session ended, I unfolded the paper with urgency, like my life depended on it. She wrote:

* * *

_Edward,_

_Play something that you want me to hear._

_Bella_

* * *

I glanced in her direction and we locked eyes. I took the microphone and spoke for the first time to the audience. "This song is called _Lullaby, Goodnight my angel_ and I am dedicating this to Mrs. Bella Davis."

I started playing from the heart and every single time my fingers touched the keys felt like something in me was slowly dying. I had to sing and my voice broke on the first line. It seemed like forever before I finished the piece but I cannot recall the time where I sang and played with so much emotions and as heartfelt as I just did tonight.

A big round of applause broke when I finished the song. It was an added bonus for everyone present since I never sang to an audience before. I saw Sidney, Lucy, Enrique and the rest of my employees watching me intently as I stepped down the platform before they went back to their respective job duties.

I walked over to the very same booth Bella always requested for and sat across from her, my usual spot.

"Hello Bella…" My worst fear was confirmed. She had lost more weight since the last time I saw her and her face seemed lifeless now; even the smile she offered came flat and forced.

"Hello Edward."

I reached out to clasp her hand that was nursing the wine glass. She didn't pull her hand away at my touch. I gently caressed her hand with mine and said nothing. The music playing overhead drown every other chatter in the room, all I concentrated on was her heartbeat.

Bella finally spoke after several minutes of silence. "I think it's finally here, Edward. I think Joe finally decided to stop fighting." Bella tried to keep her lips from quivering as she said this but her emotions got the best of her. She sobbed as she hid her face in her hands.

I decided to move to the seat next to her and gently put my arms around her. She turned and buried her face in my chest and cried her little heart out. I softly massaged her back as I let her spill her tears. We stayed in the same position for a long moment before her sobs turned to little hiccups as she tried slowly on getting a grip of herself.

"Are you okay Bella? Have you had anything to eat at all?" I called over the waiter when she didn't answer and I ordered a chicken sandwich and a glass of milk for Bella.

"Thank you. I needed to get that off my chest. Joe doesn't want me to shed anymore tears and I've been holding back while I was with him," Bella offered weakly.

"I'm glad you did Bella. I told you, I am always here for you."

She smiled at my words. "Joe is asking for you to come and meet him tomorrow, while he can still see."

I sat completely still as I searched for the right words to say but nothing came to mind. "Sure, I will come by in the morning then."

I walked Bella back to the hospital after she'd eaten a few bites and drank the glass of milk. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella getting sick because she had neglected to take care of herself with everything that was happening in her life right now.

We said goodnight and I was off walking back to the club after a few minutes.

Since sleep was not a luxury I could enjoy, I lay in bed all night thinking about one thing alone.

Bella.

* * *

The vision that greeted me when I walked in Joe's hospital room was that of death. Everything around him spoke of the imminent, that death was just around the corner and could be knocking at any time.

I tapped the door gently and the figure lying on the bed followed the sound coming from the door. "Edward, is that you? I was expecting you. Can you come closer so I will have a better look at you? I think Bella told you that my sight gave way already." He chuckled as he said this, trying to make me feel at ease.

"Hi Joe." I extended my hand and he clasped it both hands that were riddled with needle bruises that ran from his arm down to the back of his hands. Yet he shook my hands with a firm grip. He was deathly pale and terribly thin but I could see beyond the broken exterior that he was once a good looking gentleman.

"Nice to finally meet you Edward. Bella has told me a great deal about you, how, err… help her get a grip of herself. I can't begin to thank you for being around for her."

"It was nothing Joe. I am glad to be of help for a friend." I moved closer so he could get a better view of my face.

"Please have a seat Edward. I really want to talk to you about something." I sat down as requested on the chair next to his bed. I knew what he wanted to say, having read his thoughts already but I waited for him to say it.

"I was going to ask you a favor."

"Sure Joe, anything."

"I wanted you to promise me that you will take care of Bella when I am gone. She doesn't have anyone else and I gathered from her stories about you that you are a good and decent man. I can't leave knowing that she has no one to turn to." Joe's brown eyes were searching my face as he waited for an answer. He ran his fingers in his graying brown hair attempting to smooth the edges as he looked at me.

"I don't know…"

"Edward, please grant the wish of a dying man here." He laughed a little as he said this but the smile didn't reach his eyes for I heard what he was thinking too.

_God, please give me another chance to live and love Bella. I want to be with her more than anything. _

"Sure…" I only answered so Joe could rest his mind and stop worrying. I couldn't stop myself from flinching at his silent thoughts. It felt like a big weight settled in on me, disabling me. I was unable to move and couldn't feel anything anymore.

A sudden flicker of idea came out of nowhere, like a light bulb was turned on inside my head. I could play God and give Joe the eternity that he was asking for, so he could be with Bella. But did I have the right to step in God's shoes and decide one person's mortality? Or should I let things happen the way they were meant to be? Let things fall where they may. That way there would be a sliver of a chance for me to with Bella.

Joe and I both loved Bella. Who had the right to be with her? I ran out of the hospital room as fast as I could, a blur before human eyes. I couldn't wait to get out of the hell of thoughts that I was experiencing at that very moment. Joe's request echoed in my ears.

I would give anything to be with Bella but did I have it in me to turn Joe into one of us? A vampire? Answers eluded me, I didn't know what solution I sought. But time was of the essence and there wasn't enough time left. We're running out of it and I have a swift and irrevocable decision to make.

Could I make a choice that would change our lives? Had I any right to commit such an act? Questions instead of answers assaulted me in every direction as I sought solace in running away.

* * *

**A/N: This story I must say will have a sad tone throughout. I am eager to hear your thoughts. Review please! Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2 Not a goodbye

Let me warn you all that this is a short chapter. I had the sudden urge to continue this One-shot after watching a sad movie. I wasn't planning on turning this into a full fic but I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Well, enjoy the chapter.

*This scene happened the day before Edward met Joe for the first time* so, we rewind back to the day before.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Not a goodbye**

**Bella's POV:**

"Joe, I can't and I won't say goodbye." I whispered in his ears as he slept. I held his battered hand under the flimsy hospital sheet as I molded my body against his. _This was perfect. We were perfect together. Nothing would keep us apart. Not cancer, I won't let it…. I can't let you go…_

I woke up with the ray of sun streaming on my face from the hospital window. I felt for Joe's hand and found it; he was looking at me with love in his eyes, the look that offered comfort and security. The only love that I have ever known. I returned his gaze fiercely, aching to touch him deeply and to feel him inside me. He cupped my face with his other hand gently, as if he read my mind.

"Bella, I want to feel you too, more than anything in this world," he sighed before his lips grazed my forehead and finding their way down to my mouth, his lips lingered on my lips, caressing me, sending shivers down my spine, before taking my mouth for what I had to offer. I gave him everything I had passionately. I was as hungry for him as he was for me. Our kisses lasted long enough until he had to catch his breath.

He gave me a weary smile, but a smile nonetheless. My heart ached for my beloved husband, still fighting for us, battling a ravaging enemy for us to be together and he was brave.

"I love you Joe, now and forever," I murmured softly at his neck, savoring his scent.

"I love you too my Isabella, always." His voice held a tinge of wistfulness that scares me. I looked into his dark brown eyes and held them for as long as I could.

"You should rest Joe. I will stay here with you…." My words tripped as tears brimmed in my eyes, threatening to spill.

"Bella, please don't cry anymore. You shall not shed anymore tears for me." He gently wiped the drops that made their way down my cheeks with his fingers. "Promise me, no more tears."

I nodded ever so slowly. I was certain that I would break my promise very soon but I had to try for him.

"That's my girl." He gave me a reassuring smile as he held my hands. He closed his eyes and I studied his face again, memorizing each single detail, committing every feature to memory. I squeezed his hand tenderly and watched him fall into a slumber.

A gust of fear found its way back into my senses again and I shuddered at the thought of losing him. I dare not think anymore for the pain was too much to bear. What would my life be without him? He was my life, my sun, the only home I'd ever known and the reason for my being. I couldn't let him go…we still have to fight together…he still has to fight for me, for him, for us. I watched as his thin face relaxed and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. I held onto him for a long time until I felt my fear subsided.

_What would I do? _

"Bella?" Joe had asked me once before if I could arrange for him to meet Edward. Joe wanted to meet my new friend, the one I told him about, but circumstances surrounding his health prevented their meeting from taking place. "Is he coming to see me today?" His voice sounded weaker this morning, drowned by the beeping sounds of the machines that surrounded his bed, he inclined his head in my direction.

"Yes honey, I asked him last night while you were asleep. Edward will be here sometime this morning." I moved closer to his bed so he could see me clearly. His eyesight had gotten worse in the last few weeks and his peripheral vision was already non-existent. I sat on the bed facing him, his face relaxed when he caught a glimpse of my face and relief was evident upon hearing my response.

"I want to ask you something, honey." Joe took my hand that rested on my lap and lifted it gently to his mouth before kissing it.

"Sure, what is it?" My voice came out a little rattled fearing that he was in a great deal of pain. I cleared my throat as I waited for him to speak.

"I want to speak with Edward alone."

"You don't want me to be here with you?" I wondered what he could possibly say to Edward that he couldn't say in my presence. I searched his face but he gave no indication of what he had in mind. He smiled my favorite smile as he waited for my answer.

"Sure Joe, if that's what you want. I will leave now and head home to shower and feed Kibi. I will be back later this afternoon." I kissed his forehead but his hand snaked behind the small of my back and nudged me gently closer to him. Our bodies touched and it felt like the first time; I could feel every part of his body against mine. I lowered my mouth to his for a kiss that lasted long enough to leave us winded once more. My heart was beating rapidly against my chest and I could feel his respiration quickened erratically. I wished for it to go further and I felt he wanted the same thing too, we both did, but Joe's present physical condition was not up to par, he was very weak from the seizure he suffered recently.

"Bella, I love you with all my heart and soul. Don't ever forget that." He whispered against my hair as his fingers traced the contours of my face.

"And I, you," I kissed my forefinger and placed it on his lips. I gathered some of Joe's thing for laundry and headed out of the hospital. I saw a figure that resembled Edward; the man I befriended stride through the double glass entrance before I reach my car. I sighed and rested my head on the steering wheel and finally let the floodgates of my tears out.

"I won't let you go, Joe."

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A/N: Such an easy read right? Didn't give you a chance to get bored. I can't promise longer chapters for they are much more difficult to write and is also time consuming. I can make shorter chapters and fill them with scenes that I think will be good enough to keep you wanting more. If that's good for you, please let me know so I can continue the story of Edward, Joe and Bella. If you are curious to know who Kibi is, he is a cat that Joe gave Bella as a present for her birthday, a maine coon.


	3. Chapter 3 My Gamble

Another short chapter this time.

I really appreciate the fave story/author alert but I would rather hear from you.

Thanks to my pre-readers, SK and Keye, two awesome ladies that I respect so much. Thanks EE, my lovely beta-friend.

SM owns everything Twi-related. I own Joe and Sidney. Two gorgeous and fackhawt men!

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**"Life is like a piano. White keys represent happiness and love. Black ones represent sadness and sorrow, but you should play both to hear the music of life..."**

**Chapter 3: My gamble**

**EPOV:**

I ran out of Joe's room full of confusion and torment. None of what was said made sense to me as the stinging desire to be with Bella meddled with my own sense of righteousness. My feet took me far running at their volition. A decision had to be made! Truth be told, I wished with every single vein in my venom infested body to make Bella mine, yet, the nagging feeling of uncertainty took over. It wasn't my decision to make. I refused to drop the gavel on their innocent lives and play the role of an almighty being who could hand their fates to them.

It couldn't be my choice to make! Joe would have to make the ultimate decision for himself and that of Bella's. Only he could decide on where their fate would take them, with his love for her, be the determining factor on how they would continue their lives together.

The growing ache inside was too much to bear. I love Bella as much as Joe loved her. I feel my sense of entitlement was but a sliver of selfishness to their vows of love. I shouldn't get in the way. I should stand back and curb my feelings for Bella for as long as it takes and give Joe the chance he rightfully deserved.

"Edward, I know this is none of my business, you know that I usually leave you alone but why the long face? Is everything okay with you?" Sidney's voice finally broke me out of my silent inferno of indecision. His question finally got my attention after his several attempts. He eyed me with mild alarm as he continued the task of wiping the bar and re-stocking clean glasses on the counter. Another day for us at Midnight Blue. A group of giggling middle aged women walked through the door and I watched Lucy seated the group as I deliberated my answer. I knew Sidney was waiting for an answer for he was watching me closely.

"No, nothing has been okay since I met Bella." I ran my fingers through my tousled hair with unease, hating every minute of my present dilemma.

Sidney studied my face intently, he knew I could read his mind and words were unnecessary. _You fell in love with her, my man!_

I pursed my lips and nodded my head in response. How could I have myself allowed to fall in love with a human and becoming entangled in her and Joe's life?

My conversation with Joe persisted in my mind. A request of a dying man wasn't a light subject and difficult to ignore even if my whole being screamed denial.

I downed my scotch in one swig before ascending to the stage as Enrique finished his first half. He offered me a slow and somber smile, it appeared that every single one of my staff seemed to be keyed in on my affairs. I returned his smile with a little nod, aching to get my fingers on the ivories and to drown my conflict away.

I started my set with a lovelorn piece called Love of my Life, a piece that had haunted me ever since the night I met Bella. I adlibbed the intro and a burst of applause broke out from the audience, I dipped my head to acknowledge their appreciation as my voice filled the room, every single eyes glued to me with utmost intensity and awe.

_Love of my life, you hurt me,__  
__you've broken my heart, and now you leave me._

_Love of my life can't you see,__  
__Bring it back bring it back,__  
__Don't take it away from me,__  
__Because you don't know what it means to me._

_Love of my life don't leave me,__  
__You've stolen my love now desert me,_

_Love of my life can't you see,__  
__Bring it back bring it back,__  
__Don't take it away from me,__  
__Because you don't know what it means to me._

_You will remember when this is blown over,__  
__And everything's all by the way,__  
__When I grow older,__  
__I will be there at your side,__  
__To remind you how I still love you__  
__I still love you._

_Hurry back hurry back;__  
__don't take it away from me,__  
__because you don't know what it means to me._

_Love of my life,__  
__Love of my life.__  
_

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_Buzz…Buzz_

A text from Bella shook me out of my dazed reflection. I glanced around to the deafening applauding of my audience. The luxury of being a vampire was the ability to multi-task; I concluded my set with a slight bow in response to the non-stop clapping coming from the audience.

_Edward, Joe said you left in a hurry! He still wanted to talk to you. Can you come by the hospital again soon? B._

I sighed in frustration as I found my way back to the bar. Sidney had a shot glass waiting for me behind the counter, and he pushed the little amber filled glass to my direction as I texted my response to Bella. I glanced at Sidney gratefully, he who had acted as a brother and confidante all these god forsaken years.

_I will see him in the morning. Love, E._

_Buzz…Buzz…. _Her rapid response came in just a minute right after I pressed the send button.

_He said thanks! B_

"Edward, I know it's a tough decision to make but I trust that you will make the right one." Sidney offered in silence as I guzzled the numbing liquid down and replaced the glass with a loud clank on the counter.

"Thanks Sidney." I conceded and took more shots of scotch that did not even calm the bubbling hysteria inside me. The physical aspect of ingesting the alcohol was a mere psychological distraction I permitted myself to enjoy.

Feelings of certain dread accompanied me throughout the rest of the night as another normal business day concluded for the club. I wandered up to my loft with heavy footsteps that echoed those of my thoughts.

I thought of Bella and Joe….

Where in the puzzle do I fit? The lingering feeling of being an outsider stayed with me until dawn greeted another day.

I readied myself to meet Joe for I would finally lay all the cards on the table. The decision whether he wins or not will rest on his shoulders. I would take my losses and run away with my misery while I still could.

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**A/N:** Any thoughts on the chapter? Please let me know. Review to make me post sooner. LMAO. Thanks for reading!

The lyrics are taken from the Queen's song Love of my Life. Beginning chapter 4, lyrics as well as playlist will be featured in my profile.


	4. Chapter 4 Between Living and Dying

Beginning this chapter, I am officially adding lyrics and playlist every time I post. Make sure you listen to the music that I am using so you can get the maximum effect that I want you to experience. Of course, the lyrics are good too... Playlists can be found in my profile.

Quick thanks to three people, EE, SK and Keye-lovely ladies that makes writing MB an enjoyable experience.

Banner by Lindz, btw.

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**"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." Norman Cousins**

**Chapter 4: Between Living and Dying**

**JPOV:**

I've asked myself the same question over and over, _why me?_

Life was rough enough to live by itself and being thrown a curve ball in the form of a brain tumor and knowing that you would leave the love of your life soon was much, much tougher to even imagine. It hurts to even think that my days with Bella were numbered. How could I let go so soon?

I kept fighting not just for myself but for Bella too. It's not only my life I was concerned about; it greatly affected hers too, much worse than it probably affected me. I was the one leaving and she would be left behind, all alone, to pick up the broken pieces of her heart. I ached for her every day, every single time I see her face remind me of our happy days together, cut short by the brutal reality that I would soon pass. Our book of love would get its last chapter written far too soon. I didn't want _Us_ to end.

Fighting and knowing deep down that I was losing the battle was a staggering blow to my hopes and dreams. Bella and I dreamt of starting our family and, when the news came it devastated us. We had to put everything in our lives on hold to see if I could conquer the tragedy that had befallen us. One devastating blow after another came when all my test came up still positive for cancer and that it had spread further.

Watching Bella suffer with me every day made me want to fight and win against it, to tell myself that I could overcome cancer. Our love was enough to get us through. I acted brave for the most part, keeping the façade for her sake when all I wanted to do was crawl in one corner and cry my brains out. Cry like a little baby! I could only do this when I was alone, as I had to let Bella believed that I still had a fight in me.

The beeping of the machines inside my hospital room were the only sounds I could hear aside from the slow beating of my heart.

Good days were far in between for the disease ravaged me like wildfire. It claimed most of my strength and dignity. I didn't care when radiation took my hair away. I knew Bella would love me any other way. Our relationship became stronger than ever and I loved her more than any words I could utter.

I was a mere shadow of my former self. I was dependent on Bella for most of my daily needs, as the medication left me weak, tired and sleepy. My Bella never wavered; she stood steadfast by my side through the most trying times of my treatment. I could see the love in her eyes, never changing and her dedication gave me enough strength to keep on enduring the unknown, the cruel truth that was upon us.

I had so many questions I sought answers for but mostly, I asked God why me? What have I done to merit an early departure from all things that I cherished the most? In my darkest hours, I cursed, I cried and screamed for mercy, for a chance to live longer and be with Bella. That was all my heart ever desired.

Every day I fought like a warrior running to the battlefield knowing that he was outnumbered and chances to come out victorious were slim to none. I didn't feel like there were any reasons to keep hoping but I still fought for us. I needed to be around for her. I feared that she would be alone…more alone without me. We were all we had.

Each other.

As days went by and my cancer spread mercilessly, I watched Bella with troubled mind as she dipped into depression, turning to alcohol to drown her sorrows away. I had no other means to stop her for I wished I could drink my fears away too. She tried to keep it from me, masking her tears with a calm expression but I saw beneath them and I suffered in silence.

The cruelty of my disease steamrolled and almost took over my body completely, nearly robbing me of my sight. Painful enough not to be able to touch and make love to Bella because my feeble body couldn't perform as it used to and now, my sight was slowly diminishing. The only happiness I had left was to look at Bella and appreciate her delicate and beautiful face.

I have prepared myself for the inevitable. I memorized every single detail of her face, every expressions that crossed her face at any given situation. I would miss looking into her eyes and watching her lips turn into her beautiful smile when complete blindness finally took everything that was precious to me. Her expressive features that never cease to amaze me would be etched in my memory long after my sight was gone.

The painful reality of my disease and its advancement was staggering. I realized that I would soon be out of existence and everything else would still go on without me. I wanted Bella to move on and still live a full life even without me, but it seems like she was resigned to end hers too.

I was somewhat relieved when she came back one night and told me that she had met a guy, someone who lent an ear when she blurted her life story out. The man owned a club uptown and took good care of Bella when she had more than enough to drink one night.

She visited the club several times when I was too drugged up to keep a decent conversation going, and knowing my Bella, she refused to go home to rest and insisted on staying with me throughout my hospital confinement.

Her friendship with Edward grew and it pleased me that she had someone to talked to, a soul who was kind enough to listen and allowed her to unload her concerns and heartaches. Aside from the fact that he played all of the songs we loved to help her eased her sorrows away.

My initial meeting with Edward didn't go as well as I wanted it to go. I believed that I may have scared the poor man away with my request. Maybe he just wanted to be Bella's friend and not carry the burden of caring for a grieving widow as I asked him to do. I knew in my mind and what little I saw of him that he cared for Bella more than he wanted to show.

I intend to try again today and make sure that Bella had one good friend she could count on when I was dead and buried. Bella needed someone who cared enough for her to see her through the turbulent days that lay ahead.

Glancing at the clock on my hospital bedside table, I still had a few minutes before Edward said he would arrive. I flicked my Ipod on that Bella and I filled with music that we compiled together. All the songs that meant so much to us, music had kept me sane in the most trying of times. _Everything_ started playing and I sang the lyrics which I knew by heart, thinking of my precious Bella.

**xxxx If you want to listen to the music with Joe. please open another window and go to my profile under Midnight Blue Chapter Playlist. xxxx**

_You're a falling star, You're the get away car.__  
__You're the line in the sand when I go too far.__  
__You're the swimming pool, on an August day.__  
__And You're the perfect thing to see._

_And you play your card, but it's kinda cute.__  
__Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.__  
__Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.__  
__Cause you can see it when I look at you._

_And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times__  
__It's you, it's you, You make me sing.__  
__You're every line, you're every word, you're everything._

_You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,__  
__And you light me up, when you ring my bell.__  
__You're a mystery, you're from outer space,__  
__You're every minute of my every day._

_And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,__  
__And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.__  
__Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,__  
__And you know that's what our love can do._

_[Chorus:]__  
__And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times__  
__It's you, it's you, You make me sing__  
__You're every line, you're every word, you're everything._

_So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La__  
__So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La_

_[Chorus:]__  
__And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times__  
__It's you, it's you, You make me sing.__  
__You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.__  
__You're every song, and I sing along.__  
__Cause you're my everything.__  
__yeah, yeah_

_So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La__  
__So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La_

I closed my nearly useless eyes and tried to picture Bella on our wedding day. It was the most perfect day of our lives. The beginning of our journey together. She was perfectly beautiful, the most exquisite being I have ever had the joy of laying eyes on.

A soft knock came from the door that roused me from my joyful reminiscing. I abruptly turned off my Ipod and directed my gaze at a figure by the doorway. "Edward?" I asked as a small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. He was a remarkable man for agreeing to see me again despite the requisition he knew I would throw at his face again.

"Yes Joe," his voice low was as he walked in to my line of sight, where he knew I could best see him. "How are you this morning?" he asked, his perfect voice lingered in the dullness of the room.

"I've had better days but other than that, I am good." I offered my hand out and he shook it firmly. I took notice of his ice cold hand; maybe he was as nervous as I was. "Have a seat please. Do you mind sitting closer so I can see you better?" I pointed at the chair situated directly in front of my hospital bed.

"Thank you," he murmured as he seated himself lithely on the chair. I could see that he braced himself for what was to come. I was certain that he had an idea of what I wanted from him. I would die trying; if that was the last thing I had to do.

"Edward, I am sure that you have an idea of what I want to talk to you about. I don't want to push the issue on you…but I just don't have much time to seek help from other people. It seemed to me that Bella could talk to you easily and that's all I am asking for, that you be there for her when she needs someone to listen. I won't ask for anything that you are not ready to give." I sighed heavily; the weight of the minimum dosage of morphine I asked for this morning gave very little relief for the pain which is what I wanted. I could not risk falling asleep during Edward's visit. The pain in my head was throbbing relentlessly and I tried my best to avoid flinching in pain. I didn't want Edward to think that I was using every trick in the book to get him to agree to my request. "I hope it wasn't too much to ask."

Edward rested his elbows on his thighs as he buried his face in his hands. He seemed as conflicted and worried as I was. There was also a hint of hesitation that hung thickly in the air. "Before you answer me, I have another question I wanted to ask you…..if it's okay with you." I asked before I lost my nerve.

He nodded his head slowly as he raised his head to look me directly in the eyes. His golden pair bore into mine as if he was reading my mind. He sighed deeply and continued looking at me.

"How do you feel about Bella? Is she just a friend to you or do you have feelings for her more than that of friendship? I hope you don't think I'm jealous or something and you don't have to answer it if you choose not to, I just have a gut feeling that your feelings are more than friendship….."

Edward pulled back his shoulders, while his eyes were assessing me with unconcealed doubt. He took his time answering as he raked his hands through his hair several times as if gathering enough strength from the act itself. I could tell with his hesitation that he had feelings for her or he would have answered right away. It seemed like he was weighing his answer carefully.

It was a good minute before he finally spoke. "Yes, I think I fell in love with your wife, Joe." He replied carefully, his voice broke a little bit as if he was embarrassed at his revelation. "And yes, I am deeply ashamed to admit that I feel that way for Bella. I know I shouldn't, it was not fair at all, to any of us, especially to you."

I smiled at his forthrightness. His honesty was a breath of fresh air. This man was indeed decent and I made the right call to ask for his help instead of any other. "No man, you don't have to feel guilty about feeling that way. Bella is a remarkable woman. Any man would be blind to not know a _gem_ when they see one." My lips quirked at the word _blind_.

"Thank you for understanding but you have my word that I won't dare act on my feelings at all. I just can't help who I fall in love with." He added with sincerity that was admirable in this day and age. "But that's not what I am here for. I have something to offer you. Something that may just be the answer to all your troubles at the moment."

What could he possibly offer me at this time that would wipe my troubles and worries away? My death was nearing and I had but a few weeks or maybe a month to go, how can he remedy my situation?

"Go on, please go on." I still wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I am not what you think I am…"

Edward hesitated when he saw my body stiffen at his statement but I kept my mouth shut and waited for him to continue.

"I can offer you immortality and an everlasting chance to be with Bella. You don't have to die! Bella need not suffer and you can continue your lives together." He sounded almost breathless when he finished.

I couldn't believe my ears. What was he talking about? Immortality? An everlasting life with Bella? The prospect was tempting and I found my heart did a flip at the thought of living longer and being with Bella.

"What exactly do you mean by immortality Edward?"

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**A/N: Not really a cliffie right? I just can't write a very long chapter right now, I think it was okay where I stopped. We saw how Edward admitted to Joe his love for Bella. What are you guys thinking? Give me your thoughts on this chapter. How was it?  
**


	5. Chapter 5 The Revelation

In the last chapter, the ending showed Edward saying something about immortality to Joe. This chapter will tell you more about their conversation.

Thanks to Edward's Eternal aka EE - my lovely and very patient Beta. And a shout out to SK and Keye- best pre-readers one could ever have. Heart you both.

I have a chapter playlist again... open another tab and go to my profile and click on the link that says chapter 5 playlist. It's always good to listen to the music while you read, so you'll get the high I got when I was writing this. LOL

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**"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." Henry David Thoreau**

**Chapter 5: The Revelation**

**BPOV:**

Joe and Edward were meeting this morning at the hospital. Joe had made it quite clear that he wanted their conversation to be private and I respected his wishes. I kept wondering what he could possibly wanted from Edward, but knowing my Joe, he probably was going to ask Edward to keep an eye out for me and my drinking.

I was fully aware that my alcohol consumption had increased in the past months, from what used to be a social drinker; I bumped my intake to finishing an entire bottle all by myself. The exhilarating feeling of numbness and uninhibited release is what I sought. The mere thought of what lay ahead scared me so much that oblivion provided as cocoon from the harsh reality.

I scanned our apartment for more chores to occupy my time when all I wanted to do was spend every minute of Joe's waking moments with him. I wanted to be by his side holding his hand and looking at his face all the time. The rest could wait.

Kibi purred and rubbed his body on my leg while I put some of Joe's freshly laundered garments inside the backpack for my visit later. Kibi's been fed but he wanted more attention so I picked him up and cuddled with him and lay down on the bed. Kibi readily rested his head on my chest as I rubbed his belly to soothe us both. His purring consoled me a little bit.

Tears welled in my eyes again despite my intense effort to keep them dry. I was scared. Joe could not go, he had to stay. We had to be together. I didn't see it any other way. What more could I do to keep him?

The feeling of despair hung thick in the air. I needed something to get my mind off my misery. I left Kibi on the bed and padded over to the wet bar where a half bottle of Cabernet was waiting for me. I had 5 hours before I could go back to the hospital. I poured half a glass of wine and took the bottle with me back to the bedroom.

I needed something to numb the pain. I downed the content of the glass and poured another right after. I bit my lips to keep them from quivering. I've never felt more hopeless or helpless in my life. Answers were usually readily available to me but I had nothing this time. I needed Joe with me. There's nothing else I've asked for so fervently in my life except for his life to be spared. If there's anything I could do, I would not even think twice. I would jump at the chance if it meant giving him another shot at life.

I woke up three hours later and found the empty wine bottle lying next to me on the bed. I had a splitting headache and I felt like shit. I ran to the shower and stayed under the hot calming water longer than usual, washing away the reek of alcohol.

I had to run and see Joe. His every waking minute was as precious as gold to me. Joe was the air that I breathe; I needed to see him right away. I hurried out of our apartment into the cold afternoon with a throbbing pain in my head and an ache so deep in my heart.

**EPOV:**

I watched Joe intently, his burning desire to be with the woman he loved radiated off him. I knew what I had to do, the right thing to do despite the aching feeling that I may never have the chance to be with Bella. I wrestled with the decision even though I knew what I ultimately had to do.

I have to give Joe and Bella's love a chance. But the final decision would rest on Joe's shoulders. It was his call, his life and ultimately, his responsibility.

I would play "God" only if he asked me to. I would give him an immortal life should he choose it, a chance to be with Bella as his heart desired.

I inhaled deeply before I spoke. I took in scent of death looming around me. Death was knocking at Joe's door. He and I both knew it.

I straightened my body in my chair and stared straight at Joe, he braced himself at he looked back at me. His eyes were unwavering as he searched my face for answers.

"Joe as I said before, I can offer you immortality."

Joe leaned his frail body forward to get a better look at my face to check if I was joking or not. I scooted my chair next to his bed and he slowly adjusted himself in bed as his face registered deep interest. His thoughts were clear; he didn't think I was crazy with what he's just heard me say.

"Edward, I have no clue what you mean," he said after he made himself comfortable.

"Joe what I'm about to tell you may sound obtuse and bizarre and I want you to hear me out first before you laugh or pass a judgment." I heard myself say.

"Believe me, the last thing in my mind right now is to make fun or judge anyone. I am all ears Edward." Joe said without a hint of ridicule in his voice. All that was running in his mind was Bella and how much he loved her. I closed my eyes and Bella's image flashed before my eyes and I had to shake my head several times to dispel the vision. As much I wanted to see her, I had to finish the task at hand.

"I am a vampire Joe." I kept my voice low, only for him to hear and waited to see his reaction to my revelation.

"Vampire? Did I hear you correctly Edward?" His brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of what I just said, waiting for my confirmation.

"Yes, I am one of the undead Joe, a vampire." Edward stressed each word.

"I don't believe in folkloric stories and I don't know much about what you are claiming yourself to be. Should I be troubled for myself and for Bella?" His voice held no malice, it was an honest question as much as I could tell. I watched Joe as he ran several scenarios in his head. I waited for him to finish before I answered. His worries were more for Bella.

"No, you have nothing to fear as far as my nature is concerned and Bella is safe around me or anyone that I associate with, if that's what you want to know."

Joe seemed satisfied with what he heard. He slowly lifted his body into a sitting position, every vein in his arms were straining at his effort.

"Edward, I don't have very much time here and I need you to promise me that Bella will be taken care of. I am worried about her. I can feel that she is slowly slipping away, nothing holds any interest for her anymore. I am afraid that she will drink herself to death. She has no idea that I know- that she drinks a lot." Joe's face contorted in agony as his mind could only think of nothing else but Bella.

"I don't have to make any promises Joe. You can watch Bella yourself; you can be with her for a very long time. You don't have to go…."

"What do you mean? How is that possible?" His gazed leveled with mine as his hand tried to support his body upright.

"As a vampire, I am an immortal and have been trudging along for a long time. I can offer the same thing to you. You can have your forever with Bella." I finally uttered the most difficult word that I was dreading to say. The weight on my shoulder didn't ease up, instead I felt a new ache inside me knowing Bella would just be a part of trek through my existence. She would never be mine.

"You cannot play with my emotions Edward. Life and Death is not a joking matter. I value life more than anything and I'm about to lose it." Joe ground his teeth together, keeping himself from breaking down.

"I have well meaning intentions Joe. I don't joke around with life, death or anything in-between. Immortality is yours for the taking." The offer was finally laid on the table. Joe had to make his decision whether to embrace my way of existence or be gone from it.

"How are you going to make that possible?" Joe's form was rigid, his breath was hitched in his throat, the possibility was remarkably tempting… but at what cost?

"It can be done by a bite where my venom will enter your bloodstream and work its way throughout your entire body. The venom will circulate through your blood until it reach your heart. When it does, every pump of your heart will distribute the venom entirely within your body and, it will be a slow and painful process. Your veins will be saturated and once your heart stops beating, the process would be completed. The transformation takes about three to five days to complete depending on how fast the venom spread in your body." I paused momentarily to read Joe's mind, he was still following me but the feeling of trepidation completely swept over him as he listened. I deliberated whether I should continue or not.

"Joe are you okay?

"Yes… please continue." His reply was almost whispered as he closed his eyes and waited. I breathed another unnecessary sigh before I went on.

"Another way is by injecting my venom straight into your heart. This is a faster process due to the direct contact of the venom with the heart and the transformation will only take two days to complete. The pain and suffering would be the same. I have to tell you that the pain is unimaginable and could very well be the most terrible thing anyone could go through."

"What would happen after that? How would I be? How would I react to Bella? Would I be a danger to Bella?" His questions spilled in rapid succession.

"If this is an avenue that you choose to take, I will see that your transformation goes smoothly. I just want you to understand in turning into someone like me isn't easy. There is a possibility of bloodlust, which is what we feed on and-"

"Blood? Is that what your diet is Edward?" Joe's eyes opened in horror as he cut me off, his mind reeling of fear for Bella. He jumped out of bed and lunged towards me, anger racing through his veins upon the errant thought that blood was my sole attraction to Bella. The machines started beeping as the plugs became disengaged from his body. I held him by the shoulders firmly to keep him from attacking me, knowing too well that his frail body could not carry the deed.

"Joe no! I don't feed on human blood at all. If I wanted Bella that way, I had countless opportunities to do so. You have to believe me that I mean you and Bella no harm." I held his shaking body steadily while I helped him sit on his bed. I could feel him squirm from my touch. His mind was whirling with several scenarios that scared him.

"Edward I am pleading with you not to harm Bella at any time. I love her too much…" Joe's tears of fear and pain rolled down his cheeks as he pleaded with me.

"Joe, you have to understand. I love your wife and my only wish is for her to be happy and that is the reason why I am here, exposing myself to you. You are her happiness. You are the only one that would make her whole." I walked to the window and gazed outside to keep myself together. Painful as it was to spill my guts out to the man that held the key to the heart of the woman I loved, I knew his pain was even more, he feared for things to come and was now wrestling with a decision that neither of us knew what the outcome would be. Joe knew he was racing against time and it was not a luxury he had. The beeping of the machines continued, and the only sound that was louder was the turmoil that was raging inside Joe's mind.

Joe's weak and gaunt figure continued to heave as he sobbed helplessly. He was clearly struggling with the choice I had given him. I could see his inner conflict and I remained silent, allowing him to come to grips with my offer. He didn't speak for some time as I stood unmoving by the window. I detect the erratic beating of his heart while he thought things over.

"Would I still love Bella the way I do now?"

"Humans who transformed into vampires come out with a sharper perspective and emotions from their former lives. Newborns as we call newly created vampires, have stronger emotions, often ill-tempered and have mood swings. I cannot guarantee how yours would be, but I would make sure that you would not hurt Bella, if that's what you are worried about. That's all I could tell you, but looking and listening to you right now, I don't see that your feelings for Bella could change."

More silence followed while Joe eased his tired body in a lying position. A nurse came in to respond to the non-stop noise coming from the machine. She quickly worked on Joe before leaving the room wondering what caused the problem. She eyed me suspiciously but I kept my back at her to keep from satisfying her curiosity.

"Edward," Joe's strangled voice beckoned me and I walked back closer to his bed and stood over him, close enough so he could see my face.

"Yes Joe."

"I wish for a little time to think about this. Please don't mention anything about what transpired here to Bella. She need not worry anymore. Let's keep this conversation between you and me." The morphine was acting fast and I could detect the sleep that was claiming Joe quickly.

"Take the time that you need Joe and you don't have to worry about a thing. I won't say anything at all."

"I apologized for the way I reacted earlier, I was overcome with fear and anger…" his breathing was slowed down as the pain agent worked its way to numb his physical pain.

"Joe no harm done." I replied as I stuck my hand out to him in a friendly gesture which he returned as he clasped it both hands.

"Thank you." He said before I walked out of his hospital room and into the cold and dreary street as I headed back to the only place that gave me solace.

**BPOV:**

I lay next to Joe in his bed and hugged him while he slept. The slow rhythm of his heart gave me comfort as I rested my head on his chest. The soothing sound of his breathing kept my dread at bay. I ran my fingers through his hair, lovingly sweeping them off his forehead as I gazed at his face. How much I loved him brought pain each time I saw him and watched him suffer.

Was I being selfish by wanting him to stay? I cried silently as the question played in my head like a broken record. Torturing and haunting me to no end.

"Mrs. Davis?" the nurse's voice brought me out of my misery as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Davis won't be waking up for many hours; I had to increase his dosage when he acted a bit agitated this afternoon." The kindly older woman said as she looked at me with concern in her face.

"Agitated? Why?"

"I don't know but I saw a man here with him earlier and they seemed to have an intense conversation."

"Oh…." My curiosity was piqued and I wanted to find out what was troubling about the talk that Joe had with Edward. "Can you text or call me when Joe awakens? I will be nearby and I just need to take care of something while he is asleep."

The nurse nodded before she left.

_And I need a drink too._ I eased myself out of Joe's bed with utmost care so not to wake him up. I kissed him softly on his lips and grabbed my purse and headed out of the hospital.

Midnight Blue was almost filled to capacity by the time Lucy found me a seat in my usual corner, the usual nook that I occupied when I come to drink and listen to the music. Edward was on the microphone giving his welcome address as Duke took my drink order.

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Midnight Blue where the language of life is made through music. I am Edward Cullen and I will be taking your requests in the next hour. Sit back, listen and relax. Thank you."

Our eyes met before he sat down behind the piano and he dipped his head slightly to acknowledge my presence.

"I am dedicating this song to Joe and Bella Davis. A couple with an enviable love and fierce dedication to each other." Edward sighed before his fingers hit the ivories; his eyes were closed as I watched him intently from afar.

Lights dimmed to a low as a lone light focused on his form as the he hit the first note of a song that I haven't heard before. His voice filled the room as people listened with obvious admiration and awe. I drank half of the contents of my wine glass as I closed my eyes as I paid attention the lyrics of the emotional yet tender song.

**"Come Home"**

Hello world  
Hope you're listening  
Forgive me if I'm young  
For speaking out of turn  
There's someone I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
They're in the wrong place trying to make it right  
But I'm tired of justifying  
So i say you'll..

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
So come home  
Oh

_[Verse 2]_  
I get lost in the beauty  
Of everything I see  
The world ain't as half as bad  
As they paint it to be  
If all the sons  
If all the daughters  
Stopped to take it in  
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin  
It might start now..Yeahh  
Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud  
Until then

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Oh

Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why i need you here  
Everything I can't be  
Is everything you should be  
And that's why I need you here  
So hear this now

Come home  
Come home  
Cause I've been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I've ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Come home

Tears made their way from my eyes drenching my cheeks in the process, flow continuing its assault on me long after Edward's set was over and the wine bottle almost half gone. I stared out the window, blindly looking at people walking by.

"Bella, how have you been?" Edward's voice wrapped around me like a gentle breeze and I wiped my tears away before I returned his greeting with a weak smile.

"Hello Edward. Things could be better. How are you?"

"I am okay Bella." He replied as he summoned one of the waiters who took his drink order in a hurry. "What brings you here? Is Joe resting?"

"Yes, I thought I'll swing by while he is sleeping and find out what you guys had talked about. The nurse told me that Joe got a little agitated this afternoon." My voice broke when I uttered Joe's name. Nothing could seem to lift the clouds of gloom away from me as of late.

"Nothing, he just wanted to talk. Get to know me… really nothing of importance." He replied coolly and I narrowed my eyes at him. A beginning of a headache made itself known and I winced trying to dispel the nauseating feeling that hit me so suddenly.

"Bella? Are you okay? Why don't we get some fresh air while I walk you back to the hospital? I think you had enough to drink for one night." He took charge after that, helping me up to my feet and guiding me out of the crowded room into the chilly November evening.

He didn't say much on our way back to the hospital. We walked in a comfortable silence and I was grateful for it.

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**A/N: Okay, so Edward made that revelation and told Joe what he was willing to do for him. What are your thoughts on this chapter? I want to hear it.**


	6. Chapter 6 To Have and To Hold

Just a reminder that a playlist accompany every single chapter that I post so please enjoy the full experience while reading the chapter. You can find the playlist on my profile. A quick thanks to EE, my dear and fast as lightning Beta. Also, want to thank SK and Keye for pre-reading and giving me their tireless input. I appreciate everything you do for me.

If you guys are in a hunt for something different, please mosey on to my profile and check out my newest story, Irreversible. Same characters that I love to write but different approach this time. After the second chapter, you will know what I mean. A little shameless self promotion doesn't hurt right? LOL

From the last chapter, Bella asked Edward what he and Joe talked about but Edward didn't disclose any information, leaving that decision to Joe.

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**"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein**

**Chapter 6: To love and to hold**

"Take care of yourself Bella," Edward whispered as he gave Bella a chaste kiss on the forehead and headed to the direction back to the club. Bella lingered outside the hospital doors and watched Edward's figure disappeared into the night.

She heaved a long sigh and walked through the swinging double doors to see Joe. She planned on heading straight to the bathroom to wash off the stink of alcohol from her breath before she could see him. She marched directly to the little white tiled bathroom in his hospital room just in time for her to hear him stirring in his bed.

"Bella honey, is that you?" Joe's weak voice asked, turning his body slowly into the direction of the bathroom.

"Yes honey, it's me." Bella answered in between brushing her teeth which she completed rather quickly. She checked herself in the mirror and combed her fingers through her disheveled brown hair and deemed herself okay before see padded across the floor by Joe's side and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"Minty!" Joe said with a small smile that Bella loved after their kiss ended. "Did you just come back from the club?"

"Yes, Edward walked me back here a few minutes ago. I told the nurse to text me should you awaken." Bella answered truthfully, feeling a little guilty for leaving Joe even though he was asleep.

"How was it?" Joe smile didn't disappear, he didn't mind that Bella went out but just extremely worried about her alcohol intake lately. He couldn't bring himself to ask her, fearing that it might push her more to the edge, considering how sad she had been recently.

I got there just in time for Edward's set, so I just listened for the most part."

"I would like for you to take me there tomorrow if possible." Joe's request caught her off guard. Bella wasn't even sure that he was strong enough to stay seated for a longer period of time._And what about his pain?_

"I don't know about that Joe, are you up to it? I mean, will you be okay in a crowded room and sit for several hours?" Bella's concern was evident and Joe knew it.

"I'll be okay honey, let's ask Dr. Johnson when he visits in the morning. And besides, I think I could be discharge tomorrow." Joe sounded hopeful and Bella didn't have the heart to contradict him. He had expressed his wishes to go home and the doctor didn't see any reason to keep him in the hospital longer, most of the treatment he was getting in the hospital could be done at home.

"Okay, if he says that it's safe for you then we'll go." She finally said as she inched her body into the bed with Joe who eagerly made a little space for her. She snuggled her face into the crook of his neck as she wrapped her hands around his body. She molded her body into Joe's and stayed that way for some time, listening to the beating of his heart. A sound so beautiful that she could never get tired of, just the mere thought of hearing the beat gives Bella the strength to go on.

"I love you Bella." Joe whispered in her ears as he hugged her closer.

"I love you more Joe," Bella's answer filled her with dread and sadness again as she fiercely held on to Joe.

"I would like to argue that one Bella," Joe teased Bella as he gave her a kiss on the forehead as he traced his mouth down the contours of her nose down to her lips where they lingered longer. "I think I love you much more," where he ended his kiss passionately.

Bella felt her body responding with desire as she rubbed her body against Joe's body. She felt every inch of her body was ignited by the simple gesture that warmed her from within. Joe carefully lifted his thin hand to cup her breasts. He gently rubbed his finger on her nipples and a series of shudder shook Bella to her core. He continued to fondle her breasts with his hands as Bella's body begun trembling with uncontrolled desire. She brought her hands down to his hardening erection and massaged it slowly.

"Joe…I want you so badly….." Bella declared in an aroused state.

"I want you so much too…. I'd like to try but I don't know if I can do it." Joe's breathing came in strangled gasps while rubbed his erection against Bella's thighs.

"I want you inside me Joe, please…" Bella was in such fevered condition that she started kissing Joe hungrily.

"Oh Bella…"Joe murmured against her lips.

"Joe….hold on…" Bella couldn't pry herself away but the possibility of being found in a compromising situation was highly likely. Bella sprang on her feet and drew the curtains closed. She locked the door and turned the lights off and quickly returned to Joe.

"Bella, take your clothes off please, I want to see you tonight." Joe voice sounded raw with longing as he smiled his sweet smile and Bella's heart melted at his request.

Bella climbed on the little bed and positioned herself on top, she knew that this was the only way Joe could see every inch of her. Bella nodded at his request and she slid her tank top off her head exposing her breast underneath covered by a delicate pink bra with edged with red lacing.

"I want you to remove the rest of my clothes Joe, only if you can…." Bella felt a slice of guilt tore on her soul but the need of her body was stronger, she could feel Joe's intense arousal too which made her ache more for him.

Joe slowly proceeded in stripping her jeans to reveal a matching bikini that showed her breathtaking curves. He devoured her almost naked figure with his eyes starting on her breast down to the curves of her body. He reached behind to un-strap her bra, exposing a pair of supple breasts that took his breath away.

"Bella, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on…. I can look at you forever…." The words warmed her heart as she gently pressed her body closer to his.

Despite Joe's shrunken body, Bella still felt the same amount of lust washed over her when she pulled his hospital gown to reveal his body. She slowly felt his hardened erection underneath his boxer shorts, rubbing them gently. Joe's touch and the way he held her made Bella felt that she was truly special, like a delicate piece of china.

Ever so slowly, Joe lifted his face up to taste the Bella's breast as he slowly caressed her body with his hands, tracing every shape and lines. Bella moaned at the warmth of his mouth on her breasts. Unable to contain her desire, Bella stripped Joe's boxers quickly and held his penis in her hands like it was a priced possession.

She slowly lowered her head to his cock and gently enclosed her mouth on it. Joe jerked with the warmth that enveloped him. Joe's face registered utter pleasure as her warm mouth completely closed in on his shaft. Bella smiled at her husband's blissful expression as she started licking and sucking on his cock slower at first but increasing the pace as she added more pressure of her tongue play.

"I almost forgot how heavenly your mouth feels like Bella," Joe whispered, his heart started beating erratically with excitement. Nothing could stop them now. Joe felt a surge of energy rushed through his veins, a momentary and welcome escape from his illness and pain.

"I am ready for you Joe," Bella couldn't wait any longer. The need to feel Joe inside her doubled as she gently guided his penis into her already wet opening. Satisfaction was written on their faces as Bella slowly rocked her body in total rhythm with his movement. Bella dug her fingers in his hair as they pumped their bodies in synchronicity. Joe slipped his tongue inside Bella's parted lips and continued their kisses with fervor and urgency.

This was heaven to them, the way they knew it. Each heaving and pounding took them to a desirous high. Nothing was much more perfect than them being together as one, feeling each other's body and fulfilling each one's desire. Bella threw her head back in ecstasy as Joe came inside her. They continued to moan and groan, calling each other's name long after the last of Joe's spray emptied in her. Bella slump her body on top of his body and clung to each other for a long time, marveling and savoring their time together.

Joe knew that he exerted himself more than was advisable but it felt good, he felt good. He longed to touch Bella in ways he could not even imagine anymore. It was all worth every effort. He lay in bed, smiling at the sweet thought of making love to his wife. This was something he could never get enough of.

Joe brushed a stray of hair off Bella's face and kissed her on the tip of her nose, "I didn't think I could do it," he was still in awe of their lovemaking and feeling every bit like a giddy young teenager at the moment.

Bella turned on her stomach and rested her chin on his chest while she traced her fingers on his face, enjoying their tender moment together. Times like these were few and far in between. This was a total treat neither one of them expected.

"Joe, I think it's time for you to get some sleep," Bella yawned after several minutes of staring into each other's eyes.

"I know…but I want to keep on holding you like this, I want to feel your body against mine." He ran his fingers along her naked body, feeling every lines and curves with his hand and finally resting it on one of her ass cheek.

"And hold me you shall," Bella snuggled closer and the last thing she remembered was listening to the slow beating of his heart as sleep finally claimed her with a smile of contentment on her face.

* * *

"Joe, are you positive you can do this? I don't want you pushing yourself too hard." Bella asked as she helped him into his leather jacket. He looked every bit of the handsome guy she fell in love with 10 years ago. Bella stepped back to admire her husband who donned on a black beanie over his graying brown hair.

"Bella honey, don't worry about me. It's about time I take my lovely wife for a night out. I think this is long overdue." Joe kissed Bella on the lips for added reassurance which she returned passionately.

"You are a handsome man Joe. Do you know that?" Bella gushed after their long kiss.

"And you my love are the most beautiful and precious woman I've ever seen." They spent another minute locked in an embraced before they left for the club.

The club was already in full swing by the time the pair made it there. Enrique was finishing his set when Lucy found them an empty booth after about a 15 minute wait. This time, Joe requested for a booth closer to the stage hoping to get a closer look at Edward when his set was up.

"Hey Bella," Sidney came over from the bar to the booth where Bella was seated. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good Sidney, nice to see you." Bella got up and gave him a friendly hug. "I want you to meet my husband Joe, Joe this is Sidney, one of the best bartender in city," Bella said it with obvious pride as she smiled at him.

"I'm pleased to meet you Sidney," Joe extended his hand which was returned with a firm and cold grasp. Joe momentarily stopped as it dawned on him that Sidney may be another Vampire that Edward may have mentioned that he associate with.

"Same here Joe," Sidney gave an easy smile that could put people instantly at ease in his presence.

"Hey guys, I have to go back and work, we don't want the boss to think that I'm not doing my job." Sidney winked at them before he sauntered back to the bar. Jazz music was playing overhead and the loud conversation was in full blasts. There was no empty seat inside the popular club as more people were being ushered in the bar area.

A few minutes later, Edward emerged from the sea of people that were already a standing room only. He momentarily scanned the place and gathered the general thoughts of the people around him, a customary habit he did each and every evening.

He caught Bella and Joe's scent the moment they stepped in the club and was silently wondering how Joe managed to coerced Bella into letting him out of the hospital and into a club when he should be in bed resting. As bad as his health condition could be, Edward understand Joe's need to see for himself where Bella spends most of her time away from him.

Edward had to snake his way towards the bar amidst a room full of people where his glass of Lagavulin awaits him. He sat down and raised his glass at Sidney before downing the amber liquid in one swig.

"Thanks man, I needed that." He briefly smiled as Sidney poured another generous portion for him.

"You're welcome boss. Bella and Joe are here," Sidney nodded in the couple's direction. "They're waiting for you." Sidney added as Edward turned to leave.

"I know I sensed them the moment they walked in. Thanks again Sidney."

Edward worked his way towards the booth where Bella and Joe were seated. Joe had Bella's hand in his and was tapping his foot to the beat of the Jazz music playing. He had a contented expression in his face, the same expression that Edward saw in Bella's face. He felt a small twitch of jealousy that he quickly dispelled. He knew he had no right to feel anything at all. She was Joe's and Edward should be an outsider looking in. That's all there was to it.

"Hey Joe, hello Bella," Edward greeted his guests as soon as he reached their booth. He had a fixed expression in his face, a mask to hide his envy and pain away.

"Hey Edward, surprised to see me here?" Joe grinned as he offered his hand to Edward who clasped it in firm hand shake.

"Yes Joe, are you feeling well?" Edward gave Bella a little smile. "I am glad to see you here though."

Edward could very well hear Bella's questions in her head. She was clearly wondering what the men talked about. _Why do they sound like they knew so much of each other?_ Bella looked at Joe and Edward while they talk and she could only see respect the men held for each other.

"I feel great Edward, thanks for asking. I have several songs I am hoping you can play tonight." Joe smiled got even wider as he thought of the great night he had with Bella which did not escape Edward's attention. Edward's body stiffened as he read the Joe's mind. An act that was not visible to the humans, he tried to compose himself while he wore the same smile to hide his discomfort at the thoughts that were running in Joe's mind.

_What's wrong with me? They are married and I can't act like a foolish jealous nobody!_ Edward silently scolded himself.

"Sure Joe, actually tell me what song you wanted and I will play them right away. I am going to start my session now."

Joe got up and whispered his requests in Edward's ear. Edward nodded at the couple before he strode to the stage, glass of scotch in hand.

Edward couldn't wait to get to his keyboard so he could drown his sorrows away. He knew that he could never have Bella. He was never his to begin with, but he kept asking himself why did it hurt like hell?

Enrique quickly lowered the volume on the jazz piece that was playing and handed the microphone to Edward who placed his glass on top of the baby grand piano before he stepped on the stage to greet the crowd.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Midnight Blue where the language of life is made through music. I am Edward Cullen, your host. I will be taking your music requests in the next hour so please hand them to our passing servers and I'll be happy to play them for you. I want to welcome a very special couple tonight. Please give a hand to Joe and Bella Davis." Edward paused as Joe and Bella timidly accepted the warm applause from the crowd. "Please sit back and enjoy the night. Thank you."

Edward walked over to the piano as the crowd began to quiet down in anticipation of his first piece. This was one of his favorite too. He wasn't surprised to know that Joe loved it too, it was a perfect piece and the lyrics were fitting, the love that he found in Bella. He took a gulp of his scotch before he placed his hands on the keys. "This is a song that Joe is dedicating to Bella, _The love I found in you._"

Edward closed his eyes and breathed deeply before he tapped the keys. A loud applause broke out from the crowd as he adlibbed the first verse and quieted down as soon as his voice filled the room. He could feel a little release the moment he started singing. It was all too painful for he felt the same way about Bella.

**~*~*~*~*~ Time to head to my profile to listen to the playlist ~*~*~*~*~**

_You are the air I need to breathe  
the river of life inside of me  
you are the half that made me whole  
you are the anchor of my soul_

_and you are strong when I am weak  
you are the words when I can't speak  
you never fail to see me through  
that's the love I found in you_

_you are my shelter from the storm  
you are the road that leads me home  
and baby with you here face to face  
Oh I know I've found my place_

_And you are strong when I am weak  
you are the words when I can't speak  
you never fail to see me through  
that's the love I found in you_

_and once in every life  
you find the one that's right  
and when you say forever it's true  
That's the love I found in you_

_You are strong when I am weak  
you are the words when I can't speak  
you never fail to see me through  
That's the love I found in you_

_That's the love, love I found in you._

A complete and utter feeling of adoration shrouded Edward as he sang and brought the song to its end. A loud applauding followed by several woots came from the audience. Edward finally opened his eyes and found Joe on his feet with a big smile on his face clapping like a madman while Bella remained seated on her chair, totally still with tears in her eyes.

The night wore on Edward played the rest of the songs that Joe had requested. Each time, he felt the dagger of truth slashed deeper into his being, reinforcing the fact that he is in love with a woman that he could never have. It was impossible. Bella's heart belonged to Joe, just the way it had been and always would be.

"Thank you Edward for making this night complete for me," Joe said just before they left the club that night.

"Anytime Joe. I am glad you and Bella had a chance to come here together. I shall see you soon, my friend."

"I will talk to you soon, my friend." Joe said as the men exchanged knowing looks that Bella noticed. She peered at Joe and then at Edward but said nothing. She knew that their words had meaning but clearly not meant for her.

_How would she ever find out?_ Bella asked herself silently.

**Buzz... Buzz...**

The sound of his phone shook Edward off of his reverie as he fished for his phone inside his pocket. It had been several days since he last seen or heard from Joe or Bella. He still awaited Joe's reply; he knew that he would be calling on him soon. This could be the day that he would have to say goodbye to all the feelings he had for Bella.

_Joe had a big seizure this morning but refuses to be taken to the hospital. He has now lost 80% of his sight. He wants to see you today.__1435 12th__Street.__B_

Edward quickly texted his reply, _Tell Joe I'll be there. E_

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**A/N:**Well, I had to do it! Joe and Bella were screaming at me to give them a chance again to show their love for each other in a sexual way. lol! The next chapter is when Joe would give Edward his answer. So watch out for that. Now, please let me know what you think of this chapter. C'mon, show me some love. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7 Tough Decision

I have a little request before I give you the next chapter. Well, what started to be me just asking you guys to vote for my beta-friend, Edward's Eternal aka EE who is nominated for The Sunflower awards for Best Reviewer and Best Beta, became a big surprise when I was checking the blog out to get the link. Someone nominated me and two of my stories. Ha ha ha. Boy was I surprised. I almost choked on my water! Anyway, here are the nominated stories and categories. Please vote!

**Best Beta**- Edwards Eternal

**Best Reviewer**- Edwards Eternal

The Sunflower Award- **Irreversible** by LFC Hotstuff

Best O/S- **Shake** by LFC Hotstuff

Master of Cliffhangers- LFC Hotstuff

Also, please vote for Exquisite Edward also (I pre-read her story **The Color of Loneliness**) which is up for Best Angst, Best Drama and Best Other Character- Susie.

Here's the link where you can vote: Please remove the bracket when you post the link to your browser.

**http:/thesunflowerawards(.)blogspot(.)com/p/voting(.)html**

My usual thanks to three awesome ladies, Edwards Eternal- my lovely and caring beta (lmao), SK- pre-reader and salsa caliente and last but not the least, Jelly- pre-reader aka AEG. (inside joke).

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Previously in Chapter 6:

The sound of his phone shook Edward off of his reverie as he fished for his phone inside his pocket. It had been several days since he last seen or heard from Joe or Bella. He still awaited Joe's reply; he knew that he would be calling on him soon. This could be the day that he would have to say goodbye to all the feelings he had for Bella.

_Joe had a big seizure this morning but refuses to be taken to the hospital. He has now lost 80% of his sight. He wants to see you today.__1435 12th__Street.__B_

Edward quickly texted his reply, _Tell Joe I'll be there. E_

* * *

**"What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement." Napoleon Hill**

**Chapter 7: Tough Decision**

**JPOV:**

I blinked my eyes repeatedly after rousing from yet another merciless seizure that came like a thief in the night. The unpredictability of each seizure attack was the only thing that remained predictable in my condition.

I tried to focus my eyes on the one thing that I knew would remain constant throughout my whole ordeal. Each and every single time I came out of my seizures, Bella would be waiting in front of me each time I woke up but I couldn't see her face. I blinked harder, summoning my entire will to get rid of the hazy cloud that covered Bella's face, but the cloud refused to be pushed away. I believed this time, the clouds were here to stay. PERMANENTLY!

"Bella honey? Is that you? For the very first time, I heard my voice break in fear and dread. I realized that I wouldn't be able to see Bella anymore. I reached out my hands to touch the blurred round shape in front of me and my hands found her face. I traced my fingers on her face, touching her eyes first where I felt the tears that were flowing from them. I gently wiped the tears away with my thumb and worked my fingers down to her mouth. I felt the sadness in the way that her mouth was pursed, knowing that she was trying hard to be brave on my behalf.

"I am here Joe….." her voice broke too as she leaned closer to me. "Can you not see me?"

"Bella please don't cry baby." My fear got the best of me as I drew her closer. "I think this is the blindness that we were expecting baby…..my voice trailed off, unable to find the right things to say in my frighteningly real situation.

"I can see you still Joe and I love what I am looking at," her words touched my heart and I ached for _Us_ even more. We cried together when my self control finally faltered. I held her in my arms as we clung to each for strength.

We hung on to each other for an indefinite amount of time. I kept touching her face and tracing the expressions in them. I needed to know how my Bella was feeling. I knew that this was how it was going to be but nothing really prepared anyone for this type of sentence.

I smiled in Bella's direction while I smoothed the frown on her face with my hand and kissed her on the forehead, it always worked for her and I felt her smile a little.

"Joe, I was tempted to take you to the hospital but I gave you my word. I was so scared… really scared this time. Her voice quivered a little and my urge was to hold her and comfort her. She began crying again and it hurt even more.

"Sshhhhh, please hush my Bella. No need to cry unhappy tears for me. Thank you for respecting my wishes." I kissed the tip of her nose this time. "I just want to be home with you." I felt another tremor of sadness within me as I said the words. Was I saying goodbye?

Edward's offer of immortality was a golden opportunity for someone like me who was on the verge of death. My time was drawing near and I could feel it in every fiber of my being. Every breath that I took and every move that I made warned me that I must live life to the fullest and I did. I had made one last attempt to satisfy my wife, to taste her, to basked in the glory of being married to the most outstanding woman I've ever known and I did not disappoint her and for that thing alone, I was immensely happy.

What to do now? Death is knocking and each pounding brought realization that I was scared of it. I wasn't ready. I was torn between wanting to keep going and accepting my fate. That the end of journey was upon me, and my destiny was engraved with an expiration date.

Edward tempted me with a choice of a lifetime. He loves Bella as much I do and I could see and feel it. Deep within me, I knew that he was incapable of hurting Bella. I hated my instinct when I first heard him admit his feelings for her, but deep down, I realized that he could have any woman he wanted if force was his guiding method but instead, he was gallant enough to give me a chance to be with her much longer and sacrifice his own feelings in the process.

Any person faced with my condition would run and hide and take the easy way out. I was the same way until I was given the options that I now have for the taking. I weighed every single reason with utmost care and sensibility. I loved my wife more than myself. I could never love another the same way I feel for her and I knew in my heart that Bella felt the same way for me. Was this enough for me to take judgment and free will from her?

Was I supposed to decide for her? If I did then I would stretch through eternity with an everlasting life. A life with Bella for as long as my mind could fathom. And the absence of pain…I have forgotten what it felt like to wake up without the nagging pain in my head. The prospect of an eternal life with Bella and an existence without pain was all I could ever wish for and every single fiber of my exhausted body and soul craved for it.

What if I went the other way? Would it be fair for me to make the irrevocable decision for Bella? Knowing that somewhere down the road, the same fate had to be decided? She had to be an immortal if we were to be together forever. I believed in eternal life- that there was life after death.

Death puts an end to human life but it springs another hope for an Eternal life, to be with my creator and I believed that Bella and I will have our chance to be reunited again. I would succumb to hypocrisy if I turned my back on what I believed in.

Would Bella want this for herself? Was selfishness a part of the bargain? Make my call and let the chips fall where they may? If I leave this earth, I knew in my heart that Bella would be strong enough to move forward in her own time. Should I take the chance of taking away her only happiness?

My head pounded every time I thought of what I should do, on what decision I should make. Today was the day that I would make my decision. Edward and I would meet again and I needed to get my heart and mind made up.

"Joe? What are you thinking about?" Bella broke my trance-like reverie with her soft voice and I looked in the direction of her voice.

"I was just thinking of how much I love you honey." It was not all a lie.

"Just the same way I feel for you?" Her question broke my resolve to be stronger for us and I felt my tears fsll from my useless eyes. I reached out my hand for her and she warmly grasped it with hers.

"Yes baby, I know. Love everlasting." I didn't know what possessed me to say those words. I kissed her softly on the lips and she returned my kisses with tender passion like no other. We stayed in bed huddled together until I grew restless. I had to stop my tears and put on my brave face. "Honey, do you mind handing me the IPod please?

It took me several tries and many mistakes before I found the song that I wanted to listen to, a song that brought me comfort. A song that seemed like it was written for me and Bella. I closed my eyes and let the song mesmerize me as Bella turned her attention to Kibi who had been clawing at our bed cover, begging for attention.

* * *

_**Everything *** **_Time to head to my profile to listen to the playlist *******

_Find me here, speak to me__  
__I want to feel you, I need to hear you__  
__You are the light that's leading me to the place__, __Where I find peace again__  
__You are the strength that keeps me walking__  
__You are the hope that keeps me trusting__  
__You are the light to my soul__, __You are my purpose__, __You're everything__  
__And how can I stand here with you__And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than__this._

_You calm the storms and you give me rest__, __You hold me in your hands__  
__You won't let me fall__  
__You still my heart, and you take my breath away__  
__Would you take me in take me deeper now__  
__And how can I stand here with you__And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than__this__  
__And how can I stand here with you__And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than__this._

_Cause you're all I want,__You're all I need__  
__You're everything... everything__, __You're all I want__, __You're all I need__  
__You're everything... everything__, __You're all I want__, __You're all I need__  
__You're everything... everything__, __You're all I want__, __You're all I need__  
__Everything... everything_

_And how can I stand here with you__, __And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than this__  
__And how can I stand here with you__, __And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better any__better than this__  
__And how can I stand here with you__, __And not be moved by you__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than__this__  
__Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

* * *

"Joe? Edward's here." Bella was roused me from my little morphine induced nap. She settled in front of me, just enough for me to make out her silhouette beneath the blur of my eyesight.

"Thanks honey. I need to speak with Edward alone if you don't mind."

I felt a little dip on the side of the bed as Bella sat next to me. She took both of my hands and raised them to her face. "I want you to feel my expression as I say this Joe." I gently but firmly traced the sadness of her face as she spoke.

"I don't know what you guys are talking about and once again, I am respecting your wishes that I leave you alone, but it better not be about me. We tell each other everything, remember?"

"I haven't forgotten my love… can you give this to me." I kept my hands on her face, feeling every emotion that was running within her. It made me sad that I had to keep her in the dark as far as the choice I had to make. She had to make her own decision and I don't want hers to be affected by my own selfish decision.

"Of course Joe, anything you ask for." I missed the smile that I felt Bella made. I continued to trace my fingers on her face and saw that she was trying to hide her true feelings. I hated giving Bella more reason to feel sad and helpless.

"Thanks honey," I said before I let her go. I had no idea how I looked but it didn't matter. I was sure that Edward wouldn't mind seeing me in such a helpless and pitiable state. I knew that he must be on pins and needles, not knowing what I wanted to talk to him about.

"Joe?" I heard his voice by the door and I turned my head at the direction of his voice. "How do you feel? I came as soon as I heard that you wanted to see me and by the way, I can hear everything that you are thinking of. Just thought I'll let you in on my little secret." He said as his voice got nearer. I stuck my hand out and he shook it firmly. The icy feel of his hands didn't repulse me for I knew that he was one of a kind. A _good friend_ to both me and Bella.

"Thank you Joe," he answered to prove his point that he was indeed reading my mind.

"I am fine, still feeling a little weak from the seizures but I am hoping to bounce back." I raked my fingers through my hair consciously. "So you can read my mind? Does that mean you know what I want to tell you?"

"Not yet, I just got here and you haven't given it a thought in the last five minutes." He answered truthfully.

_Is Bella out of earshot?_ I asked him silently, checking to see if he really was the real deal.

"She's in the family room trying to watch a movie but her mind is elsewhere. She is very curious for the reason of our talks and why you wanted me here today." I nodded my head in his direction to inform him that I believed him.

I still lowered my voice to keep the conversation private. "Can you get the _War and Peace_ book from the bookcase please?" I pointed in the direction where he would find it. I barely heard any movement coming from him and realized that he was back handing the book to me already. I took the hardbound material and flipped to the page where I put the letter I wrote yesterday. Who would have known that I made a timely decision to write it before my eyesight failed me?

"Can you give this letter to Bella for me? You will know the right time when it comes." I parted with the letter that took me several hours to write. It took longer than I anticipated; stopping every time I broke down and cried.

"It seems to me that you have already made up your mind Joe." Edward's voice sounded like an embattled being searching for an answer.

"Yes I have made my choice Edward, and I will still need your help if you are still willing to help me."

* * *

**A/N:** So you can tell already that Joe had made up his mind. We won't know the content of the letter until Edward deemed that Bella is ready for it. The idea of _Eternal Life_ came to me when I was in church a month ago. I couldn't ignore the Epiphany, it felt so right!

Now... what are your thoughts on this chapter? I really want to hear it. Thanks.


	8. Chapter 8 Say G'bye these days are gone

Here's the next chapter...

I added the playlist in my profile for this chapter, please check it out.

Thanks to EE, my awesome beta and to SK and Keye- my wonderful pre-readers.

Shout out to Denise...thanks for your wild guess on where you think this story is headed. *smiles*

* * *

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."

**Chapter 8: Say Goodbye, These days are gone**

"What can I do for you Joe?" Edward was blown away by the emotional chaos that Joe was experiencing at the moment. A sea of conflicted thoughts that left Joe silent and utterly still and unable to verbalize the turmoil he was going through.

"Please give me a moment….." Joe's request was understandable, though he might have his mind all made up, the finality of his decision was hitting him like an iron fist in the gut. This was a moment when his resolve was tested and he was afraid of the fact that everything will be lost to him.

"Certainly," Edward shifted in his seat as an uncomfortable ache wrapped itself around his entire being. He hadn't expected Joe to take this route. He could see the reasoning behind Joe's decision. It made every bit of sense. He found himself with a newfound admiration at the courageous and selfless choice that Joe was currently grappling with.

Altruistic love so deep felt by two men for one woman. One must face his verdict soon and one would be left to help pick up the remnants of a broken love. What could be said with the love they felt? Selfless? Gallant? Idiotic or foolish?

All in the name of love?

"I love Bella more than life itself Edward," Joe finally spoke after minutes of an internal battle that raged from within. "I love her so much….." Tears threatened to fall as he made a futile attempt to stop but sentiments were running high and the moment captured his fears with a force that declared that more tears should be shed.

"I know…." Words were scarce, the meaning and the impact of Joe's choice loomed around them. Neither one moved.

"You're decision is final? There is nothing I could do about it I guess." Edward spoke mostly to himself knowing full well that Joe's mind was made up. There was no looking back but gray and bitter days were on the horizon.

"Yes, my long and winding road is finally over. The war within is drawing to a close and I have made peace with myself and my decision. I just hope that Bella will forgive me and find strength to move on with her life." Joe's tears came with full force while his thin and frail body shook with uncertainty at his revelation.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Joe." Edward still made one last argument amidst his own inner struggle. Why must love end this way? Why would a noble man heed his scruples? He knew the answer but reasoning evaded him.

"It has to be….my life may be connected with Bella's but I cannot influence it with my selfishness and reckless desire to be with her. This may be a wrong choice given the immortality that you offer. Believe me when I say that I would love to keep her close for the rest of time, but Bella will need to make her own decision at the right time. If I tell her now what predicament I am facing, she will only make a decision based on mine. Would that be fair to her? Shouldn't she be allowed to face our fate the way it should be? Pieces of the puzzle have been laid out for us."

"And risk breaking her heart?" The words slipped out of Edward's mouth before he could process the severity of the question.

"I believe that the heart will have a chance to mend itself… Edward, I am so torn by all this but I made up my mind. This is what I believe in and hopefully, Bella will forgive me in time. If my belief in Eternal Life is true, then I will still see my Bella after all of this is over. This is where I need your help. The letter will answer some of questions but I need you to be there for her through the dark times that lay ahead." The weight of his words rocked Joe's body with unwanted spasms that lasted for a few seconds.

"I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe Joe, apart from that….the only promise I could offer is that I will be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on." The love Edward felt for Bella may never see a moment of reciprocation but he need not think of that. Joe's absence will leave a gaping hole in her heart that would not see pass healing and mending. Edward realized this….and understood that his road was also ending…..just like Joe's.

Calming himself down took a tremendous amount of effort from Joe. He could feel the throbbing in his head knowing too well that the tumor had wreaked havoc and damage already beyond any help. With his sight gone, the helplessness came with it and he felt his dignity slowing slipping away. He was ready to go but the ache for Bella made him crisscross the fine line between acceptance and uncertainty.

"My only request is for you to be patient with Bella…. she may get past all of this in time or maybe she won't, she may cling to her pain for a very long time. I want you to promise me that you will always leave enough room for her to decide what she wants for herself."

"You have my word that her best interests are first and foremost in my mind." A short answer to a difficult question. Edward knew that his light of hope had never shone bright; he was at love's dead end. He could live with it. He could trudge through his existence just watching Bella and not expecting anything in return. This was Edward's take at true love, a silent suffering from unreciprocated love. Nothing could make him stay away but his own sheer proclamation would empower him to continue his promise to Joe.

"Thank you Edward…." The sad note in Joe's tone was evident but the gratitude he felt was not amiss. Edward knew that the self sacrificing man in front of him meant every word he said. Joe extended his withered hand at Edward's direction which he firmly grasped with his cold ones. Fate was sealed with the handshake that they exchanged. "This may very well be a goodbye. You are a good man, Edward. I wish I could give you what your heart truly desire, only time will tell…. Be well my friend." Joe's voice quivered as he spoke the words. The determination was evident despite the uncertainties that continued to rattle his thoughts.

"Be at peace my friend," Edward whispered in the quiet confines of the four walls that surrounded their secret. The gavel that concluded their meeting had been pounded. Now, the days that lay ahead stared at them with reproachful eyes. Time would only tell.

**EPOV:**

I knew that this may be the last time I would see Joe. I looked at him longer than necessary before I made my leave. I didn't savor the fact that I saw many people die in my existence, and Joe's demise, I was sure would leave a lasting impression on me.

I found myself fully distracted right after I left Joe and Bella's home. The look in Bella's face as well as the question that lingered in the air had me scuttling out of their apartment in a hurry. I couldn't answer her silent questions. I was not in any liberty to disclose any information, and frankly, I didn't want to be the one to tell her that Joe decided to let it all go. That he was ready to die and had given up on hope, even with my promise of immortality.

The night dragged on while the thought of my conversation with Joe earlier lingered with me. I went through my musical session mechanically. I greeted and mingled with bar patrons because

I had to, not that I wanted to. The night had proven difficult as I went through the motions of plastering a smile on my face, waving at guests and playing piano pieces that were hitting close to home.

I marched straight to the bar as soon as my first set was over and the lights dimmed to accommodate patrons who wanted a chance to dance in the dimly lit room. Sidney had a glass waiting for me at the side of the bar where I usually sat. I was reaching for shot glass even before I sat on the bar stool. I had to remind myself several times tonight that I had to watch my movement around the humans. My current state of distracted thoughts could land me in a questionable situation if I didn't start paying attention to my rapid movements.

"Tough day Boss?" Sidney eyed me quizzically as he refilled my glass with a generous portion of my favorite scotch.

I merely grunted my confirmation at Sidney's question. He wouldn't prod if I refused to talk about it. Somehow, I needed to air out my frustrations but I couldn't bring myself to talk at that particular moment.

"No worries, here's another pour for you." He actually shoved the bottle in front of me and I served myself with another hefty pour as I looked around the room wishing I were somewhere else where I didn't have to keep up with the pretense.

"Thanks Sidney…." I muttered under my breath, I knew he heard me as he inclined his head in my direction while he busied himself with bar orders that were piling up in front of him. Every single sound that assaulted my senses tonight was enough to drive anyone bloody mad. The disadvantage of having an acute sense of hearing was more pronounced to me tonight more than any other night. Every single drop of alcohol as they hit the bottom of the glass rigged my senses, every whisper was magnified, and a brush on a skirt, the ringing of the cash register, the clanking of glasses irritated me when all I wanted to do was get lost in my own thoughts, away from everything that reminded me of Bella and Joe. It was impossible! My frayed nerves were slowly unraveling and I had to get out of there soon.

"Boss, do you want me to have Enrique cover for the rest of your set tonight?" Sidney to my rescue, my buddy never ceased to amaze me. It was an inane gift that he seemed to sense my distress in the right moments.

"I will play a song and then have Enrique finished off my set for me. I don't think I can last much longer. Thanks Sid." Bartender extraordinaire and a friend, I was lucky to have another vampire who understood me. I downed the amber liquid feeling every bit of the dead weight that settled on me.

I walked to the stage and raise my hand up to get everyone's attention. It was like pulling teeth tonight; every single soul in the club seemed dead set in fulfilling their own chatter as I patiently tried to get flag their interest and succeeded after a few minutes.

"Thank you." I said as soon as everyone quieted down. "This song I will play next is a little out of the norm. It is not your regular piano piece but I figured out a way to play it and make it sound more classical than what it was originally intended to sound like. It is one of my personal favorites. The song is called _these hard times_. This will be my last song for the night, Enrique will finish the set for me as some delicate situation came up that needed my immediate attention tonight. I will make it up to all of you, I promise." Amidst the groans and silent protests that followed, I merely dipped my head in acknowledgment and strode to the piano.

All I wanted to get there as fast as I could and drown myself in solitude. I had to get away before I fell apart.

_Morning falls like rain, __  
__into the city life, there goes another night.__  
__Lose my breath in waves,__  
__Knowing that every crash, is bleeding the hour glass._

_Taking the stride, from all our lives._

_Everyone keeps talking, __  
__they'll promise you everything, they don't mean anything.__  
__We may lose our focus,__  
__There's just too many words, we're never meant to learn._

_And we don't feel so alive._

_Say goodbye, these days are gone,__  
__And we can't, keep holding on,__  
__When all we need, is some relief,__  
__Through these hard times._

_Move your hands in circles,__  
__Keeping me hypnotized, the power behind your eyes.__  
__Move around your bedroom,__  
__Cursing the naked sky, you should be here tonight._

_But you stay alone and cry._

_Say goodbye, these days are gone,__  
__And we can't, keep holding on,__  
__When all we need, is some relief,__  
__Through these hard times._

_There's something missing,__  
__You'll never feel it but you,__  
__You're gonna feel it when its gone,__  
__When its gone._

_Say goodbye, these days are gone,__  
__And we can't, keep holding on,__  
__When all we need, is some relief,__  
__Through these hard times._

_These hard times, hard times, hard times,__  
__Say goodbye, these days are gone,__  
__Say goodbye, these days are gone,__  
__These days are gone._

I made my final vow and removed myself from the noise infested room that usually soothes my aching soul on most nights but, not tonight. I moved swiftly to the door that led me to my loft. A sanctuary, where I wasn't afraid to be myself and finally let the ache that blanketed me for the most part of the day, hit me with full force.

I said my goodbye to Joe and to Bella, my love.

* * *

A/N: Not a very long chapter. Let me know what you think...Does Edward sounds like he is giving up? Next chapter will be up next thursday. Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9 Take me Away

_"Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever." Anonymous_

**Chapter 9: Take me away**

"Bella? Joe called out from the living room where he had spent the better part of the morning, keeping Bella company while she did some chores that she couldn't set aside any longer.

"Be right there honey," Bella replied from the kitchen where she was finishing up with loading the dishwasher. The sound of the machine grumbling and churning echoed in their apartment as Bella walked over the sofa where Joe was lounging, wrapped in a blanket next to the fireplace.

Joe reached out his hand as soon as he heard Bella's approaching footsteps. "Come here honey." He patted his lap and Bella gently sat down on him. Joe's eyes were closed as they had been most of the time ever since he lost most his eyesight. He would only open them when Bella was close by or when he needed to see his way around their apartment. He couldn't move much anymore, as any little movement elicited pain and could only be done with terrible difficulty.

Joe drew Bella impossibly closer to him as he skimmed his mouth to the back of her neck, basking in her sweet scent. The scent that was uniquely hers. He calmed himself before he spoke, not wanting Bella to get too worked up with what he was about to ask.

"Bella, can we get away from here?" Joe had a place in mind, the place where he and Bella would go for their weekend trips. It's almost a place where they could call their own, every time they could get away for a few nights, he and Bella would pack up their gear and head out to a little cottage by the ocean at the Hamptons. Bruce, a good friend from college owned the little treasure and had made it available for Joe and Bella whenever they felt the need to escape crazy city living. "I called Bruce and he said that we could use the cottage anytime." Joe sounded hopeful but Bella was uncertain that it was a good idea for him to be taking a 2 hour train ride to their little secluded getaway by the beach. Ultimately, Bella didn't have the heart to say no. Joe's frail condition and his inability to see might pose a challenge for them but Bella wouldn't deny any of his wishes. Joe felt Bella stiffen under his embrace before she gave him the answer he wanted to hear. He wanted to spend some time with his wife, away from the noises and the hustle and bustle of the big city. Instead, he ached to hear the sound of the ocean, the water kissing the beaches and the cry of the flying seagulls up overhead.

"Okay Joe, if that is what you want. Let me make some arrangements with the visiting nurse and see if she can visit you while we are there." Bella was mentally ticking off the phone calls she had to make for this to happen.

"No need for that honey, we won't be gone for long. We have all my pain medication and we can just bring a small oxygen tank with us." Joe sounded so sure of himself that Bella ached for him. He was her rock and at that very moment, his positive attitude reassured her that everything would be alright. Bella got up and offered her hand to Joe who in turn heaved himself off the couch with Bella's assistance.

"I will reserve a special cabin for us on the train so you can be more relaxed during our train trip." Joe would have made the arrangements himself but his darn eyesight now failed him.

"That is a good idea Bella. The journey would be so much comfortable then. Should I get my stuff ready?" Joe asked as he slowly walked back to their bedroom while using the walls as his guide.

"I can pack your stuff for you Joe." Bella called out from the other room where their computers were. Joe knew that she was already online looking to make their transportation reservations.

"It's okay honey, I think I can handle the packing." Joe called over his shoulder as he made his way into their bedroom. It didn't matter anymore if his clothes would match. He was more concern with getting Bella away from it all, where she could relax and regain her shaky bearings.

Joe started the task of stashing his sweaters, pullovers, sweatpants and jeans into the little roller overnight bag that he found on top of their closet. He then got all the remaining items that he needed for the weekend. After he got changed which left him gasping for breath, he sat down on the edge of the bed to settle his nerves. His head was pounding and he felt nauseated. _It will pass_, he told himself quietly.

"Honey, are you okay?" Bella asked when she saw Joe wincing while she shuffled back and forth to the bathroom, getting their toiletry necessities together. She walked hurriedly to Joe and begun hovering around him nervously.

"I am fine Bella, just a little winded, that's all." Joe dismissed her fears as he kissed her on the tip of her nose.

"You will let me know when you are in pain or if something is wrong, right?"

"Yes I will honey….. I promise." Joe wanted to ease her worries away. Bella had suffered enough as it was already.

After several minutes of movement back and forth with which Joe followed with his ears, he heard the overnight bag being zipped closed and knew that Bella was ready to go.

They stepped out of the December cold and hailed a taxi that would take them to Grand central station where they would catch the train that would eventually carry them to their own personal idea of paradise.

The travel went without a hitch. The ride was smooth and Joe was able to keep himself together, appearing like he was pain-free. He made a mental note to not make Bella worry, so every pounding of pain, he chose to ignore and kept his appearance even for Bella's sake.

They finally reached the little cottage nestled on a hill overlooking the ocean. It was a treasure that Bruce had shared with Joe repeatedly. He was his closest friend but work took Bruce away from New York and he left the keys with Joe.

The white cottage had two bedrooms and one bathroom. The furnishings were comfortable and the tiny house was their haven away from the city. Bella walked Joe across the living room to the bedroom to familiarize him with the rooms and whatever hazard may pose when he walk around by himself.

Joe smiled at the loving way Bella held his arm and guided him around. He felt very lucky having her in his life and not one day had gone by that he did not thank God that he found her, and she was his wife.

Hours later, they made their way down the isolated beach and found they had the place all to themselves since it was December and not a lot of tourists were keen on spending time at the beach in the cold weather. The entire stretch was empty and they walked hand in hand slowly on the edge of the beach where the cold water went up to their ankles. The feel of the soft sand comforted Joe as he held Bella's hand tighter during their walk.

After a few minutes of walking, Bella urged Joe to sit down and they settled on the blanket that they brought with them. Joe seated himself first and patted his lap so Bella could rest her head on his thighs. After a moment of stillness and quiet in which they took in the serenity of their environment and the peace of having each other, Joe finally broke the silence that they both were enjoying. "Bella, I want you to have this. I was planning to give this to you on our anniversary but I think _now_ is a perfect time for you have it. Joe held out a red velvet pouch out to Bella.

"You got me a gift already?" Bella couldn't contain her excitement as she loosened the cord on the velvet pouch. Her fingers found a silver locket and chain which she inspected with curiosity. She opened the locket gingerly and saw it revealed a picture taken on their wedding day on one half and the other side had an inscription that said _I will forever hold your love in my heart. Xoxo Joe._

Bella had tears in her eyes when she finally tore her gaze away from the sweetest gift that Joe had given her. She pushed herself up and tucked her legs underneath her as she threw her arms around Joe's neck and kissed him passionately on the mouth. She left him breathless as the kiss lasted longer than most they shared recently.

"You have given me so much already honey, but this one tops everything by far. Thank you." The tears fell non-stop for both of them as their lips reunited for another long and passionate kiss.

"I will love you forever Bella, never forget that." Joe whispered in her ears softly.

"I will love you the same way Joe, _forever._" Bella replied achingly.

"Honey, I want to cook our dinner tonight." Joe announced while they were seated outside the balcony chairs overlooking the ocean. The breeze was chilly but the blanket that they had wrapped around them gave them the warmth that they sought. It had been an emotional afternoon for them starting with Joe's gift and their walk on the beach.

"No, let me do it Joe. You have to rest so we can go out for a walk again tomorrow." Bella replied but she knew that she would have to relent, she always did. She loved Joe too much to say no to his requests.

"I will need your help honey. I won't be exerting too much effort anyway. How do you feel about Salmon with pasta? And there's a bottle of white wine in the wine fridge that we can pop open. I just feel like celebrating with my wife tonight."

"Salmon and pasta sounds wonderful." Bella always loved Joe's cooking. He had always been the better cook between the two of them. "I will get the wine and we can start with a little cheese while you cook."

Joe was even humming while he cooked and not long after he was putting the finishing touches on their meal. Bella lit some candles on the dining table they took their seats and started their meal in complete but comfortable silence. Bella kept glancing at Joe and loving the smile that was evident on his handsome face.

"I want to make a toast." Joe announced after they had their first bite, as he took his wine glass from the table and raised it in Bella's direction.

"Sure honey," Bella did the same with her glass.

"Here's to you, a woman like no other, my pillar of strength and the music to my soul. You kept my heart beating and I thank you for giving yourself to me so freely. I love you honey. Today, Tomorrow and Always."

"Thanks honey, as I, you." Bella's eyes were shimmering with tears that she didn't try and hold back. They clinked their glasses and drank the contents before Bella walked over to Joe's back and wrapped her arms around him and rested her face at the crook of his neck. "I love you Joe," she whispered lovingly in his ears.

"Where is all this energy coming from Joe?" She finally asked after she took a last bite of her salmon.

"I feel good today. I just wanted to have a little dinner with you since we never get to go out." Joe gave her his sweetest smile as he looked in her direction.

"This is great Joe, I'm glad you thought about this."

They went to bed well after midnight after playing a game of scrabble which Joe managed with very little difficulty. He felt the tiles with his fingers while Bella read the words on the board to him and the points that he would earn if he formed the words diagonally or horizontally. It was a nice evening filled with laughter and love. It was the only way they knew how to share their time together.

They snuggled together by the fireplace where they decided to sleep as opposed to the bedroom. They laid some blankets on the rug and settled happily in each other's arms. _This was a good day._ Bella thought happily to herself. Sleep claimed them almost at the same time.

"I love you Bella." Joe murmured sleepily.

"I love you _forever_ Joe." Bella heard herself respond before she completely drifted off to sleep as the background music lulled them to sleep.

* * *

**Time to click on the playlist- open another window while you read the rest of the story**

_May the angels protect you  
Trouble neglect you  
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home  
May you always have plenty  
Your glass never empty  
Know in your belly  
You're never alone_

May your tears come from laughing  
You find friends worth having  
With every year passing  
They mean more than gold  
May you win but stay humble  
Smile more than grumble  
And know when you stumble  
You're never alone

Never alone  
Never alone  
I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone

Well, I have to be honest  
As much as I want it  
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow  
So when hard times have found you  
And your fear surround you  
Wrap my love around you  
You're never alone

Never alone  
Never alone  
I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone

May the angels protect you  
Trouble neglect you  
And heaven accept you when it's time to go home  
And when hard times have found you  
And your fear surround you  
Wrap my love around you  
You're never alone

Never alone  
Never alone  
I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone

* * *

**Buzz….. Buzz…**

Edward scrambled out of the shower when he heard an incoming text. Still dripping wet, he walked over to his nightstand and smiled when he saw the text coming from Bella. He hadn't heard from either Joe or Bella for several weeks and was allowing them the privacy they needed and assumed that everything was going as well as to be expected.

He flicked to the message.

**I need help….please…139 S. Main Street, Southampton. B**

**I am on my way. Be there in a few minutes. E**

Edward hurriedly changed into a sweater and jeans and tore out of his club in a rush, intent on getting to Bella as fast as he could.

* * *

**A/N:** I know another cliffie...sorry about that. *coughs* Do you think her SOS call had something to do with Joe? Well, let me hear it. All the quiet ones...please say, "hey I'm here and reading". Make my day and have a great Memorial weekend to those who celebrate the holiday.

A quick thanks before I forget to EE, my awesome beta. And to SK and Keye, two awesome ladies and pre-readers.


	10. Chapter 10 Right Here Waiting

**"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." Norman Cousins**

**Chapter 10:**

**EPOV:**

Not taking the time to alert Sidney of my plans, I rushed out of the club in a frenzied haste. Bella's text troubled me. I knew I had to get to her as swiftly as my feet could take me. I decided to forgo the public transportation, knowing full well that running would be the only means that would get me to her faster. A fraction of what it would entail if I was at the mercy of humans to transport me to my destination. The sight and sounds of Christmas wafted through the crisp holiday air. The excitement radiating from the people around me would have been infectious at any given day, but not today.

I tore through the crazy holiday rush, trying to appear normal despite my hurried movements as I headed straight to the forest. As soon as I was out of plain sight, I took off as fast as I could, letting my instincts guide me. All I could think of was Bella…..and Joe. Could it be?

I sped through the thick forest vegetations focused on getting to the Hamptons as quickly as I could. I leapt, jumped and sped through the wooded area in a blur. It was nine o'clock in the morning when I received Bella's text; my projected arrival was at 9:30 am. It would be sooner than expected but I'd be crazy if I just stood around and killed time for the sake of appearances. I needed to see her. Every single inch of my being wanted to be with her, even in any capacity. I could live with it.

The wind exhilarated me. Every swooshing sound that my feet created told me that I was getting closer to her. Then there was the thought of Joe…. every part of me screamed for Bella, but I didn't want him to pass on… I wanted Bella to be happy and he was her happiness. I was a wretched fool to long for my own misery, but her joy meant to more to me than my own sense of pleasure.

I didn't stop running until I cleared the forest where I continued at a slower pace under the close scrutiny of the locals. I walked towards the address that Bella provided on her text. I was a mere mile away when I smelled the stench of death. I knew what I would be coming upon soon. I searched for Bella's thoughts amidst the rambling of several people in the vicinity in my head, but none registered as hers. This worried me greatly. I only heard sobs followed by silence.

I went against my better judgment; I started jogging towards the house followed by stares of people walking by. I was well aware that I was a stranger in this quiet town and I tried to look nonchalant despite the growing apprehension that I was experiencing at that moment.

I finally reached the little white cottage with blue trimmings and I circled the property first to ascertain myself that I got the right house. I knocked gently on the door, forgoing the doorbell and waited.

NOTHING.

No one stirred inside the house. It was eerily quiet. A lone heartbeat pounded erratically in its rhythm with the continued sobs that my sensitive hearing picked up. A little humming started just as I was ready to kick the door open but I didn't want to make a scene in this quiet and sleepy neighborhood.

I'd be damned if I would wait a minute longer. I looked around to check if anyone was paying attention to me. The neighbors were going about their business and I carefully let myself through one of the unlatched windows. It was tricky weaving into a little square opening but I managed to squeeze my body in without ripping my clothes.

The sight that I found in the living room made the hair in the back of my neck rise. I knew what to expect but nothing prepared me for the actual experience of finding Bella with her arms around Joe. The fireplace had long extinguished and the embers were but a build-up of ashes. It was eerily cold inside the cottage. Bella was humming a tune that she associated with Joe. I made cautious and silent steps towards them, careful not to startle Bella by any means.

One good look at Joe's immobile body confirmed what I already knew. He was dead and by the scent in the air, he had been dead for several hours. The odor that floated around validated my worst suspicion. The process of decomposition had already started. If my guess was right, Joe died in his sleep.

"Bella?" I whispered her name softly.

No answer.

"Bella?" I repeated myself. "I came as fast as I could."

Her humming continued, accompanied by heartbreaking sobs. She was broken. The sound penetrated my soul and I felt myself break into pieces as her silent lamentation reverberated inside my head. She said nothing, the emptiness said it all. I leaned closer to see her face. She was looking at Joe, her eyes were bloodshot from tears that continued to fall quietly and relentlessly.

I decided to place my hand lightly on her shoulder and with this she seemed to snap out of her depressive trance. She turned her head in my direction but kept her hands around Joe. Her eyes were empty but showed a little sign of life when she looked at me, like I was heaven sent.

"Why isn't Joe moving, Edward?" her barely inaudible voice croaked.

I debated whether I should be the one to break the news to her of what I thought she refused to admit. She was clearly in denial being in the position she was in at that very moment.

"Bella, I think Joe had left us," even my voice broke with the declaration. I dreaded what was to come.

"No, no, no! I think he is just slumbering Edward," her words established what I feared, this wouldn't be easy.

"Joe is gone Bella, it's time for you to let go….."

"He is not, he will awaken in a little bit..." she didn't even let me finish as her words of denial rang in my ears. What should I do at a moment like this?

"Bella, we need to call the mortician to pick up Joe's body now…"

I found myself in foreign waters. Death was something I only see but would never have a chance to experience, for I would forever be in existence. I placed my hands on both her shoulders to help her up but she resisted and hugged Joe's limp body harder. I decided that she needed more time to digest the reality of Joe's demise, ignoring my concerns with the fact that Joe's body was already decomposing. His eyes were closed, but his mouth was a bit ajar with what seemed to be a little smile. Joe passed on peacefully and I took comfort in that and that he no longer suffered any pain.

I walked over to the window and decided to wait until Bella was ready. I looked outside and remained in the very same spot, unmoving. I tuned myself to Bella only. I felt every emotion that flowed within her now.

_Dead? No! It can't be! Joe wake up now! We are going to walk on the beach! Joe! Joe! Joeeee, please answer me. Edward is here! C'mon Joe…_

Bella started shaking Joe's body, gently at first as if she was rousing a sleeping person. "Joe? Time to get up honey." She repeated herself several times as her voice broke with every call of his name. There was nothing I could do but watch from afar as she started shaking him harder, her eyes finally registered recognition. Soon after, her wailing began…the shrill sound of her voice resonated inside the house and I couldn't keep myself away from her anymore. Every thread in my body wanted to comfort her and to tell her that everything would be alright. Would it be enough?

I moved to where Bella was and pried her away from Joe and this time, there was no resistance from her but her gaze was still averted in Joe's direction as I turned her around to face me. Her eyes were a large pool of tears, her mouth contorted into a pitiable line and she was gasping for breath. I tilted her chin up so she would look into my eyes as I rubbed her back to relieve her knotted muscles. "Bella, I am here for you…tell me what I can do for you…."

She finally lifted her eyes to meet mine. "Bring him back to me….." her words stabbed me deeper than I could ever imagine.

"It's time to let him go Bella. Let's get Joe and _you_ home." I said, feeling all the grief that Bella was experiencing. She didn't utter a word when she buried her face on my chest and wept.

******* Time to click on the playlist. Can be found on my profile.*******

_Oceans apart day after day__  
__And I slowly go insane__  
__I hear your voice on the line__  
__But it doesn't stop the pain__  
__If I see you next to never__  
__Then how can we say forever_

_CHORUS:_

_Wherever you go__  
__Whatever you do__  
__I will be right here waiting for you__  
__Whatever it takes__  
__Or how my heart breaks__  
__I will be right here waiting for you_

_I took for granted all the times__  
__That I thought would last somehow__  
__I hear the laughter__  
__I taste the tears__  
__But I can't get near you now__  
__Oh can't you see it baby__  
__You got me going crazy_

_REPEAT CHORUS:_

_Wherever you go__  
__Whatever you do__  
__I will be right here waiting for you__  
__Whatever it takes__  
__Or how my heart breaks__  
__I will be right here waiting for you_

_I wonder how we can survive this romance__  
__But in the end if I'm with you__  
__I'll take the chance_

_Oh can't you see it baby__  
__You've got me going crazy_

_REPEAT CHORUS:_

_Wherever you go__  
__Whatever you do__  
__I will be right here waiting for you__  
__Whatever it takes__  
__Or how my heart breaks__  
__I will be right here waiting for you_

_Waiting for you_

* * *

**A/N:** Let's take a moment of silence to digest what just happened in this chapter. Joe is gone... now what? I need you guys to give me your best guesses on what you think will happen next. Would Edward be able to help a grieving Bella? Would she let him?

I would love to hear from my quiet readers. Make me smile! Thanks to three awesome ladies; EE, SK and Keye. You guys rock!

* * *

By the way, there's this story that I am co-writing with SK and I'm wondering if you guys would like to read it. It's an original fiction and if you are familiar with the Lord of the Rings, Black Dagger Brotherhood and the Demonica Series, this story is in the same genre. The title is Shaletan Code- I think you might want to give it a whirl!

http(:)/www(.)thewriterscoffeeshop(.)com/library/viewstory(.)php?sid=4686&chapter=1

Please don't forget to remove all the parenthesis.

I can assure you that you won't be sorry for checking it out. Please take the time to give your reviews every chapter. Thanks.


	11. Chapter 11 Weep Not for the Memories

**Chapter 11: Weep not for the memories**

**BPOV:**

"Bella?" Edward's voice jarred me back to my nightmare known as the _present_. I blinked my eyes once, twice…. still trying to get a grip of the reality that I now faced. He held his hand out to me to help me out of the limousine that picked us up from the Hamptons. Sidney appeared at the cottage doorsteps just when Joe's body was being picked up by the reps from the funeral home. They refused to have me accompany Joe despite my repeated pleas.

"Bella?" Edward repeated himself before I totally snapped out of my trance. We were in front of my apartment building now. I took his outstretched hand as he guided me out of the vehicle. Sidney was looking on with a somber expression on his face.

"Bella, I don't know what to say except I am sorry for your loss. Joe will be missed, he was a good man."

"He was, wasn't he?" I knew I shouldn't have spoken, my voice came out in a whisper and I broke down and cried one more time. Sidney pulled me into a hug as I buried my face in his chest and wept for a long time.

I had no idea how long we stood out there in the harsh December cold until I heard Edward's gentle voice speak ever so softly.

"Bella it's getting late. You have to get some rest."

I wiped the tears that were still streaming down my face before I turned around to face our apartment building.

Edward already had mine and Joe's overnight bags in his hands as he walked me to my door. I hesitated and stood outside, fumbling to find the right key. I couldn't bring myself to turn the door knob and surround myself with everything that screamed Joe's name. I was glued on the very same spot for several minutes while my emotions got the best of me, again.

Sensing my hesitation, Edward cleared his throat a few times before he spoke. "Bella, I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now. But you need to get some sleep. You still have a long day tomorrow."

He took the key from my trembling hands, flipped the lights on and led me to the room where Joe and I spent our last day inside our apartment. I took my little steps into our apartment with trepidation beating down on my broken heart.

"I….I can't do it Edward," I halted my staggered steps even before I reached the sofa where the blanket previously used by Joe was still placed where he left it. Joe's scent still lingered in the room. The pain in my heart doubled as I glanced longingly at every reminder of Joe inside the living room. How could I go on?

"Bella, is there anything I can do for you before I go?" I heard Edward speak from behind me as I stood, glued to the spot.

_What can anyone do for me? _ My mind wanted to scream the words out. Instead, I slowly shook my head_. Breathe Bella breathe_, I ordered myself.

An ensuing sigh followed by the sound of keys being placed on the kitchen table. Slow steps lingered before Edward spoke again, "I will call you in the morning." And the door softly clicked shut and I found myself alone in a roomful of reminders of Joes. Kibi walked out of our bedroom as I just stood alone in the room, feeling bereft more than ever. He brushed his body against my leg and purred longingly_. It's just you and me now buddy._ The thoughts were unbearable as I picked Kibi up and hugged him tightly.

Where do I begin?

The nagging question came back to me over and over again. It took me every ounce of effort that I possessed to make myself take a step. Blinded by the unstoppable tears, I walked over to the kitchen and groped for a bottle of wine which I uncorked with unsteady hands. I filled a glass to the brim; with the glass and bottle in my hands I made my way back to the sofa where I wrapped myself with the blanket, while Kibi made himself comfortable next to me. I gulped the wine with every intention of numbing my pain. Glass after glass, I consumed the contents of the bottle to relieve the ache in my heart.

_Joe…._ I begged silently_, please stay with me._

* * *

The sound of my ringtone jolted me out my sleep. I stumbled off of the sofa feeling the ill-effects of a hangover so strong that I felt sick to my stomach. The persistent ringing continued while I continued to follow the sound to my purse by the door. With a pounding in my head, I got to my cell phone just in time before the last ring sounded.

"Hello?"

"Bella Davis?" a deep baritone asked from the other end. "This is Sol Wright from the West Hills Mortuary.

"Yes, this is Bella Davis," my reply came in a whisper, the staggering reality hit me again like a wrecking ball jamming against my head with mad force that caused me to lurch forward. "Hold on for just a second Mr. Wright." I ran to the kitchen sink and painfully emptied my stomach of its contents under the running water.

"Are you still there Mr. Wright? What can I do for you?"

"Mrs. Davis, I would like for you to come in to our office to sign some papers. You need to choose a casket for Mr. Davis and bring the clothes that you would like him to be buried in." The words whirled through my mind like a jumbled mess that I couldn't comprehend. I gripped onto my cell phone tightly as I stifled a sob that followed my confusion.

"Mrs. Davis, is everything alright? Concern was evident in the man's voice on the end of the line as I grappled with the emptiness that stared at me with unwavering resolve.

"Yes….." I whispered softly….nothing knowing what to do or say. Joe can't be gone…..he can't be!

"Is two o' clock this afternoon good for you?"

"I will be there," I whispered softly before I hung up the phone. Where should I start? Was this really happening to me? I broke down yet again and laid on the couch for a long time before I could muster enough strength to make myself move, least of all, go through the agonizing motion of picking the clothes for Joe, as Mr. Wright mentioned over the phone. I retrieved Joe's overnight bag by the door where Edward left them the night before.

Emptying the contents of the bag which he packed for himself made me ache to my bones. I felt my heart breaking into pieces as I found myself tracing my hand on every piece of his clothing. I picked up the revered pieces of clothing one by one. I realized that I was longing to smell his own unique scent as I placed the fabric to my face to catch anything that would keep Joe alive in any way. I felt like a glutton for punishment, the more I got my fill of his distinct scent, I ached for more. I sniffed all the clothes in his bag until I felt there was none left. Tears were falling relentlessly as I covered my face with all his clothes, wishing he was still around or I was with him wherever he was.

Time went by quickly as I laid in bed wishing for the impossible. _Joe, Joe…_ I called out his name several times, just hoping…..wishing…..

My heart was broken….my tears unstoppable….the pain unbearable. _Oh God, why did it have to be him?_ I found myself questioning my beliefs, doubting everything around me. Why such cruelty? I need the pain to go away!

I finally pushed myself off the bed and brought his clothes to the closet, each step becoming a grueling task. A piece of paper fell on the floor as I was putting his things where they belong. I picked up the paper and unfolded it and suddenly my eyes were brimming with tears again when I was greeted by Joe's handwriting. It was dated a month ago.

_To my ever dearest Bella,_

_I made some preparations for the day when I have to leave you. I figured that you will be in a tough situation by the time you find this letter because I am no longer with you. Funny how people say that you won't know death is close even if it was staring at you in the eye. I knew that my time had come, it is just a matter of time, and I wanted ease some of your burdens at this most trying of time. I realized that certain decisions have to be made and I want to make it easier for you._

_What should you have me wear when I am up for display in my shiny casket? I'll say my favorite jeans and my black blazer over my rolling stones t-shirt, the one that you bought for me when we saw them in concert. That will be very comfortable and it is so ME. Keep my wedding ring with you. I want you to have it as a reminder of how we LOVED. _

_Casket? It's just a box! Just choose a sensible one; a white one would be nice. Music? Ahhh, that's not so tough. Please have them play our wedding song. Let my passing be a celebration of what we had and not what we lost. _

_If you turn on my laptop, I already have a draft of names of the people that you have to inform of my passing. My last will would be executed by Attorney Smith and you have nothing to worry about, my love. I have some properties from my parents that have been transferred in your name already. I want your worries to end with me. Take care of yourself now as you have done for me. I cherished you every day of my life and will continue to keep you in my soul._

_I love you Bella and know that I am always with you in spirit. _

_Forever,_

_Joe_

I dropped down on my knees and wept when I reached the last part of his letter. "Joe…..Joe…it doesn't have to end like this."

My heart was filled with undoubted love but an overflowing longing that I had never felt before. Was this how the rest of my life would be? My other half was gone and I felt like a part of me died with him.

**Buzz….Buzz…**

I flicked my cell phone to read the incoming text.

_Just checking if everything's alright with you. Is there anything you need? E_

I wiped my tears away and texted my response with a heavy heart.

_Going to the funeral parlor at 2PM today to sign some papers and to make other arrangements. B_

_**Buzz…Buzz…**_

Edward's response came back faster than I expected.

_Do you want me to go with you? E_

_Do you have the time? B_

_**Buzz…Buzz…**_

_Of course, I will be outside your apt. at 1:45PM. E_

_Thank you. B_

I found myself in the kitchen after I finished texting Edward, I rummaged through the cabinets in hopes of finding a half opened bottle of scotch that I've purchased a while back. It should do the trick…..I needed it now more than ever. I poured myself a generous portion. Two full glasses later, I reached the desired numbing effect that I sought and walked back to our bedroom to get Joe's stuff ready.

With the dull effect that the scotch made possible, I was able to go through the task of putting together Joe's perfect outfit. The effort that he put into making things easier for me in that aspect really helped. I zipped the garment bag closed and even added his favorite sneakers to it.

I powered up Joe's laptop as he instructed, all the while feeling the effects of the alcohol within me. I haven't eaten a thing since yesterday. Nothing seems appetizing to me anymore. The first thing that greeted me as soon as I logged in was Joe's wallpaper, a picture of us taken during our honeymoon at St. Croix. I gazed at his picture with a terrible ache that seemed to get worse by the minute. I traced my fingers on his face that stared back at my on the computer monitor. For the umpteenth time, I broke down and cried my heart out again. I cried out for the empty space he left in me. Would the pain ever go away? Do I want it to?

After the worst of my tears were over, I noticed an icon labeled as Joe's songs for Bella and a little heart next to it. Curiously, I clicked on the icon and a song that I vaguely remember started playing.

* * *

***Time to click the playlist link on my profile marked Chapter 11***

* * *

_I will remember you__  
__Will you remember me?__  
__Don't let your life pass you by__  
__Weep not for the memories_

_Remember the good times that we had?__  
__I let them slip away from us when things got bad__  
__How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun__  
__Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

_I will remember you__  
__Will you remember me?__  
__Don't let your life pass you by__  
__Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep__  
__Standin' on the edge of something much too deep__  
__It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word__  
__We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard_

_But I will remember you__  
__Will you remember me?__  
__Don't let your life pass you by__  
__Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose__  
__Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose__  
__Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night__  
__You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

_And I will remember you__  
__Will you remember me?__  
__Don't let your life pass you by__  
__Weep not for the memories_

_And I will remember you__  
__Will you remember me?__  
__Don't let your life pass you by__  
__Weep not for the memories__  
__Weep not for the memories_

* * *

I should've slammed the laptop shut but I couldn't make myself stop listening. For obvious reasons, Joe had been listening to this song and he knew at some point that I would be listening to it too. I felt a tug within me as I immersed myself in the song and the lyrics and didn't attempt to stop my tears from falling.

A loud pounding on the door roused me from an uncomfortable position that I found myself in next to Joe's laptop. I gathered myself, unsure of what happened to me. All I could remember was listening to the song over and over.

I ran to answer the door and found Edward outside with a worried expression on his face. He looked at me long and hard, as if he was trying to read my thoughts as I let him in the apartment.

"Bella, is everything okay? I was waiting for you outside… you have a two o'clock appointment right? He looked around the room and settled in his eyes on the discarded wine bottle on the floor.

"Oh my God, what time is it?" I glanced at the wall clock; it was five minutes to two. "I fell asleep! Let me get my stuff and we can go in five minutes." I hurriedly brushed my teeth and combed my hair, not even bothering to change into fresh clothes. I took Joe's things and met Edward outside my door.

"I apologize if I kept you waiting…." I began as soon as we were inside the taxi cab. It was raining and it matched my mood in every way. I felt sick to my stomach as the cab under Edward's instruction wove in and out of lanes, to get us to the funeral parlor as quickly as possible.

Edward spent the better part of the ride in silence… glancing my way too many times but remained quiet. I didn't have the urge to talk and I was glad that he respected my need for space.

The daunting task that scared me so much went smoothly. Mr. Wright claimed that he and Joe had been communicating in the last month and Joe made all the arrangements already, despite my argument that I didn't want him to. There was nothing left for me to do but to choose the _box_, which I later learned from Mr. Wright, was something Joe wanted me to do. I chose a simple solid wood casket painted in white, just what Joe wanted.

"So Mrs. Davis, I will make all the arrangements for the viewing tomorrow and the funeral service for the next day. I also sent the obituary information that Joe gave me for publishing. It will be in tomorrow's paper. Please give me a call if you have any other questions." The balding middle aged man held his hand out to me and I shook it with gloom. I nodded at him before I sought Edward to take me out of there in a hurry.

My head was spinning by the time we got out. The tears that I fought hard to keep came pouring out in torrents. The last thing I remembered was Edward speaking to me but I couldn't hear what he was trying to say. Everything went black.

* * *

**A/N: **Let me get this out of the way first, I would like to thank EE aka Edward's Eternal for getting this chapter quickly back to me and ready to go. Also, SK and Keye, you are guys are awesome! You both sent your input so fast that I don't even get a chance to display my impatience. LOL.

I don't have much to say about this chapter but I hope you guys do. I know it's a terribly sad and heartbreaking. If you have any song that you would like for me to consider and feature in this story, please send me the song title and the name of the artist. I would be happy to accommodate you, so long as it fits the chapter. Btw, the letter is not the "letter" yet. Just so you know, that will be given to Bella when Edward think the time is right. Edward does not have an idea of the contents at all.

What do you think will happen in the near future? What's in store for Bella or Edward? Share your thoughts with me. Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12 The Love of My Life

**Chapter 12: The love of my life**

******"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal."**

**EPOV:**

I could only watch Bella from a distance while she wrestled with the sorrow and grief on her own. The loss was tremendous and heartbreaking and I couldn't even begin to comprehend what it felt like. I could feel her every pain, every tear that poured out of her eyes reminded me that we only not lost Joe but Bella was also slipping away.

What more could I do for her except be a shoulder to cry on? I sensed every emotion that rattled through her like they were my own. I felt every pain, regret and longing like they came from me. For once, eloquence evaded me as I watched her, all helpless and lost.

I worry about Bella. I knew she didn't have close relatives, she and Joe were both only children and, they were their own family. To find her attempting to survive on her own was staggering enough. I only hope that I have it in me to be a pillar of strength for her. If I could take her pain away, I wouldn't hesitate to take it and carry her burden for her. The road that stared ahead is shaky and I dread every step that she'll have to take.

Buzz….. Buzz…..

A call coming from the club's intercom sounded, rousing me from my self-imposed stupor. The past few days had been a tough crawl for me. How much so for Bella? I pushed the white button wearily to answer the caller at the other end. "Yes?"

"Oh hi Edward, it's Lucy. Sidney said you wanted to talk to me?" The native New Yorker and one of my valued employees asked.

"Hey Lucy, yes I wanted to talk to you. You are aware that Bella's husband, Joe, passed away right?"

"Yes, in fact I was talking to Bella this morning. She is a mess boss." Lucy's voice was colored with worry as she waited to my answer.

"She is Lucy that is why I wanted to talk to you. There is a viewing tonight and the funeral will be tomorrow. I am wondering if you can make it to both and I will have you on the clock during the time you are there." I thought it was only fair that Lucy be compensated if she would do it for me as a favor.

"No need to pay me boss. Bella and I had been talking on the phone on and off and we had grown rather close. If you can find someone to fill in for me while I am there, that would be very much appreciated." The information was a surprise to me but I was glad and at the same time relieved that Bella had made a friend.

"I will have Sidney find someone who can you for those two days. Thank you Lucy, this means a lot to me."

"You are welcome but really no need to thank me. Bella is a good friend and I know she needs all the support she can get at a time like this. I will see you there tonight." She said before the intercom went silent.

"Thank you Lucy, again!" I called out before I switched off the intercom and went back to my study. I sat on the leather chair deep in thought. All of them were regarding Bella. How would she cope? All my warning signals were telling me that she was a walking time bomb. Volatile and fragile, a deadly combination.

Opening the drawer of his desk, he found Joe's letter for Bella on top of all the neatly stacked papers. He took it out and inspected it with gloom latching itself on him_. You will know when the time is right Edward._ Joe had said. Would he really know when he should hand the precious cargo to Bella?

* * *

After carefully inspecting himself in the mirror, Edward considered himself ready. He chose a black suit that he rarely used except for dinner engagements that he somehow has to attend once in a while. He felt funny with the leather shoes that now replaced his usual Chuck Taylors. He bounded the stairs in a relative hurry before stopping by the bar to give Sidney some last minute instructions.

"Here ya go Boss," Sidney pushed a glass of his favorite scotch followed by the bottle. "I think you'll need several of those before you go." He merely nodded to Edward, Sidney knew what his friend was going through, whether Edward told him or not. He respected his need for space and besides, the task of running the club had fallen on his hands whenever Edward was unavailable, which he knew would be often in the coming days.

"Sidney," Edward called out while the bartender was busy pouring some drink orders. "I need you to do something for me please."

"Sure thing boss," Sidney walked over in front of Edward, automatically wiping the surrounding counter before he tucked his hands in his pockets and waited for Edward to speak.

"I have a replacement for tonight and tomorrow right?" He was more than sure that Sidney had taken care of the task already. He just had to ask.

"Yes boss, Enrique will cover for you on both nights so don't worry about it. I think we'll do okay in your absence." Sidney gave me a reassuring grin as his blue eyes looked back at me earnestly.

"I want you to do another thing for me, Sidney." I beckoned him to come closer so the other bar patrons wouldn't hear what I had to say. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the bar table.

"I'm all ears boss," he finally said as he waited for me to speak.

"I need you to find another musician that can cover my set indefinitely. I know Enrique has another gig across town and it's not fair for him if we keep on messing with his schedule."

"Sure I can do that. Does this mean that you will not be here most nights?"

"Bella…..I'm worried about her. Really worried about her! I will try to keep her company as much as she will let me. That being said, I hate to compromise the club and our regulars. So it's better if we have someone who can entertain the patrons until I am fully back on track. I will try to be here as much as I can but I can't tell how much time I need to be away."

"Gotcha boss. I have a perfect person…he is….." Sidney leaned much closer and whispered something in Edward's ear, before he spoke out in a normal tone again. "He is currently looking for a more regular gig and I think he'll be a perfect fit for Midnight Blue. I'll have him come over to meet you. His name is Emmett McCarthy and he's a saxophonist." Sidney announced proudly.

"Good, good. Have him come over to meet me the day after tomorrow so I can give him a little audition and discuss our line-up with him." I downed my third glass and flicked my eyes to Sidney. "I will see you tomorrow my friend. Thanks for manning the fort while I'm gone." I turned to leave when I heard Sidney's' answer.

"Anytime boss, anytime…"

* * *

Arriving at the funeral home at exactly eight p.m. Edward found several people he didn't recognize milling around. Some guests were already seated; some were still offering their condolences to Bella, who was seated on the first pew, directly in front of Joe's open casket. I glanced at the whole place, taking in all the emotions of the people present. Most were Joe's colleagues, some college friends, neighbors and a few of Bella's old acquaintances. A best buddy of Joe named Bruce had his arms around Bella, giving her words of consolation. I could hear Bella's sobbing even without getting closer to her. Her mind was in a numb state as she listened quietly, occasionally nodding her head. I focused my attention on the book in front of me where every attendees of the service would sign in.

I wrote my name in an elegant cursive before I walked to the area were a few people where gathered. It gave me a better view of Bella's face. I looked around and saw some pictures of Joe scattered around. They were meticulously framed and perched on easels placed strategically around the room.

Many more people arrived and spoke with Bella one by one before a gentleman in a black suit addressed the crowd.

"Hello, my name is Bruce Weldon and I am a good friend to Joe and Bella Davis. Bella asked me to speak on her behalf." Bruce pulled out a piece of paper and cleared his throat before he began reading from the paper. I stood next to the wall and forgo seating with other people. I needed to see Bella, to get the feel of her emotions. Anything that can give me an ounce of her was good enough. I tuned out Bruce's voice as I focused on Bella's ongoing internal turmoil.

"Hey boss," Lucy greeted from behind me. I didn't even realize she had arrived due to my undivided concentration directed at Bella.

"Lucy, glad you made it." We exchanged hugs and stood next to each other.

Bella was crying inside. She was torn and tormented and lost….Every single fiber in my being wanted to take her and comfort her but I restrained myself. It was a moot point to have her break down in front of these people when I could see that she was trying to keep herself together. I wanted her to know that everything would be alright and I am there for her. Was that enough?

After several passages were read and some hymns sang, the line began to view Joe's body by all the attendees. Lucy and I waited for our turn before we stood in line to pay our respect to Joe. Inch by inch the line moved closer and I felt each and every single step getting heavier and more difficult. Lucy went first as I waited for my turn, Bella glanced up and we looked at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Her lips trembled and she buried her face in her hands when she could no longer hold herself together. Lucy rushed to her side and wrapped her hands around Bella. I proceeded to see Joe.

Joe looked peaceful; the same hint of smile that I saw back in the cottage was still spread across his face. Pain was not his companion anymore and he was now with his creator, the very essence of his refusal for my eternal gift. He was in a better place now. My silent heart was jubilant because his constant suffering was no longer present. Bella on the other hand remained. A slew of the unknown awaited her. A part of me empathized with her. It's a long hard road that she had to trudge and I planned to be there for her no matter what.

"Rest easy my friend," I whispered under my breath before I walked towards Bella's direction and sat next to Lucy who still had her arms around Bella.

The rest of the service was over within the next 15 minutes while Lucy and I lingered in silence. Bella's attention was demanded everywhere. People still wanted to talk to her and she bravely set her face in a mask devoid of emotions, mechanically listening to peoples chatter about Joe and their relationship with him. Bruce was by her side the whole time, guiding her and comforting her.

"Bella? Would you like me to take you home?" I finally came up to her after the guests had departed and we were the only ones left.

Bella simply looked at me and nodded her head. I led her to the front door and as spoke briefly with Mr. Wright regarding the details for tomorrow's funeral. I took the liberty of getting her jacket from the coat rack and draped it on her shoulder before we walked out in the dark, cold and moonless night.

Apart from the occasional sobbing that accompanied her sniffles; our cab ride back to her apartment was spent in silence. Again, words eluded me.

"Bella?" I roused her as soon as the cab stopped in front of her apartment. I paid our cab fare and helped her out of the idling vehicle. Bella was in dazed, shock maybe. It appeared that she had been going through the motions; it worried me knowing that she would crack anytime. The stress was sure to catch up any time and I couldn't afford to have her break down, alone. The very thought scared me. She couldn't be alone, especially now.

I took her house keys from her and led her inside her apartment. Everything seemed to be the same. I could detect the scent of alcohol near the sink. Discarded glasses and empty wine bottles were on top of the counter. I realized what her days were like and how they were spent and Joe's worse fear seemed to be coming true.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" I asked as I helped her removed her jacket and placed it inside the coat closet.

"I'm not hungry…." She replied, still standing in one spot, unmoving.

"But you haven't had much to eat all day," I responded without even thinking and her head whipped to my direction and studied my face without saying a word. As if my words took her out of her trance, she moved to the kitchen and retrieved a clean wine glass from the cabinet and poured herself a hefty one. Without meeting my gaze, she downed the contents of the glass entirely.

What a pitiful sight to see. I moved to her side and tried to take the bottle from her hands but she yanked it away from me. "No Edward, this is how I deal." She cried out.

"Bella, you and I both know that this will only make matters worse." I removed the tone of panic in my voice but I felt it deep down. What else could I do?

"Just let me be Edward, leave me be." She muttered as she poured another glassful for herself. I watched her helplessly before I turned on my heels to leave.

"No, please don't go. I didn't mean it that way." Her voice cracked and tears started rolling down on her face.

I nodded without uttering a word. Even simple words eluded me. Bella's need for silence haunted me as I sat next to her on the sofa. Her sobbing continued and she started shivering. I took the liberty of starting her fireplace. Once the wood started crackling, I took a blanket from her room and wrapped it around her. I sat on the lounger this time and watched her silently. Her eyes were focused on the dancing fire, completely still and quiet. She was thinking of Joe…..

After several hours, she fell asleep and I carried her to her bedroom. Her little body was feathery almost and I was certain that she lost a lot of weight. I lifted the covers with one hand and gently lay her down and covered her. She stirred but did not awaken. I was relieved that she finally got the chance to rest her weary mind and body. I turned the lights off and walked out her room without making a slight bit of noise.

I sat next to the fireplace and thought about Bella…

* * *

"Joe was a man nobody can replace….at least not in my heart. We've been married for five years. Yes, those five years were all happy. What we had was a perfect marriage as people say…Joe and I were perfect for each other. It was a fairytale for us and we are lucky when we found each other. Joe lived his life the best way he could. He never had enemies nor did her step on anyone. Joe was well loved and I guess seeing everyone here right now, having a big crowd here at his funeral only proves that indeed Joe was and is well loved. How could he not be? He was such a kind soul. The type of person you can't get enough of. Well, at least I think of him that way. I married him, didn't I? If I could live all over again and would go back to the time when Joe asked me to marry him, even for a million times all over I would still say yes! Marrying him was the best decision I ever made in my life and I would not change that even if I have the chance to do so. That is how much I love my husband. That's how much I will keep on loving him.

Joe is in heaven no. He's with his parents and other friends. He is no longer in pain. I'm sure he is happy there because in heaven there is peace. Joe was a fighter. He fought cancer hard for himself and for me. We almost won. We almost did!"

Bella broke down several times during her eulogy and I ached to run to her side to comfort her but I had to restrained myself. There were no dry eyes inside the church.

"Joe, I know we will see each other again. I will feel your warm embrace again and our souls will unite for an eternity together. Joe…Joe, you will always be remembered and you will always live in our hearts for as long as we live. I love you so much honey. I am missing you already."

Bella's heartfelt tribute to Joe was unrehearsed. It was heartbreaking to say, at the very least. I stood there dumbfounded, unable to move from my spot when I heard the preacher call out my name. "Mr. Cullen, Mrs. Davis had asked that you read the poem that she wrote for Joe. You were one of the people he considered a friend and Mrs. Davis thought it would be fitting that you give this one last tribute for her beloved.

It took me a considerable minute before I collected myself and walked to the podium where a piece of paper with Bella's handwriting awaited me. I looked at the throng of mourners around me before I settled my eyes on Bella.

_Why is there sadness?_

_Can we trudge without; existing without it?_

_The slump of the shoulders is tiring._

_The lump in the throat hurts._

_The ache in our weary soul wears us down._

_Rip apart the damning pain._

_A life lost...such everlasting agony..._

_How miserable to be left behind..._

_We often wonder, yet the whys in life go unanswered._

_We rarely ask the questions aloud,_

_Embarrassed by the display of weakness;_

_Afraid to be deemed helpless_

_Nevertheless tears fall for heart's loss._

_We weep for the departed when we should be weeping for ourselves..._

_Our journey continues into the unknown stray beyond the concept of death._

_Fear it not._

_The questions lie within our heart,_

_Acceptance and letting go is within our grasp._

_Hang on for much longer,_

_Escape the throbbing temples._

_Clear the mind..._

_Hopefully, the new day will reduce the sadness_

_To a dull ache._

As I stepped off the podium in a dazed, a song that played in the background while pictures of Bella and Joe started flashing in a large screen that was erected for that purpose. It was Joe's one last wish, which I learned from Bella. Joe wanted their wedding song to be played during his funeral.

**** Time to check the chapter playlist on my profile****

_I love you, the love of my life  
I need you, our love is right  
I've found the one that my soul loves  
No other love means so much_

_I prayed to my God for a heart to keep  
He gave me the one, He knew my needs  
Over and over this love is sweet  
I recognize the joy that makes our love complete  
God gave you to me_

_You're the one I prayed for long ago  
Fearless trust I never thought I'd know  
I've found the answer to my dreams  
My eyes were opened to love's mystery_

_I prayed to my God for a heart to keep  
He gave me the one, He knew my needs  
Over and over this love is sweet  
I recognize the joy that makes our love complete  
God gave you to me_

_The love of my life…_

_I love you, the love of my life  
I need you, our love is right  
I've found the one that my soul loves  
No other heart gives so much  
God gave you to me_

_You're the one I love  
you are the love of my life_

* * *

**A/N:** The poem is my feeble attempt at poetry. I wrote it one day when I heard of a friend's passing and I thought it fits this chapter well so I decided to use it. The eulogy isn't much either. I tried making it easy on myself and went to google for eulogies available online. Man, was I surprised to find out that they sell them online. Of course being my cheap self, I had to write one and not pay.

The chapter was difficult to write... I hope I was able to give it enough justice. Please leave me some of your thoughts on the chapter. Thanks for your continued support of my story.


	13. Chapter 13 For Love is Immortality

Just a quick thanks to my EE, my awesome and lush beta. lol... so sorry if the chapter made you cry. I told you already that your tears inspires me. And a big hug to my awesome pre-readers, Shadow_Kissed and Keye Cullen. Love you ladies to pieces.

Just keep a tissue handy!

Don't forget to check my profile to listen to this chapter's playlist.

* * *

**Chapter 13: For love is Immortality**

******"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." Unknown**

**BPOV:**

_How can one go on with their life when their other half is gone?_ I kept asking myself the same question over and over. I would be lost without my other half, my reason for living. How could I really go on? Why do I have to move on? I have no reason to be here, when everything I have ever known as beautiful, kind, gentle is now gone. All that was left now was misery, loneliness and an everlasting longing and pain. What kind of life would that be? Without my Joe?

Sitting on the first pew with Joe resting in front of me, I willed myself to stop the tears and to listen at the poem I wrote during the first night when I sat alone in our room, feeling for the first time that I no longer had Joe by my side. From that day on, the life as I knew it was over. I was now alone. How much more of this pain could I bear?

I drowned out all the quiet sniffling and throat clearing around me as I watched our picture montage flash on the big screen, just the way Joe wanted it, a celebration of his life and mine. I silently watched the pictures of us together, each time, an ache knifed through my heart- deeper and deeper it went as I gazed brokenheartedly at his face. Increasingly, my trembling body longed for him. Each time I saw his smiling face, his different facial expressions, my longing and anguish multiplied. How could he be gone?

My only solace in this terrible loss was the knowledge that Joe wasn't in pain anymore. My brave Joe struggled with the disease to live for us….for me. I tried to take comfort in knowing that he was finally at peace and free of physical suffering. But what about me? The emptiness he left created a big, gaping hole that wouldn't ever heal or close. I was nothing without him. I didn't know how to live without him, or if I even wanted to.

I watched the pictures through tears, alternately glancing at Joe's body in front of me. Lucy had been holding my hands throughout the whole service. I could feel her grief as she held my hands in hers. I drew strength from her to help me carry on, get through this whole ordeal. Bruce sat on my other side and had been whispering words of comfort and encouragement in my ear. They were heartfelt and comforting. He was a good friend to Joe, but his presence reminded me of my loss- and I hated every minute of it, knowing that seeing Bruce would remind me that Joe had left, forever.

Edward sat quietly next to Lucy. I could feel the weight of his stare- watching my every move. I realized that he and Joe had grown close, like brothers considering the short time they'd known each other. I was grateful for his friendship.

As the last picture graced the screen, another song started in the background as a video of Joe started playing. I felt as though my heart stopped at the sight of him, alive and talking and smiling. Shocking at it was I wanted to rush to the screen to touch his face. He started by saying that he videotaped this part to be added to the montage that he had prepared with Mr. Wright's help.

* * *

******Time to listen to the playlist*****

_Love of my life:_

_I am amazed__  
When I look at you  
I see you smiling back at me  
It's like all my dreams come true__  
I am afraid__  
If i lost you girl  
I'd fall through the cracks__  
And lose me track in this crazy lonely world_

_Sometimes it's so hard to believe__  
When the nights can be so long  
And gave me the strength__  
And kept me holding on_

_Chorus  
You are the love of my life  
And I'm so glad you found me  
You are the love of my life  
Baby put your arms around me  
I guess this is how it feels  
When you finally find something real  
My angel in the night  
You are my love  
The love of my life_

_Now here you are__  
With midnight closing in  
You take my hand as our shadow dance  
With moonlight on your skin_

_I look in your eyes  
I'm lost inside your kiss  
I think if I'd never met you  
About all the things I'd missed_

_Sometimes it's so hard to believe  
when a love can be so strong__  
and faith gave me the strength__  
and kept me holding on_

_You are the love of my life  
And I'm so glad you found me  
You are the love of my life  
Baby put your arms around me  
I guess this is how it feels  
When you finally find something real  
My angel in the night  
You are my love  
The love of my life_

_Bella, this will be my farewell to you. I won't say goodbye because I know in my heart that we will see each other again. I want to tell you again that I have been so lucky to have you in my life- Every second of my time spent with you had been the greatest gift, I couldn't ask for more. My life as short as it may seem has been perfect. And that's all because of you. You have made me the luckiest man to ever walk the earth and I am happy because I was able to be with you even for the short time I had. I will take your love with me wherever I go. Celebrate our love by moving on and being happy with our memories together. Live Bella for me! I love you with all my heart. Keep our memories close to your heart but make new ones for you. I am always holding you right here._

He placed his palm over his heart before the video ended.

As the video drew to a close and the picture of Joe flashed one last time before fading away, I found myself clutching at Lucy's hand with a death grip. Bruce wrapped his arms around me and I didn't fight the tears anymore and buried my face on his broad chest.

Things happened so quickly, one moment I was being whisked away in a limousine surrounded by people that I have grown to appreciate in the few months that I've known them. Sidney, Enrique, Lucy among them. Edward began to run the show. He instructed the limo driver to follow the hearse closely along with many cars that trailed behind us.

Rain was not in the forecast but the clouds began to collect and the skies darkened. Wearily, I glanced up out of my window as another wave of longing enveloped me. It was fitting on days like this that the heavens would weep. We would weep together and mourn the day that Joe would be laid to rest.

Fittingly, the sky broke into an agonized cry as hard cold rain came down upon us before we got to the cemetery. I was dreading every minute of it. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. Another hour and I would be tucked safely away at home where I could unleash my pure misery. I needed to be alone to drown myself to forget.

The rain didn't let up; the downpour held us hostage inside our vehicle for some time. I wasn't ready for it to be over and I welcomed any delay that came our way. I couldn't let go….I just couldn't. Finally, as the skies cried its last tears, Edward gently squeezed my hand and helped me out of the idling vehicle. I followed him amidst my blinding tears. Everything seemed surreal, it was a dream, no a nightmare…. I wish this day didn't happen. Cancer was cruel, death was our enemy! I bit my lips in an effort to keep them from quivering. Edward looked over his shoulder at me as if he read my mind, but said nothing.

A white canopy was set up around the burial site along with a white carpet that led to where the casket would be. A long white rope surrounded the area while white plastic chairs were neatly arranged on three-sides for a good view of the proceedings. A few funeral home crews were feverishly wiping each chair dry as Mr. Wright tended with last minute changes caused by the downpour. People started gathering around as Joe's casket arrived and placed on top of a metal stand. Several flower arrangements were perched in front of the metal stand before Mr. Wright addressed the crowd to take their seats and settle down.

"Mrs. Davis, we are ready to begin. Please take your seat and the Reverend will start in a few minutes," Mr. Wright declared somberly as he led me to one of the white chairs, directly in front of Joe's casket. A sob tore through my lips as I gazed at the now closed casket. It wasn't over yet, it couldn't be. Lucy sat on my right and held my gloved hand tightly. Bruce took the seat on my left and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. The warmth helped a little but I still felt cold and alone. Edward, Sidney and Enrique stood behind our chairs quietly.

As Joe had requested, all mourners, or guests as he called it, had to wear white. No one but him would wear black. I didn't care about the way I looked and threw on one of the white dresses Joe had purchased for me during one of our trips. I paired it with white pumps, white gloves and pearls. If it hadn't been for Lucy's insistence, I would have been contented with my unmade face. But she insisted on fixing me up and I let her apply a little blusher and lip gloss as well as fixing my hair in an elegant chignon.

Seas of white bathe my eyes as I looked around the people surrounding Joe's final resting place. I saw the love in their faces; the people who at one point had made an impact in our lives. Joe was truly loved and would be missed by many.

"By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

The next few words blurred in my ears as I felt my head started spinning uncontrollably. I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder as a bottle of water appeared in front of me and after a few gulps, a feeling of little relief came and I was able to last through the last part of the burial rites.

"Open it, open it," I heard myself cried hysterically. I had to see him one last time. I had to as I ran forward to Joe's casket. Mr. Wright wrestled with the idea but signaled his crew to open the casket lid for me. Lucy had her arms around my waist and I leaned on her for support. Loud cries echoed in my head but my own cries drowned out everything around me. As soon as I looked down at Joe's face with a glass separating us, my anguish finally took over. I heard my wail as I pounded on the glass, begging him to come back to me.

"It can't be over honey! I don't know what to do without you! Joe…. please Joe….I can't live without you." That was the last thing I recalled saying before a sea of black wrapped itself protectively around me. Blanketing me….delivering me out of my misery.

* * *

"You think she'll be okay?" Lucy's voice was the first thing I heard when I came around. Disoriented, I tried to push myself up feebly.

"Where am I? Where is Joe?" I cried as my eyes finally settled on the faces of people that surrounded me.

"Bella, you passed out." Lucy said in a grief ridden tone, her eyes red from crying.

"Joe….." I whispered. "I miss Joe."

"Bella, we laid him to rest. He is at peace now and so should you be." Bruce voice answered my question. I raised my eyes in his direction where he was standing next to Edward. They both looked at me with equal desperation and sadness in their eyes they couldn't hide any longer.

"No, I didn't get to say goodbye," my heart tore wretchedly as I gasped for breath.

"Bella, you said goodbye…." Lucy whispered in my ears.

"No….no….I wasn't ready to let go yet….Lucy….I wasn't ready….Joe….."

Loving arms wrapped around me as I buried my face in against her chest as she whispered calming words to me.

"Lucy, I think you should stay with Bella tonight," Edward finally said.

"I will stay here with her tonight," She said as I heard footsteps moving towards the door before silence completely surrounded us. All I could hear was her beating heart and the awful sound of my uncontrollable sobs.

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**A/N: **This is where you can tell me if the tissue(s) were necessary. So what do you guys think? A long and grueling road ahead for Bella awaits. What can Edward do for her? Would she let him in? I really will appreciate hearing from all my quiet readers...thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14 This Guys in Love with You

Let me start by introducing you to the cast of Midnight Blue. I finally found the face for Sidney and Lucy. I also mentioned that Emmett will be auditioning to be a member of the musicians on the club. Too see how I pictured them in my head, please visit my profile page and the banner is waiting for you there. This chapter is a little lighter than the previous chapters, I thought we all need a little break from the tears and sadness.

Thanks for EE for getting my chapters back sooner that I actually need them. I guess she has an idea that I will-stalk her ass on YM if she doesn't get the chapter in my inbox ASAP. lol... Thanks to SK and Keye for pre-reading... I have the best gals surrounding me.

Also, thanks to all who read this story! You guys are awesome and I am always appreciative of the time you take to read and comment here.

Hugs all around!

Ah, before I forget...I need a very big favor from all of you reading this story- I joined the Romance Series Original Story contest at The Writers Coffee Shop and I need your votes. The titl of the story is **Shaletan Code** and it's a collaboration with my best gal, Shadow_Kissed. Here's the link where you can vote, or if you don't have an account yet, you can start one. www(.)thewriterscoffeeshop(.)com/library/index(.)php. Remove the parenthesis surrounding the (dot). Once you are in, click on the HOME tab on the upper left hand of your screen and it will take you to a page where you'll find the poll when you scroll down a little bit. It should be on the left side. Thanks. I'm counting on you guys to vote for the story. Thanks in advance.

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**Chapter 14: This Guys in Love with You**

**EPOV:**

A total feeling of helplessness washed over me as soon as we all left Bella's apartment. I hoped I could be around her all the time but I didn't want to smother her with attention nor crowd her with my presence considering that the wounds she was nursing were still fresh. I briefly said goodbye to Bruce and promised him that I would keep an eye out for Bella, and we would be in contact with each other if anything came up. Sidney and I decided to walk the rest of the way back to the club. We walked in silence under the cold December night. The sound of the holiday cheer buzzing from the shops and the people milling around just added to my misery.

I felt for Bella, this being a trying time for her, a first holiday without Joe. And to think that it was so close to Christmas. I wished I could do something for her. Sidney briefly glanced in my direction but said nothing; he had his hands inside his slack pockets and just shrugged his shoulders. He knew better, words were not necessary at all. We walked briskly and made it back to the club in time for Sidney to attend to his bartending task.

We both head to the bar and he knew from experience what I needed. "Here you go boss, take it easy yah hear?" He handed me a bottle of my favorite scotch and a glass. We bumped fists before I headed up into my loft. My sanctuary, the only place where I could drown my troubles away in secrecy and in silence.

* * *

A buzzing sound on my cell phone got me scrambling out of the shower so fast that water trickled down my legs despite the towel I wrapped around my waist. I had been thinking of Bella and hoped that the incoming text was hers. I felt my shoulders sagged when I checked my cell phone and the incoming wasn't from Bella. I pressed the button to read the entire message from Sidney.

_**Boss, Emmett's here for his audition. S**_

_**I'll be down in a few minutes…..give him the notes to read. E**_

_**Okidoki. S**_

I changed in a relative hurry, not wanting to keep the new guy waiting. The trouble of not being able to sleep was to endure the long and monotonous days and nights. I shook the feeling of dread and tried to put my game face on. Tonight would be a busy day for our club being a Friday, a deluge of working professionals and tourists alike seemed to find their way straight to Midnight Blue, either to unwind or to entertain.

I made my way down on the narrow staircase that separated my loft from the club. I stopped long enough to check out all stations and everything seemed to be running smoothly. Tables and booths were all ready, chairs were all arranged and the floors mopped and ready for another night of beating. Sidney had been a tremendous asset for the club as well as a great friend. I was lucky enough to get Sidney to agree to a bartending gig here as I knew that he got offers left and right from other competitors. I walked over to the direction of the bar as Sidney chuckled loudly, reading my mind already. He took a bottle and poured me big portion of Lagavulin.

"Thanks Sid," I took the glass and took a quick swig before making my way to the stage where a gentleman dressed in a black shirt and matching black denim was sitting by my piano, tuning his saxophone. He acknowledged my presence by tipping his head. To say that he was of massive built was an understatement. He wasn't overweight, just burly and muscular. His dark hair and dimpled face reminded me of a friend I had back in the days. His easy going smile was friendly and warm, his demeanor calm, but as I got enough time to read his thoughts. I started grinning to myself. In spite of the tough exterior, he was nervous inside.

_Man, why am I nervous? I've done this whole audition before. For Pete sake's calm down… calm down…_

"You must be Emmett, you come highly recommended by Sidney." I motioned towards the bar while Sidney gave us both a salute. I extended my hand out and was firmly grasped by a big hand that almost covered my own.

"Yes sir, and you are Mr. Cullen?" he smiled, his voice was softer than what I expected from a large fellow.

"Please call me Edward."

"People around here call him _boss_!" Sidney hollered all the way from the bar and Emmett's smile got bigger. I could still see that he was still somewhat nervous.

"So, have you checked out our repertoire?" It's mostly Jazz music that we play here." I motioned to the piano on stage. "Mostly piano pieces but I have wanted to expand our music selection to include other instruments. So you are mainly a saxophone player?" I asked conversationally, hoping to get Emmett to relax and ease up a bit.

"Yes, saxophone mainly but I've dabbled with the trumpet and guitar too." He stated plainly and I could sense that he wasn't showing off, merely stating a fact and I liked him for it.

"Why don't we get started then?" I sat on the piano bench and watched Emmett pulled out a music sheet from a backpack.

"I have a piece that showcase the sax and trumpet together. All I need is for someone to sing the lyrics and provide the background melody…. Sidney mentioned that you sing also." Emmett looked at me inquiringly.

I found myself hesitating. I was hoping that my singing days were over. It brought forth sad memories…the part where I started singing because of Bella. I wished I could bury the memories along with the pain.

"Sure….what piece do you have in mind?"

"_This guy's in love with you_… here's the music sheet." Emmett walked over to hand me the music sheet and I stared at it for a second, feeling like I swallowed my tongue.

_This is going to be tough. _ I wondered if Emmett could read my mind; of all the pieces out there, why would he pick this particular piece?

"Okay…" I took the paper without even glancing at it. Suddenly feeling weary, I placed the music sheet on the sheet holder and adjusted myself on the bench. I took one deep breath before I started the playing. As the melody began filling the air, I found myself lost within the music, not mindful of my surroundings anymore. Emmett alternately played the saxophone and trumpet with skill and grace.

**-Time to get the playlist working for you- link is on my profile page-**

_You see this guy, this guy's in love with you__  
__Yes I'm in love who looks at you the way I do__  
__When you smile I can tell it know each other very well_

_How can I show you I'm glad I got to know you 'cause__  
__I've heard some talk they say you think I'm fine__  
__This guy's in love and what I'd do to make you mine__  
__Tell me now is it so don't let me be the last to know_

_My hands are shakin' don't let my heart keep breaking 'cause__  
__I need your love, I want your love__  
__Say you're in love and you'll be my guy, if not I'll just die_

_Tell me now is it so don't let me be the last to know__  
__My hands are shakin' don't let my heart keep breaking 'cause__  
__I need your love, I want your love__  
__Say you're in love and you'll be my girl, if not I'll just die_

Emmett was superb on the saxophone and the trumpet. His rendition was uniquely his, straying away from the original but not taking anything away from the piece itself. As the last of the note faded away, I found myself liking the guy. He would be a great addition to the family here in Midnight Blue. I closed my eyes as I imagined Bella, what could she be doing now? All alone and grieving.

"Edward?" Emmett's voice roused me from my silent reverie.

I looked around and noticed some of my employees were intently watching me. Again. This had been a common occurrence for me lately and I better put a lid on it before they start questioning my well-being. I shook my head a few times, getting rid of the melancholy that descended upon me.

"Would you like me to play another piece?" Emmett seemed to have relaxed a little. Music indeed could unite people, bring the best out of them and put their inhibitions away. It is a language on its own. Distinctive and special.

"Emmett, if you would like to work with us here, then the job is yours." I shook his hand briefly and patted him in the back. "Our club can sure use another talented musician such as yourself."

With the last words I said, I swore he would've blushed if he could. Instead, a big smile spread across his face. "When do I start?"

"You can start tonight if you're up to it." I smiled contentedly; between Sidney, Emmett and Enrique I think the club would be okay without me once in a while.

"Thank you sir," Emmett pumped his fist in the air as Sidney let out a loud woot from the bar. I couldn't help but smile at the carefree attitude that we had in the club. These were good people that I have the lucky fortune of meeting.

"Hey boss!" I heard Lucy called from across the room. She had on her tight black tank with Midnight Blue emblazoned in neon ink across the chest and paired with a black jeans and heels. She was ready for another night's work.

I waved at her to come over and noticed that Emmett's mouth was hanging open as he watched Lucy sauntered towards us. _Oh man, isn't she a sight to behold,_ I heard him sigh to himself quietly.

"Hey Lucy, how's it going?" I asked the moment Lucy reached the stage. She gave Emmett a confident smile while Emmett stood staring at her, motionless.

"It's going boss, how about you?" She responded breezily. Her quick wit and dazzling personality had endeared her to a lot of regular patrons.

"Could be better… Oh by the way, Lucy I want you to meet Emmett, he is our new sax player and tonight will be his first performance."

At that point, Emmett finally closed his mouth with snap, audible to my ears only. I couldn't help but chuckle at the comical sight.

"Hi Emmett, welcome to the _Blue_." Lucy smiled her brightest, and I could see Emmett literally melting on the spot.

"Emmett?" I prodded a little bit as he was still staring at Lucy like she was a something to eat.

"Oh… umm…Hi Lucy," Emmett finally said after he found his voice but the goofy grin was still evident in his face. "It's a pleasure to meet you," Emmett added as I quietly left the stage to get myself another glass of scotch.

"Thanks for giving Emmett the job, boss." I heard Sidney say as I took my seat across the bar from him. The glasses were all in place, polished and shined, ready for business.

"No need to thank me Sid, he is a talented artist. Thanks for introducing us. I am positive that he'll be a great asset to the club. The customers will love him." I downed the drink and got up rather quickly. I had to check on Bella. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away for long.

"Are you opening for us tonight?" Sidney asked.

"No, have Enrique handle the first set and have him introduce Emmett to the crowd. He should be okay…let him take the last set tonight." My instructions, I was sure, would be followed to the letter.

Sidney nodded as he watched me walked away. I went out through the back door after I grabbed my leather jacket and helmet from the coat closet and decided to take my motorcycle instead of walking. Strong winds greeted me as soon as I got to the parking lot. My bike was sitting on the far end of our lot. I had to rev the engine several times before it started. It had been ages since I last drove my bike.

I weaved through traffic with ease and snaking in between cars, made my way to Bella's apartment in no time. After securing my motorcycle and my helmet, I walked up the front door and buzzed her apartment. After waiting for several minutes and five buzzes later, Bella still hadn't answer the door. I tuned in on the mind chatter around me, trying to find Bella's among them but hers didn't come up.

I looked around my immediate surroundings to check if anyone was paying attention to me but all was quiet. I decided to go around the side of the building and jumped over the brick wall into the apartment complex. There was no sign of people around so I made my way through the back door, taking the laundry door to gain access to the inside of the apartment complex.

I took the back entry to the rooftop and decided to scale the walls to get to her window. I was feeling a little guilty for snooping this way but I had to know if she was alright. I had a nagging suspicion that she may be passed out due to her alcohol consumption. The scaling part was not difficult at all but I had to take precaution that no one would catch me so I took my time, making sure that nobody, none of her neighbors were looking outside their windows.

When I got to Bella's apartment, I took the fire stairs to get myself closer to the main window, the large window that would give me an idea of what's going on inside. The lights were off and no one was home. I didn't sense Bella at all. Where could she be?

I flicked my cell phone on and rapidly sent a text to Bella, hoping she would respond right away.

_**Bella, where are you? I dropped by your place tonight. E**_

I was on my bike and was getting ready to leave when she finally responded. I eagerly pulled my cell phone from my jacket pocket to read the incoming text.

_**I am out of town, had to get away. B**_

_**Do you want any company? E**_My text was already done just a second after I read hers.

No answer came that evening as I waited and waited. I kept looking at my cell phone to check if any messages came in but no response came. I spent the better part of the night waiting…..

I could see it now, this might be a glimpse on how the rest of my existence would be, waiting.

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**A/N:** No cliffie this time! Aren't you guys proud of me? lol. So what do you think of Emmett? Just the right guy for the Blue right? Watch out! He has the hots for Lucy!

Now Bella, where do you think she went?

Please leave me some love...thanks again!

Don't forget to vote! I'm counting on your help!


	15. Chapter 15 Wanting and Waiting

It seems like I came down with O/S fever, where all I could think of is to to write and join one-shot contests. I think the worst is over so here I am, back to the swing of things. Thanks to EE, my lovely beta, for being very patient with me when I hound her endlessly. Also, thanks to SK and Keye for diligently giving me feedbacks on every chapter I'm sending their way.

Looking for extra reads? Why don't you head over to my profile page and sample my newer O/S: Every Time We Touch, Light in the Wilderness, See Me and Curse in the Darkness- a collab with SK. Thanks.

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**Chapter 15: Wanting and Waiting**

**BPOV:**

A mixture of foreboding, longing and deep sadness came crashing over me as soon as I stepped out of the rental car as I faced the cabin at the Hamptons. This was the last place where I had good memories of Joe smiling…and alive. I clutched at the locket that Joe gave me and tried to draw strength from it.

With trepidation, I mustered enough energy to make myself enter the house that was once witness to our love to our lasting devotion for each other. There was no other place I would rather be…away from it all, away from everyone's watchful eyes and patronizing manners. I needed to get away from all of the aspects of my life that makes me feel that I have to move on and continue living without Joe.

Bruce was gracious enough to lend me the cabin without asking too many questions. I could feel the slight hesitation at first. I knew that he wanted the best for me and at the present time, this was the only thing I wanted to do, and where I wanted to be.

The effort to push myself past the threshold of the house was the toughest thing to do. I was easily overwhelmed by the memories of our last night together the moment I walked in the house. It could very well be my imagination, a product of my wishful thinking and my fevered desire to surround myself with all things related to Joe that made me think that I was breathing his scent at that moment. I needed to take it; for fear that I might forget. I didn't want him to be just a memory. I wanted him, with all my heart, to still be a part of my present. How could he not be?

I strode past the door to look around and basked in the thoughts of our last day together. It all came to me without delay. How Joe held my hand during our walk on the beach. How his little touches, his fingers reading my expressions would bring a smile to his face. The last meal he cooked for us, the toasts and the locket. Each single memory brought tears to my eyes. I was a glutton for punishment and pain, for wanting to be. Yet, I didn't have elsewhere I would rather be.

Advancing slowly inside the drafty room, I gathered some firewood from the bin and loaded them into the fireplace and lit it up for warmth. I waited until it was warm enough before I sat on the nearest sofa. Tucking my legs underneath me, I drew the blanket around me. All I could think of was Joe. He was the sun in my life and the warmth that my body craved for. No one else could compare. Why do I have to be left alone? Why couldn't the divinity that designed our life include me in the plan, wherever Joe went, I would too. That would have been my perfect life.

I sat in the quiet room for a long time, the crackling of the firewood continued as each wood turned to ash. Each embers glow went out one by one until it total darkness came. I couldn't make myself leave the room where I last shared the night with Joe. What else could I do with myself?

Getting through each day was as tough as I thought it would be. The preceding day had proven easier than the following one. Each day dragged on for me. Like an endless maze of hopeless despairing, unanswered questions and loneliness. My only respite had been either a bottle of wine or whatever I could lay my hands on.

I found refuge in the dulling effect that it gave me. Each drop and every sip brought forth the numbness that I sought.

**EPOV:**

If dying was a part of a vampire's life; I could feel that life was slowly being sucked out from me while I waited for Bella's response that never came. I wanted to be with Bella more than anything, I wanted to show her that there were people who cared for her, people that shared her pain. I understood Bella's need for quiet and peace, for solitude so she could sort things out and gather herself together. But each day that passed gnawed at me like a disease clamoring to end my misery.

Destiny had ruled me out of Bella's life. I was almost sure of it. I didn't dare think of how I could continue my existence now that I've met her, now that I found the only woman who made me feel what love was all about. It all came back to me, the gut wrenching pain that I felt when Bella mentioned the words of her undying devotion to Joe_. 'If I could live all over again and would go back to the time when Joe asked me to marry him, even for a million times all over I would still say yes! Marrying him was the best decision I ever made in my life and I would not change that even if I have the chance to do so. That is how much I love my husband. That's how much I will keep on loving him.'_

I replayed the words over and over. Each time, a terrible ache knifed through me. How could I compete or ever measure up to man as great as Joe? No matter what I told myself, that I could wait this out…live my existence through this, the intense pain seemed to multiply, wreaking havoc within me.

Not being able to see Bella seemed to extinguish the flame within me. It felt like I was dying a slow and agonizing death. I needed to see her but her request was to be left alone. She wanted to sort things out. Heal her grief it was even possible.

Weeks had passed and still no sign of Bella. I have no idea how long I could keep myself away. Just to see her would be enough. I would take any morsel of Bella any time in this crazy and lonely world.

A soft rapping on my door sounded. This was a frequent occurrence lately; Lucy would knock on my door to check up on me. I knew she somehow felt that I was as affected with Joe's death just like the rest of them. What she did not realize was the way I felt about Bella, although, there were moments when her own mind would drift to that idea but she quickly dispelled it. Thinking how crazy it was that I would be after Bella with Joe still in the picture.

"Come in Lucy, the door is open." I hollered from my desk where I had been spending my time lately. Reading had provided me with the escape from reality that I needed but most times, I found myself staring at the jumbled letters, not really reading. My mind often drifted to Bella.

"Hey boss," she poked her head on the door before letting herself in. Somehow, Lucy felt like the sister I never had. She was friendly, almost sickeningly sweet and loyal. She had been working for me for the past year and all I hear from the regulars was how friendly and accommodating she was. "Are you ready? The place is packed! I guess your segment with Emmett every night has drawn enough attention and I hear from newcomers that news was spreading around that our gig right here is the bomb!" Lucy exclaimed as she lingered around my stereo system. She fingered the expensive console in obvious awe.

"That's great Lucy. I knew Emmett will be an invaluable addition to our team here." I smiled when I said this which didn't go unnoticed. "I am ready." I put down the book I was pretending to read when she came in.

We walked down the narrow staircase in comfortable silence. I could hear Enrique's rendition of _Duke Ellington's Just Squeeze Me _serenading the club down below. Another talented artist, Enrique hit every cadence, each note with precision. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves when we finally made it to the club scene.

"See yah around boss," Lucy said before sauntering away to her post.

"Sure thing." I called out to her.

Looking around to find a room filled with people, Lucy was right when she said that the club was packed. I stayed close to the back of the stage to do some last minute check on the lighting and music equipment. I saw Emmett sitting on a chair polishing his saxophone. He tipped his head in my direction before I sauntered to the bar for my daily intake of Lagavulin. Sidney was in deep conversation with a bar patron about the stock market movement but excused himself when he saw me coming.

"Clear!" He shouted and everyone else picked up their drinks on the bar table before Sidney slid the bottle of scotch across the bar to my direction. It had been a habit of Sidney to do so and it earned him a loud applause from everyone who had been watching. I caught the bottle with one hand, shaking my head at him.

"Hiya boss! What's up with you? Any news yet?" Sidney knew what question to ask. Although he couldn't read minds, he seemed to be adept with sensing my emotions. Amazing gift I must admit.

"No, no news yet." I sighed as I emptied the glass in one quick swig. "Nothing yet," I repeated myself. I knew I looked and sound pathetic, but what could I do? I was hopelessly aching for Bella.

"Aren't you going out to check if she's okay?" Sidney asked as he parked himself in front of me, across the bar while efficiently wiping the counter with a rag.

"I want to Sid, but I want her to have her space. I feel that I would be crowding her if I don't stop bugging her. There's really nothing else I would rather do than to see her." I replied in an earnest tone. It felt good to be able to have someone who I could talk to, especially another vampire who knew that my intense feelings were difficult to reign in.

"Um, can you call her instead of texting? She probably needs someone to talk to instead of exchanging texts." Sidney's seemed to have a point. Maybe I would do just that. There was no harm in trying; I had nothing to lose.

"Maybe you're right. I'll call her after I am done with my set." With renewed spirit, I felt a little glimmer of hope. Hearing Bella's voice and knowing that she was okay would be good enough for me.

"Thank you everyone… the next set will be coming up in 15 minutes. Have a great night and don't forget to tell your friends that Midnight Blue is open seven days a week for your Jazz music craving." Enrique addressed the crowd before stepping down from the stage which markedly ended his set. He headed in our direction with a confident and satisfied look in his face.

"Hey boss, glad to see you working tonight," Enrique said as soon as he reached the bar. Sidney immediately handed him a glass of cognac, his own personal favorite.

"Thanks Enrique. That was a great session by the way. I especially liked your _Duke_ piano interpretation. You totally nailed that one." I nodded with enthusiasm. Beneath Enrique's tough exterior, being born and bred in Bronx, he was a solid pianist and a talented one too.

"Thanks boss. I found that piece just last night and I purchased the music sheet right away. I am relieved that it came out alright." Enrique was the type of person who didn't say much unless it was about music. He lived and breathed music, just like every single one of us at Midnight Blue.

"I suggest that you keep playing that type of piano pieces. It suits your talent so well."

"I will boss, in fact, I will research for new repertoire for myself. I am getting bored of playing the same piece every night. I think our customers would appreciate that." Yeah definitely more answers coming from him whenever music is the central topic of the conversation.

The jazz music playing overhead was almost drawing to the end and that meant my stint was coming up. Hastily downing the content of my refilled glass, I poured myself another one and walked up the stage with one thing in mind, to drown my anxiety away. I had to get Bella off my mind. Somehow, I knew that the effort will prove futile.

A round of boisterous applause sounded as soon as I took my seat on the piano bench. I turned the microphone on as Emmett took his seat on a stool close to the piano, a big grin in his face. This was something he enjoyed doing with me.

"Folks, I am glad to see that you are all having a good time. I will take this moment to introduce Emmett McCarthy, our newest sensation here at Midnight Blue. Emmett will be playing here five days a week, on and off with me. Please sit back and relax and let us take you to the depths of music heaven. Emmett will be taking some music requests after our set together. The first song that we will play tonight is called _Know you by Heart_." I turned off the microphone as the lights dimmed and two spotlights remained on featuring Emmett and me.

**x-x-x-x-x-x- Time to listen to the playlist- head on over to my profile page and give it a go x-x-x-x-x-x-**

Long after my gig was over. I lingered around the bar, speaking and entertaining the bar regulars and making sure that everything was running smoothly. Drinks were flowing endlessly while mindless chatter droned on and on. It was a busy night if I may say so. Emmett was playing non-stop, to the delight of the audience. Each piece he played mesmerized all of us, he had this way with the saxophone, each variation of note captivated every single one of us. Emmett easily nailed each piece as if he composed them himself.

"I am now ready to take your requests." Emmett slid his hand inside the jar that we have for music requests. "The first one is from Chris Stanton, show me where you are Chris." Emmett squinted as he looked around the room for the gentleman who raised his hand. "He wants me to play _Going Home by Kenny G_. Good choice man, this is for you." Emmett saluted a gentleman on the far side of the room before sitting down on the stool. He adjusted the mouthpiece on his instrument before he started the playing.

I started to relax upon realizing that Emmett's nervousness does not usually affect his ability to perform. The crowd was quiet, obviously immersed in the melody and captivated with Emmett's stage presence. Half an hour later, Emmett came striding at the bar and sat next to me.

"Anything to drink my friend?" Sidney asked.

"Nah, I don't really have a taste for alcohol. Thanks anyway." He grinned before he turned his attention to me. "Do you have any suggestions for me boss?

"I have nothing man," I extended my fist to him which he bumped with his in return. "Your line-up is great and the crowd is digging you. Everything's looking good Emmett."

He seemed to have relaxed a bit after I said that. I worry about Emmett in the few times that I've been around him, as good as he was. He seemed to have very little confidence in himself. I intend to change that if I can. We hung out at the bar until Enrique's next set came up. Emmett spent so much time craning his neck while trying to follow Lucy around with his eyes.

Sidney and I just chuckled at each other as we watched him ogle Lucy for the last 15 minutes. Sidney finally slapped him in the back. "Hey Em, if you are interested, all you have to do is ask." Sidney smirked at his friend who just grinned sheepishly at him.

"Nah, she wouldn't have any reason to want to go out with me." He basically muttered to himself but he knew that we heard him.

"And why is that?" Sidney inquired challengingly.

"Well, for starters, being who we are…what could possibly come out of it?" He sounded almost desperate and I felt for the guy. He and I, the same boat, except I was drowning and he still had to jump.

"Where have you been dude? This is the 21st century, we walk the walk now and we talk the talk. So don't let anything stop you now. Besides, Lucy is a great dame, don't want to lose her to some punk ass out there." Sidney chided and I had to laugh at his easy going manner.

"I don't know man, it feels funny." Emmett said as he snuck in another look in Lucy's direction.

"It's your call but I'm telling you, we have some regulars here who are dying to get into Lucy's good graces." Sidney taunted before he walked away to get a drink order.

Emmett and I sat at the bar in a companionable silence. Nothing had to be said. He was wrapped up in his thought about Lucy. The vampire was apparently smitten over Lucy. I chose to dwell in my own thoughts about Bella.

It had been the longest two weeks of my life. I have lived to be this long and nothing had fazed me, she had taken me out of my element, the cocoon that I have built around me all these god forsaken years of my existence. I've always thought I was above the emotions that involved the heart or the soul, being what I was. Boy, this was more than what I would ever bargain for. My deep longing to see Bella had ravaged inside me and I was losing the battle. I needed to see her even if she didn't know. I just had to, if I intend to keep my sanity.

"Sid, man the club…I have to go…." I slipped out of my chair after patting Emmett in the back. I slipped out of the front door and was instantly slapped with the gust of wind coming from the north. This was a colder than normal temperature, even by New York City standards. I headed towards the direction of Bella's apartment. Forgoing any other means of transportation, true to its image as the city that never sleeps, people were still milling by, considering the time.

One quick peek at Bella would give me a peace of mind. After a short 10 minute walk, I finally made it to Bella's neighborhood. Not too many thoughts assaulted me, being in this unholy hour. I tried to see if I could separate Bella's thoughts from the others but I couldn't find hers. No one answered the door even the doorbell. I have a bad feeling about her being gone this long. I could feel her close by, could she just be sleeping? I had to see for myself even though everything fiber in my being was screaming stalker. I had to listen to my inner voice to check on her. With impatience growing inside me by the minute, I decided to scale the wall outside her window.

Nothing out of the ordinary except no one was home. The bad feeling persisted, where could she be if I could feel her? Where else would she rather be? If I was to put myself in her shoes, what was the one place I would go if I needed solace?

I ran as fast as my fast as my feet could take me. Not caring who would witness my unbelievable speed. I was a man on a mission. I had to see her now… I just had to make sure that she was alright. I just had to see her.

I reached the Montefiore Cemetery in record time. My instinct knew where to find her now. I recognized her scent even from a mile away. I didn't stop running until I got to where she was. I heard her voice, her agonized cry…her grief and her longing for Joe.

I stopped to see Bella slumped in front of Joe's gravestone. He face buried on the wet grass, her hair splayed all over. It was a sorry sight to see. In the darkness of the night, no one would even know that she was there. I ached so badly at the sight of Bella, almost lifeless as she continuously cried for Joe. I walked slowly towards her direction, taking careful steps so as not to startle her.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked as softly as I could.

"Huh?" Bella seemed to have been roused from a deep trance as she looked in my direction. I was close enough to her but didn't want to threaten her in any way by my presence.

"It's Edward Bella."

"Edward….how did you find me?" Her voice quivered and I rushed next to her.

"You are not hard to find Bella." I gently touched her back to give her a little assurance and I was surprise to find her jacket drenched. I couldn't stop myself when I felt how cold her body was, judging from the soaked material of her wool coat.

She looked up at me with imploring eyes. I knew what she wanted. I knew what her heart desired and what her soul was longing for. I did the only thing I knew I should do. I removed my jacket and wrapped it around her before I scooped her up and cradled her against my chest.

"I am taking you home Bella." I said softly, ignoring her flailing arms, begging for me to put her back down.

"But Joe…..I have to be with him." She cried miserably and my dead heart ached for her. I knew how it felt. To love someone, who wasn't there.

"I will take you home and get you to bed." I whispered to her.

**A/N: **Now, I can proudly say that I successfully avoided throwing a cliffie ending this time. LOL...So what do you think will happen next? Will Bella let Edward in? I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Thanks all!


	16. Chapter 16 Bella's Touch

Hey all! Here's the next installment. I can't make promises on how heavy the angst will be but let's hope for better days right?

Thanks for EE, SK and Keye! You guys are awesome!

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**Chapter 16: Bella's Touch**

**EPOV:**

I clutched Bella closer to my chest, next to the cold and hollow space inside me that used to be my beating heart. I could feel my whole being energized by her scent, her warmth and the mere fact that this was the woman who I would give anything for, the only one I've ever loved. Staggering thoughts hit me; this might be the only time and my only chance to hold her.

I savored her closeness and the feeling elicited by the softness of her skin before I placed her inside the taxi cab that took us on a quiet ride back to her apartment. I've always known that when it came to Bella I was a glutton for pain. Anyone else would have turned tail and run, knowing that the chances of getting Bella to love again was close to impossible, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I would rather suffer the consequences if it meant seeing her.

I was a fool and I knew it. Nothing…nothing could make me walk away from it all. I would stay for as long as she allowed me to. After paying the cab driver, I gently lifted Bella, who, I could see had no energy to wave me off so she could walk on her own. Her silent sobbing was the only thing I could hear apart from the rapid beating of her heart.

We got to her apartment and I knew from the minute I opened the door that the place was in shambles. Empty wine and alcohol bottles could be spotted everywhere. Bella had been quietly and sadly, drinking herself to death. I could feel the ache in my dead heart for her. If I could only do something, anything for her, I wouldn't even waste breath thinking about it.

"Bella?" I asked while I took her straight to her bedroom. I nudged the door open with my foot and walked inside. "You need to get out of your wet clothes. I will step outside while you change and I will find something for you to eat." I set her on her feet and she shakily stood just looking at me, her eyes brimming with tears, her expression empty.

Without waiting for her response, I left her bedroom and made my way to her kitchen, picking up the empty bottles as I found them. What could I possibly do for Bella that I haven't already done? The question was nagging me to no end. I could do nothing unless she asked something of me; I could not possibly force myself on her. She has to grieve in her own way and get the misery out in her own time.

Instead of disposing the bottles in the trash can, I decided to line them up on the counter so Bella could see them and realized what she had been doing to herself. I collected everything in sight and made sure that they would be the first thing she saw when she went to the kitchen. I washed my hands before I proceeded to open her refrigerator for anything she could eat.

I rummaged through the bin finding nothing but withered vegetables. There was nothing in the refrigerator except an expired carton of milk, some half eaten TV dinners and bottled water. Nothing I could fix for her. I could feel my nerves tighten as the pain lanced through me at the knowledge that Bella was not even eating properly. I looked inside the pantry too but there was nothing suitable for dinner.

Without one thing in mind, I found myself jumping out of the window and blurring to the nearest grocery store about four blocks away from her apartment. I zoomed through the empty store in as little as a couple of minutes grabbing whatever I could get my hands on. I doubt that Bella would even realize that I left.

In just less than five minutes tops, I came back to her apartment… knowing that Bella still hadn't move from her spot. Her sobbing continued as I hurriedly heated the canned soup and quickly fixed a turkey sandwich for her. By this time, I could hear Bella in the bathroom scrubbing her face. I gave her another five minutes before I knocked on her door, knowing full well that she was already decent.

"Come in," she answered softly.

"Bella, here's some hot soup and a sandwich. Why don't you sit up on your bed and let me set this tray up for you." I looked at her freshly washed face, noticing the remnants of tears in her eyes. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her gaunt figure was covered by sweat pants and shirt. It was obvious that she had been steadily losing weight.

"I'm really not hungry….." she began but I shook my head her and led her to bed.

"You haven't had anything to eat. You must eat something right now." My tone was light but a bit forceful. I knew I might have overstepped my bounds but I couldn't stand around knowing that she hadn't had a bite to eat.

Bella opened her mouth to say something. I knew what she was thinking; she wanted to tell me that she was not hungry and had no appetite.

She climbed into bed without arguing. She gingerly arranged herself under the blanket. I placed the tray on her lap before I sat on the chair next to her bed to watch her.

"Thank you." She said quietly eyeing the food on the tray.

"You're welcome. Try the soup first before it gets cold."

_I am not hungry. I don't have the strength to eat food that taste like plastic._ Bella's silent thoughts bothered me but I stayed silent. I wasn't going to let her go to bed on an empty stomach.

"Do you want me to feed you?" I asked, I knew what her answer would be but I had to try.

"No, it's okay." She smirked before she picked up the spoon and sipped on the soup once.

I could tell that she liked the taste and I waited for her to have some more. After five or six spoonful of the soup, she shoved the bowl aside. She took one bite on the sandwich and mechanically chewed on it. I could see that she was unhappy but was just humoring me.

"If you can't handle anymore, I think that's good enough. Just drink some milk please." I coaxed her before I took the tray from her and took it back to the kitchen. I disposed of the left over and placed the groceries I bought in the refrigerator and pantry.

"Bella, why don't you rest now? Go to sleep, I will stay in the living room until you fall asleep." I asked as I poked my head at her door.

"Thanks Edward." Bella responded wearily, placing the half empty glass of milk on her bedside table.

"Goodnight Bella." I whispered while I gently close the door behind me. I could hear the rustling of the sheets as I made my way back to the living room.

_Goodnight Joe, I love you honey._ I heard Bella murmur before she turned off the lamp.

The words were spoken with an aching desperation and pain lanced through me as I listened to her voice and her melancholic thoughts while she tried to will herself to sleep. I tried to let my mind wander and not dwell too much on what she was thinking but I found myself drifting back.

I heard a little scratching noise next to me and I knew it was Kibi, their cat. He seemed to be out of sorts, a little scared maybe. I could see the look of abandonment in his face as he tentatively walked to my direction. Animals didn't take kindly to my kind, they usually scrambled away when they sensed our presence but Kibi persisted. He boldly moved much closer to me.

"Hey there big guy," I said softly, not wanting to spook the already disgruntled feline. "Want something to eat?" I extended my hand out to him slowly but instead of walking into my waiting arms, Kibi went straight to my leg and rubbed his body on it while he purred in contentment. What a sad little soul. He must've been feeling neglected lately. I picked him up soon after and we cuddled together on the couch while I rubbed his belly just killing time, and waiting for Bella to fall asleep.

It took a good hour before exhaustion finally took over and Bella fell into a restless sleep. I took the liberty of clearing and washing her dishes for lack of anything better thing to do. I needed some form of distraction to keep myself from going to her room to watch her in her sleep.

Part of me would love to rush in her bedroom and bask in her presence but my rational side screamed to let Bella be. I tidied up her apartment as much as I could, folding clothes and replacing Kibi's litter box. It saddened me to see that she had been living in a pitiable condition ever since Joe's passed away.

I ended up with a book that I could tell belonged to Joe, to kill time. Faulkner's novel; _as I lay dying_ got me engrossed enough not to notice that time had gone by faster. I was halfway through the book when I heard Bella moan in her room. Discerning what could be the reason for it, I waited for a few minutes until I heard it repeatedly, this time it was a disturbed moaning, seeming that of pain.

I pushed myself up from the couch and hurried to her room. I knocked a few times and waited but no answer came, I turned the knob quietly and poked my head in to check.

The moment it took me to scan her room I could tell that Bella was running a fever. I couldn't stop myself when I moved towards her bed to see how she was. I felt her cheek with the back of my palm to gauge her temperature. She was soaked in sweat and was burning up. I knew the slight touch of my cold hand startled her. Bella's eyes fluttered open and they groggily focused on me. She showed no recognition in her fevered state.

"Are you okay Bella? You are burning up." I whispered loud enough for her to hear. Bella nodded her head but her body was shivering under the sheets. I ran to the bathroom and rummaged through her drawers and cabinet to look for any pain medication, any fever reducing pill that I could get my hands on.

I saw a bottle of Tylenol in one of the drawers and took three tablets for Bella. I ran to the kitchen to get a bottled water from the refrigerator and came back to see Bella moving restlessly in her bed. Her eyes remained closed and I knew that she would be rousing very soon. I took a washcloth from the towel rack and ran the water until it was at a comfortable temperature and soaked the towel in it. After wringing the remaining water off, I hurried back and dabbed the towel on her forehead and face gently. I could see the instant relief in her face.

"Mmm….that feels good," Bella mumbled. Her hand snaked out of the sheets and touched my arm, pulling me towards her.

"Bella, here take this; it will help with your fever."

"Mmm…" Bella replied without opening her eyes. I gently lifted her head and popped the tablets in her mouth and gave her the bottled water to drink. Bella's hands were trembling when she took it from me.

"Go back to sleep now." I whispered in her ears but I did not make a move to resist her action.

"Stay…..hold me….I'm cold." Her teeth started chattering and I knew that I was powerless to stay away. Against my better judgment, I grabbed a throw blanket draped on the chair and lay down next to her and wrapped the blanket around her. I held her in my arms hoping that the coldness of my skin wouldn't be a problem. She shivered momentarily before her face relaxed and her body began to loosen up. She cuddled closer to me and my body weakened with her close proximity.

I stared at the ceiling for some time, afraid to move. I didn't want to move. I could stay here forever holding her in my arms. I was on borrowed time; it was not me she wanted. I realized that but I couldn't make myself leave. I didn't want to.

I rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her back to sleep. Her moaning and mumbling continued while her head rested on my arm, her face turned towards me. Her fever was still raging so I placed my palm on her forehead to cool her down.

I watched her closely as a somnolent expression crossed her face before she started heaving herself much closer to me. I would be a hypocrite if I said that her body so close to mine had no effect on me. Every part of my being screamed at me. I wanted Bella. I needed Bella and I love her so damn much.

By some twisted and sick act of fate, Bella started rubbing her body against mine. Despite the layer of fabrics that separated us, I swore I could feel every part of her body, the softness of her thighs, the firmness of her breasts and the warmth of her breath caressed me.

I couldn't push myself to stop her. I was incapable of moving away from her at that moment. I wanted her more than anything in this world. It was sheer will power that I remained unmoving. I fought the urge to kiss her and to take her. Bella wrapped her arms around me while her legs pulled my body closer to hers.

Finally I heard it. She started calling Joe's name.

_Joe….Joe….._

I knew all along that it wasn't me she was deliriously hoping for. I couldn't bring myself to push her away. I knew that I was wrong for taking advantage of her this way, in her fever inspired longing for someone else. I kept my arms around her and rocked her gently to sleep while I sang a song to lull her out of her restless condition.

**^^^^^^ Time to listen to the playlist^^^^^^**

_Someone's just outside, knocking at my door_  
_A stranger, somebody unknown_  
_Someone's in my dreams, can't get it off my mind yeah_  
_I'm tired of being alone_  
_Someone's trying to find an easy way inside_  
_Come on, I'm right here at home, right at home_  
_Is it you? Is it you? Is it you? Is it you?_

_Who's that deep inside me, sneaking around my heart?_  
_Are you somebody in love?_  
_Show me what you're doing and tell me who you are_  
_Hey! I'm ready for love, for love._

_Is it you? Is it you? Is it you? Is it you?_

_If it's you, come out in the open_  
_You don't need to hide your love_  
_If it's you, you know I'm hoping_  
_'Cause it's way too late to run away_  
_Don't run away from love, my love_  
_Is it you?_

_Is it you, knocking at my door?_  
_Is it my imagination?_  
_Is it you, I can't get off my mind?_  
_Is it you, you, you?_  
_Is it you, sneaking around my heart?_  
_Is it my imagination?_  
_Is it you, I can't get off my mind?_  
_You, you, you?_

Several times during the night, Bella seemed like she was going to wake up so I kept holding her, buying more time with her. Her unconscious reaction was that of contentment and security while she dreamt that Joe was the one holding her, keeping her warm and safe.

Dusk finally came, signaling an end to one of the longest nights of my existence. I went through a dozen conflicting emotions as I got up from Bella's bed. I didn't want her to wake up in a compromising situation of finding us together in her bed. I felt her forehead once more before I left. Her fever had gone down and her restlessness was over.

I stayed in the living room to wait until she woke up so I could then prepare a quick breakfast for her. After a few more hours, she came out of her room wobbling. I rushed to her side and offered my hand to her. She looked at me with confusion but she let me guide her to the dining area. Her eyes flickered to the counter where I lined up the empty bottles of alcohol.

"Bella, I cooked some eggs and bacon for you. Here's some toast and jelly too." I sat on the chair opposite from her and left her to eat in peace while I chewed on what I needed to say to her. She may not like to hear it but it will be said. She ate a few bites pushing her food around her plate restlessly. She would glance briefly at me but tended to look away when I my eyes would meet hers.

Knowing that this was a good time as any, I decided to tell her what had been bugging me all night. She might not like me for it but she needed to hear it before it was too late.

"Bella, I am concerned about your drinking….I fear it is out of control. I don't want you to rely on alcohol to escape reality. Deal with your feelings, your grief. You have friends who care about you. I am here for you if you need to talk but please don't turn to alcohol as a means of escape. You are only hurting yourself. I don't think Joe would be happy with what you are doing to yourself." I watched her face intently after I spoke. Her eyes spoke volumes but she didn't say a word.

_I don't want this either but if it's the only way I can cope…._I read Bella's thoughts but she didn't voice them out loud. She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. "I miss Joe so much Edward. I don't know how to move on….or if I even want to."

I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her, gently rubbing her back to soothe and calm her down. We stayed that way for a long while before her sobs subsided.

"Edward, I appreciate what you are doing for me but I need to be alone." Her mouth quivered as she spoke.

I nodded knowing that there wasn't much else I could do at the moment. But now that I knew how bad things were for certain I would be keeping a closer eye on Bella and her well being. "Call or text me if you need anything, I mean anything Bella. I am here for you." I said before I turned on my heels and headed for the door.

"Thank you very much," I heard her say as the door closed behind me. I walked out of her apartment building feeling intensely miserable. I decided to walk through the rain and headed towards the club.

"Hey boss, where were you?" Sidney greeted me as I came through the front door of the empty club. I knew by his routine that everything in the club was already in order after the previous night's revelry. He took one look at me and knew that I had a rough night.

"Hey Sid," I responded tightly and flopped myself on the chair next to him. I leaned back, feeling mentally exhausted.

"Lagavulin coming up." He said as he zipped to bar to retrieve a bottle of my favorite scotch and a glass which he handed to me. "Rough night?" he asked.

"Yes, I can't talk about it." I answered somberly, raking my fingers through my hair.

"No problem boss," Sidney sat down and raised his legs on the table and just watched me quietly. We sat in silence as I poured one glass of scotch after another, wishing I could get the full numbing effect of the alcohol. I needed to clear my head but I needed to desensitize myself from the overwhelming effect that Bella had on me.

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**A/N: **Edward found himself in a difficult situation. Torn between wanting Bella and doing the right thing. What a predicament. I don't know how much more that guy could take. Anyway, what are your thoughts on this chapter? Let me know.


	17. Chapter 17 Tough Love

******"Tough times never last, but tough people do." Robert H. Schuller**

**Chapter 17: Tough Love**

**EPOV:**

For several weeks, I watched Bella from the sidelines, as she went through the motions. Getting up in the morning, going to work, visiting Joe's grave, going home and finally crying herself to sleep. The same thing over and over, everyday like clockwork. I tried several times to get Bella out of the fortress she surrounded herself with but she had said no to the every invitation that I had attempted.

**Buzz….Buzz**

_I will be going away for a period of time, to visit an aunt in California. Will call you to let you know that I arrived safely. B_

I stared at the text on my phone luminous display. I didn't know what to say and I couldn't bring myself to respond right away. Several months? I was certain that a few months will feel like a decade for me.

_Exactly how long will you be away and where in California? E_

_I can't say…I promise to call you when I get there. B_

My carefully guarded thread of patience was wearing thin. I have to admit that there were times when I thought of just taking Bella against her will but I knew that deep down, it was not how I was made up. I still believed in free will and the beguiling power of love. No matter if I was not a recipient of anything positive.

There were days that I wanted to shake Bella out of the rut that she was in but I had no right to do so. She hasn't given me any indication that she wanted to let me in, to be a part of her life. It took a massive amount of restraint to keep myself from rushing to Bella's apartment and to beg her not to leave.

The phone call never came. I pathetically waited by the phone all day and night, willing for it to ring. The waiting almost killed me when days turned to weeks, and those insufferable weeks turned into months. Before I knew it, she has been gone for over two months. Arguably, this was the worst time of my life, even compared to my transformation as we vampires knew it.

The fact that she hadn't made contact with anyone, not just me was troubling enough. Brad, Lucy and I had been calling and texting her non-stop but all our attempts were ignored. I knew that I had to find out now. I could not stand not knowing for even one more day. Something was wrong and the uneasy feeling had been growing and reached a screaming point in my head I could no longer ignore.

"Sidney, I am going to take off for an hour or so…. I have to check on something." Sidney nodded when his eyes met mine. Sidney had an idea that the only thing that could make me leave the club was something that had to do with Bella.

Sidney understood where I was coming from. He understood my pain even though our circumstances were different. We were both longing for people who weren't there. Sidney had gone to hell and back when he lost his mate to another vampire. Sidney took his fate like a man, but hadn't looked at another woman ever since.

I now understood that how different and yet similar our situations were. We both love women we could not have. Although I still have Bella in my life and she hadn't told me that she didn't want me. I knew it was just a matter of time. Her actions spoke loudly and I was a fool to ignore them.

I admired Sidney's courage and resilience. He had been suffering all along, all these years and yet he remained upbeat. He told me of his pain once but I have never seen him dwell in his misery. I guess he was a better man. I could hardly keep myself above water. I was drowning and I refused to swim to the surface. I was sure that Sidney may have thought of me as pathetic although I haven't actually heard him express that in his thoughts.

"Sure boss," was all Sidney said. Always the respectful friend.

I didn't say anything but turned on my heel and walked towards the door. I glanced at Emmett and Lucy who were quietly talking in one corner of the room. They had an hour for each other before Midnight Blue opened its doors to the public for the night's merriment. I seemed that Lucy had taken a liking to Emmett and I was happy for them both. At the very least, someone was making some strides as far as a relationship was concerned.

Deciding against taking my Ducati, I pulled up the collar of my leather jacket out of habit as I moved towards the direction of Bella's apartment. I broke into a jog and took the 10 blocks in less than five minutes; the manner of which I moved was fast but not odd by human standards. It would have taken me less time if I was allowed to move at my natural speed.

All I wanted was to gain access to Bella's apartment and look for any possible clues as to her whereabouts, maybe get the address of her aunt in California. After all she had no one in New York to take care and look at after her. She was missing and I wanted her found, just for my own peace of mind. I needed to find out if I wanted to salvage my sanity. I tried reasoning with myself, justifying my plan of breaking and entering; no one had to know. It would be my own dirty little secret. Back in the days, people like me were called 'secret admirers'- nowadays, we were referred to as 'stalkers'. I smirked at myself, regardless of what I was branded; staying away was not an option any longer.

I scaled the wall of her apartment building- something I have grown accustomed to, having done it for several times already. I moved lithely in the darkness and finally made it to the stairs meant as a fire escape that led me to her big living room window. I expected a darkened apartment but what greeted me were lights streaming from the living room window.

Imagine my surprise when I looked through the glass window and found Bella's apartment in complete and utter disarray. My first instinct was a break-in but I didn't hear anyone inside. To say that the place was a pig sty would still be an understatement. I had no words to describe the filth that I found.

Papers were strewn everywhere, unopened mail was all over the place, and empty wrappers of food and half eaten microwavable dinners were lying on the table and countertop. Empty liquor bottles were discarded on the floor and everywhere imaginable.

Out of nowhere, I saw Kibi streak past the living room towards the direction of Bella's room. I was dumbfounded at the thought of Bella leaving the poor animal on his own, unattended and arguably, abandoned.

That was the reason I decided to break into her apartment faster than I had intended. I quickly drew the curtains together to stay undetected from her neighbors prying eyes. The scent of blood assaulted me like a kick in the gut. Although I had been good enough to stay away from human blood, Bella's blood had always sung to me.

I knew right then and there that something was terribly wrong. I ran towards Bella's bedroom and found it empty. I caught her scent inside the bathroom where I found her lying unconscious inside the shower as soon as I opened the door. The water was running and she was still wearing her clothes. It was obvious that she passed out cold with the bump in her head only supported my theory.

I pushed back the venom that suddenly pooled in the back of throat and dealt with the situation that require my immediate assistance. The stench of vomit also hit me. Bella was lying on a bed of vomit. I felt as every single muscle in my body lurched, tightened and screamed at the pitiful sight before me.

"Bella…. Bella…" I tried calling her name to see if I could rouse her but she was out cold. I gathered her right wrist in my fingers and felt her pulse; it was faint and I knew that I shouldn't be wasting precious time. I had to make a swift decision. I yanked my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, can I help you?" An efficient voice came through on the other end of the line.

"I need the paramedics here at 1435 12th Street! I have an unconscious woman in the shower." I nearly screamed at the dispatcher.

"I am sending the paramedics right now and I want you stay on the phone with me to give me more information about the woman." The man said on the other line.

I barked out all the information that he needed and asked for. After about 5 minutes or so, I heard the wailing of the ambulance's siren outside the apartment building. I didn't leave Bella's side except to clean the vomit from her face and neck. I stayed with her until I was asked to move aside so the medics could work on her.

They worked competently on her while a cop asked me some 'routine' questions. One of the questions was my relationship with Bella that for me was a tough one to answer. I was aching to say that I was more than just a friend but I couldn't lie to the police or to myself.

An IV line was started on her right away, even before she was wheeled out of her apartment. "Mr. Cullen, would you like to ride with Ms. Davis to the hospital?" One of the medics asked hurriedly and I nodded my head and jumped in the ambulance to be with Bella. I held her limp hand all the way to the hospital. Her face was pale, her cheeks sunken and her appearance was more than gaunt. She was a sad picture of a broken woman and I felt helpless- unable to come up with ways on how to help her, to alleviate her pain.

I felt like I was swimming in the ocean of uncertainties with her. We were both living with the belief that we could have the person that we love. I was in denial and so was Bella. What a sad pair we made. I thought grimly.

The non-stop blaring of the siren persisted until we reached the emergency room and Bella was whisked away from me. I was asked to remain in the waiting room to give them more information about her.

"Lucy, Edward here. Do you have any plans tomorrow? I need you to come and watch Bella in the hospital while I run some errands for her….." the sound of Lucy's shocked voice rang in my ears and I had to calm her down and gave her the gist of how I found Bella in her apartment.

"I don't know yet Lucy. I will give you a call once I speak with the doctor. Yes, sometime in the morning…. I will let you know what room she will be transferred to. Yes, I don't think I will make it there at the bar tonight. Just pass news along to Sidney if you can." I told Lucy before we hung up.

After pacing inside the waiting room for half an hour, the ER doctor finally emerged from the cubicle where he'd been checking at Bella and walked towards my direction. I had known all along, from reading their minds what was wrong with Bella.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Davis is suffering from d_ehydration_ and h_ypothermia_ not to mention that she is a verifiable alcoholic. Blood and urine testing had confirmed everything that you have indicated to us. We will keep her here for several days until she is hydrated enough and her hypothermia is under control. We are giving her an IV that will help warm the cavities inside her body and we are giving her warm air treatments also. She is also severely undernourished."

She is now under sedation to help with her alcohol cravings until she can decide the course of action she wants to take regarding this matter. But for now, I suggest that you go home first and come back in the morning. I don't expect her to wake up 'til then." The balding doctor said before he was called to attend to another incoming patient.

"Thank you," I said quietly as I watched the doctor walk away.

I walked to where Bella was already sleeping soundly, her face seemed to have relaxed a little and some color appeared on her cheeks. "I will see you tomorrow, my love." I whispered in her ear, just relieved that I was able to get it off my chest. I left the emergency room after Bella was transferred to the regular floor of the hospital.

I stood outside the entrance of the emergency room without any plan, any idea of what I should do. I walked aimlessly for the next minute or so, thinking of Bella and how she allowed her grief to ruin her. She was already throwing her life away by refusing to see what lay ahead for her after her life with Joe.

A black cat suddenly crossed my path and the darn thing gave me an idea of what I should be doing. That's when I thought about returning to Bella's apartment to check on Kibi. I knew I had to go back and feed the poor cat and clean up the mess that had accumulated after months of neglect.

Somehow, I had gotten a hold of Bella's house keys before we left for the hospital. I let myself I her apartment amidst the filth and stench that surrounded me. The stomach churning smell of spilled alcohol all over the place was offensive mixed Kibi's overflowing litter box. The stink of rotting food was horrendous while I cleaned Kibi's bowl and filled it with food and water.

I watched Kibi devoured the food and water in his bowl without delay. I felt a pang of sadness knowing that the poor cat was a victim of negligence. As much as I had no fondness for pets, I knew that I just became a temporary guardian of Bella's cat until she was fit enough to take care of him.

I walked around her apartment, picking up trash, pieces of paper were on the floor and unopened mail were discarded everywhere, all over the apartment. It seemed to me that Bella had successfully led us to believe that she was going away so we wouldn't check on her anymore, for her to be left alone. They say that alcoholics would lie, cheat and steal to get the fix that they needed, and Bella was not exempted from such behavior.

A red piece of paper caught my attention as I was putting her unopened mail together. It was a notice of eviction which was dated a few days ago and she was given a week to vacate the property before they purposely take over the property under their legal rights as landlord of the property.

Bella wouldn't even have a chance to respond to the notice because of her present predicament. I didn't think she was close to being fit to be on her own. An idea formed in my head and finally, I decided take matters into my own hands.

I cleaned her apartment to an acceptable condition during the rest of the night before I left her place to deliver Kibi to my place. I am sure Sidney and Emmett wouldn't be crazy about the idea of having a 'pet' in our presence but they had no choice in the matter.

I settled Kibi into his new environment which took some time, the poor cat seemed lost and scared. The new surroundings seemed to have him a little on edge but with a little time, he would learn to adapt to his new home, for the time being.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number on the paper and waited for someone to answer my call; "Hello, this is Edward Cullen and I am calling on behalf of Ms. Bella Davis. I want to settle any arrears she has on her apartment. And yes, she and her belongings will be gone by the given date." After giving my credit card number to settle Bella's debt, I called the movers and scheduled a pick-up of her belongings and had given them some instructions on how to handle her things and where to drop them off.

I knew Bella wouldn't be happy with the outcome of her life once she snapped out of her alcohol induced state of denial. My footsteps were heavy as I walked to the shower, thinking how messed up her life had turned out to be.

_Hey boss, you called? L_

_Yeah, I need you to drop by Bella's apt. and get some pictures of Joe so she can have it with her in the hospital. E_

_No problemo. See you there boss! L_

I took care of some last minute details in the club before I made my way towards the hospital. Somehow, I dreaded seeing the look in Bella's face when she realized what had happened to her. I wasn't sure how she would take it and what I have decided for her. I guess there's only one way to find out, I told myself.

The arid feel inside the hospital greeted me the moment I stepped inside the automatic double glass doors. I passed by the gift shop and purchased a flower arrangement with a Teddy Bear and a get well Mylar balloon for Bella. I was hoping to bring some cheer into the sullenness of the day and her situation.

I knocked softly on the door before I poked my head on the door. Bella's head was turned towards the window making it difficult for me to see the expression in her face. I knew she was awake basing it on the little sobs that she tried to hide when she heard my voice.

"Hi Bella," I greeted quietly, not wanting to sound overly excited.

"Edward….how are you?" She asked before turning her head to look at me. Her hands twisted under the flimsy sheet that covered her body. The IV lines were still hooked up to her. The paleness of her face was still obvious but the IV which meant to hydrate her seemed to be doing its job. She looked better today compared to how she looked like the day before.

"I'm fine Bella. How are you feeling this morning?" I placed the flowers on her bedside table and sat on the edge of her bed, close enough but still allowing some space between us. Bella's eyes flickered to the flowers and she smiled a little but said nothing. I could hear the conflict raging within her.

Bella was terribly ashamed of what happened to her, to be seen in such pitiable state and actually despaired with the fact that she was still alive. I clenched my mouth and pursed my lips in an effort to refrain from telling her that I would not let her kill herself. I exhaled loudly in hopes that it would distract her flow of thoughts.

She looked at me but remained silent. I inched a little closer so I could be directly in her line of vision. I wanted to see her face and her reaction when I broke the news to her.

"Bella, I am not sure if the doctor had seen you already." She shook her head and I proceeded after that.

"I found you unconscious in your apartment. You were passed out in the shower with the water running. It's a miracle that you didn't drown in that particular situation. Your pulse was so faint that I had to call the paramedics." I cleared my throat as I watched her face. She didn't say anything which prompted me to go on.

"You were taken to the ER where the doctor told me that you were suffering from dehydration, malnutrition and hypothermia. He also mentioned that he was certain that you are dependent on alcohol which greatly bothers me," again, she said nothing but continued looking at me. Her face etched with sadness and I almost did not want to continue, for fear of hurting her more.

"I don't want to be the one to break all the bad news to you but I have to do it," I started and I could sense that she was bracing herself for whatever I news I was about to break. I took her hands in mine and was not in the least bit concerned if she started to wonder about the coldness of my touch.

"Bella, I want you to look at me so I am certain that you understand what I am trying to tell you," I touched the tip of her chin and tilted it towards my direction. Her eyes focused on my face, before she spoke.

"I am listening Edward," her voice was almost a whisper.

"You are being evicted from you apartment for non-payment. You have the notice in your apartment which I found when I went back to clean up and see to Kibi.

"Oh my god! What have I done? How is Kibi?" Bella cried, her face turned into a sharp contortion of pain, grimace and guilt.

"He is fine. I fed him and took him to my place where I could watch him 'til you get better." It was a feeble attempt to calm her down.

"Thank you. I am so sorry." Bella started sobbing. I didn't let go of her hand. I liked touching her and was thankful that she didn't pull away. She seemed to find comfort in my touch. I wiped her tears with my free hand and waited until she was composed enough before I continued.

"I made arrangement with your landlord, settled the arrears…."

She cut me off before I could finish what I was saying. "I will pay you back right away Edward."

"Bella, the money is the least of my worries. As I was saying, I called the movers and they will be moving your things to my place. I don't want you by yourself right now. You will stay with me until you get better."

"But….but…." she started to say.

"No buts Bella. This is out of your hands right now. You are not able to be alone in your condition. You will sleep in my loft and I will take one of the rooms on the first floor. Lucy is dropping by your apartment right now to get some of your toiletries and other essentials. And yes, she will bring some of Joe's pictures." I said it as soon as she thought of it.

In my mind's eye, it was better if I said it than her thinking about it. It definitely made it less painful for me.

A slight smile formed in Bella's face at the mention of Joe. Somehow, in the grand scheme of things, I would rather have Bella pining for someone else if I could at least see her smiling and living. The pain would seem bearable if that was the case.

"Thank you Edward, I don't know what could have happened to me if you didn't find me. It could have been…." She said and abruptly stopped in mid-sentence. "What made you come to my apartment when I told you that I was out of town?" she was intently watched my face this time but I didn't falter when I gave her the reason.

"I had an odd feeling that I had to try and find you… I didn't know what I was walking into or what condition I would find you in there. But I am glad I did. I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you." I kept my hand on hers while I gave her hand a little squeeze. Her heart skipped a bit at my action.

"Thanks… it means a lot to me…."

I wasn't sure if I totally believed what she said. I knew that she didn't want to go on living without Joe but I just wouldn't let myself accept the fact she wanted to go…

"You are welcome Bella. Anyway, you were given a medication to help curb your dependency on alcohol. I am sorry but I will be watching you closely from now on. This is for your own good Bella."

"I know…." Somehow I knew she wasn't convinced that she had a drinking problem and she needed help from anyone.

"Bella, when they discharge you from here, you will be coming home with me. You have nothing to worry about… I don't want you to worry about anything but getting better. Can you promise me that you will stop drinking?" I took her hand and lifted it up to my face. I wanted to kiss it more than anything but I didn't want to confuse Bella. I gently let go of her hand and waited for her answer.

"I don't know what to say… I will try Edward." Bella's voice broke and she absentmindedly brought her hand, the one that I touched closer to her face, as if taking in the scent of my hand.

"I suppose that will be good enough for now," I said with a little glimmer of happiness dancing within me.

"I will try Edward, that's all I can say."

Lucy came and offered to stay with Bella while I returned to the club to straighten some kinks in the music line-up. Bella was sleeping soundly, thanks to the sleep aid that the doctor gave her. She needed all the rest she could have. She had pushed herself to the limit and her body could only take so much.

Emmett and Enrique were waiting for me when I got to the club. I wasn't in the best mood. I haven't been lately. Everyone in the club respected my need for solitude and I appreciated their efforts in leaving me be.

"Hey boss!" Emmett's face lit up when he saw me walked through the door. Enrique tipped his fedora hat in my direction but said nothing. The club wouldn't be open for business 'till three hours from now. I could hear Sidney talking to one of the staff in the back while I strode to the bar to help myself to a tall glass of my favorite scotch. I took one swig and poured myself another before I went back to the stage.

"Okay, so let me look at the line-up…." I grunted as I seated myself on the piano bench. Emmett got up and handed the sheet of paper to me.

"Here you go boss…"

I looked at the music line-up and noticed that some of my music pieces somehow made it to the list. I was actually on leave from the club's performing duties until Bella could be taken home. I hate to cancel my set at the last minute knowing it would be hard to find a replacement in such a short notice.

"Okay, what do you suggest we do?" I directed my question to Enrique since he was my alternate piano player. He got up and walked around the piano to face me. He dropped his elbows on the shiny surface of the piano before he spoke.

"Um… I have an idea how you play your music line-up. I think I can play most of them with the exception of this one song." He walked around and pointed the certain piece that was in question.

Crap, of all the music he needed help with. It had to be the one that I didn't feel like playing at the moment, but for Pete's s sake, I had no choice. We couldn't disrupt the flow of our musical program just because I was being a sentimental pansy.

"Fine…start it off like this…" my fingers glided on the keys with familiarity, the strong emotions that coursed through me each and every time that I play the songs that meant so much to me. The lyrics were the ones that brought sadness to my already upside down existence.

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**_^^^^Link to the song can be found on my profile page^^^_**

_Need I say I love you__  
__Need I say I care__  
__Need I say that emotion's__  
__Something we don't share__  
__I don't want to be sitting here__  
__Trying to deceive you__  
__Cos you know I know baby__  
__I don't wanna go._

_We cannot live together__  
__We cannot live apart__  
__That's the situation__  
__I've known it from the start__  
__Every time that I look at you__  
__I can't see the future__  
__Cos you know I know baby__  
__I don't wanna go._

_Throwing it all away__  
__Throwing it all away__  
__Is there nothing that I can say__  
__To make you change your mind__  
__I watch the world go round and round__  
__And see mine turning upside down__  
__You're throwing it all away._

_Now who'll light up the darkness__  
__Who will hold your hand__  
__Who will find you the answers__  
__When you don't understand__  
__Why should I have to be the one__  
__Who has to convince you__  
__Cos you know I know baby__  
__That I don't wanna go._

_Someday you'll be sorry__  
__Someday when you're free__  
__Memories will remind you__  
__That our love was meant to be__  
__Late at night when you call my name__  
__The only sound you'll hear__  
__Is the sound of your voice calling__  
__Calling after me._

_Just throwing it all away__  
__Throwing it all away__  
__There's nothing I can say__  
__You're throwing it all away._

Enrique's face glowed with appreciation and awe by the time I finished the song. I clamped my mouth in an effort not to scream. The whole time I was singing, Bella was on my mind. She was always on my mind, haunting and taunting me. How much more could I take?

Emmett was clapping and grinning like a deranged person by the time I made my leave. "So you guys can figure out the rest?" I asked before I returned to the bar to pour another glass of scotch, my psychological numbing agent.

"Yes, I think we can take it from here." Enrique answered, relief written all over his face as he slapped Emmett playfully and they went through the line-up again.

**Buzz… Buzz**

_Boss, I think you should come back here to the hospital. L_

_What's wrong? E_

_Bella is hysterical. L_

I was texting my answer and running at a blurring speed as I made my way to the hospital. Damn everyone! I didn't give a hoot if they saw me run at an unbelievable speed. Bella was all I could think of. The sooner I got to her the better.

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**A/N:** I know, not again! Bella is just hell bent on killing herself to get over her grief of losing Joe, but Edward won't let that happen. He is now taking over. We'll see what happens next. What are your thoughts on the chapter? Thanks for reading guys. I really appreciate you continued support to this story.

Thanks to three awesome ladies- EE, SK and Keye. xoxo


	18. Chapter 18 Hope Floats

Thanks to EE, SK and Keye for devoting so much time in helping out with each and every chapter. Much love ladies.

* * *

**"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." Vaclav Havel**

**Chapter 18: Hope Floats**

**BPOV:**

"Bella?" What are you doing to yourself?" The faint voice asked me.

I lifted my eyelids at the sound of the familiar voice. I looked around my hospital room and found it empty but I couldn't ignore the nagging call to get up and follow the direction of the voice. I'd recognize the voice any time even without the benefit of seeing. I knew the voice by heart because the voice belonged to my 'life'.

"Joe? Joe….." I wrestled with the IV line in my arm, tugging at the plastic tube before yanking myself free from it. A small drop of blood oozed out from the site where the needle came from and a slight stinging sensation made me squirm. I had no time to bleed and dwell in it. The urge to feel Joe consumed me. I swung my foot on the cold tiled floor in an effort to get up but as soon as I was upright, my head started spinning around, preventing me from making a step. I sat on the edge of my bed and waited until the spinning stopped before I tried again to stand and keep my footing steady.

"Bella, you must not get up." Another familiar voice spoke up to me as a pair of warm hands held me back, pushing me back down on the bed. I looked up to see Lucy's distraught face looking down at me.

"No Lucy…Joe is here, he was talking to me…I need to find him."

"Bella, listen to me. It's only you and I here in the room sweetie. Joe isn't here." Lucy was kind but she was mistaken, she couldn't see Joe but I could. Lucy wrapped her arms around me but I didn't feel reassured by the gesture. I was alone in this, in my misery.

"He was here, he spoke to me…he spoke to me." The harsh reality jabbed me hard. Was I really losing it? Was Joe's appearance just a figment of my imagination?

With the question came the revelation that I was completely screwing up now. I was making a big blunder of Joe's memory and looking at my present predicament, I let Joe down. What have I done to myself? Only alcohol could help me forget. It always did and I needed it. The thought of what I needed in my system made me shudder uncontrollably. "I need a drink Lucy…please get me a drink."

"Bella no! A drink is not a solution to your problem. You need to get better. You still have to live for yourself as Joe wanted you to."

"Joe is dead isn't he? I need the drink to get him off my mind because thinking of him is slowly killing me! Can't you understand it Lucy? I need a damn drink right now!" I heard myself scream in frustration. One damn drink and no one could grant me the little thing that I needed to forget.

"No Bella….I can't give you what you want." Lucy started crying as she lifted the call light to summon the nurse, avoiding my confrontational stare.

"Lucy please…one drink is all I asked for." I crumbled. One drink…I needed to drown myself away. Just one…."

A series of knocking sounded from the door and an elderly nurse dressed in blue scrubs poke her head in the door. "You called?"

Lucy got up and with heavy feet she proceeded to the door, closing it behind her to effectively leave me out of the conversation. Pathetic! That's what I was. The burning sensation started, it had been this way for some time now. Just a drop! That was all I needed, a quick fix, an elixir to numbness and all would be forgotten for the time being. Where Joe's memory lingered and the pain subsided. That's all I was asking for, the pain to go away.

"Please, please. Just one drink! Give it to me now! Please, please, is there anything to make it go away? I can't bear this, please….please." The sound of my screaming and hysterical voice filled the room before I could stop and think. This was it! I had finally let my guard down and the immense amount of my addiction had been unleashed for everyone to see.

"Make it go away, please…"

"Bella…Oh Bella!" A pair of strong, rather cold but familiar arms wrapped themselves around me, providing an instant cocoon to my raw and battered nerves. I knew it was him; it had always been Edward who came to my rescue whenever I found myself in trouble, in turmoil.

"I need a drink Edward. I begged Lucy but she won't give it to me." My voice sounded foreign even to my ears, it sounded like a deprived child asking for one piece of candy. This was my newest low, to hear myself beg. At this point, it felt like I would do anything for one drink, even one single drop. I wanted the ache to go away. Ache that started in the pit of my stomach and radiated all over my body.

"Bella, you must be strong. You can't let your cravings get the best of you. We talked about this and you must try to stop yourself from thinking about it. You have to please, for yourself and….for Joe." The name caused me to jerk from his embrace. I lifted my face to look at Edward, his face was close to mine, his eyes imploring, pleading. Shame was too powerful to ignore as I lowered my gaze, unable to sustain the golden pair of eyes that understood my pain and my longing.

"I can't ignore it…I need it now more than ever." I started crying and sunk back against the mattress feeling utterly desperate and helpless.

"Bella, the nurse is here to give you something to calm you down. It will help with the effects of withdrawal that you are going through right now. Bella, look at me please." I felt Edward's body shift next to me to allow the nurse to come closer to me.

"Mrs. Davis, I need your left arm please." The nurse asked, pulling gently on the arm that I offered to her. I shifted my eyes to Edward as he asked me to before I closed them and held my breath as light pressure of the needle descended onto my skin after which a pricking sensation and a tug followed. I released a lung-full of air after the needle was pulled out. I opened my eyes and fixed them on Edward's face who was quietly watching me. I could feel the weight of his stare and his unspoken words. His face emanated kindness and something else, pity perhaps? I didn't know anymore.

A little movement came from the sitting area where Lucy was sitting. I looked at her as she walked up to me, her usual smiling face reduced to crying because of me. I felt the weight of my actions on my shoulders as she held my hands. "I have to go Bella. I am terribly sorry but I can't give you what you wanted…" her voice broke yet again.

"Lucy, I didn't mean to get you involved in my situation. I am really sorry." Lucy clutched my hand and shook her head at me.

"No need to apologize Bella, we are friends and I am here to help. But I won't stand around and watch you ruin yourself…no, I can't do that." The words that rang loudly in my ears as we clung to each other and cried out more tears. My earlier frustrations gave way to fear and surrender. I had to do something with myself. I wanted to…I wish it were that easy. I knew I needed help.

"Bella?" Edward spoke by the window where he had been standing for the past few minutes since Lucy left. We were left to our own thoughts in silence in the room.

"Yes?" He turned to face me as he strode purposely next to my bed. My eyes were getting heavy; the effects of the medication had finally kicked in. I tried to focus on his face as he hovered by my bed.

"I am here for you, please don't forget that. I will always be around for you."

"Thanks…I…" I stopped, feeling suddenly ashamed about what I was about to ask him.

"Say it Bella, say it."

"Can you sing to me please?" An intense emotional longing and fear of being alone suddenly gripped me as the stimulating effect of the medication started to take effect. "I am scared Edward."

"Don't be…yes…I will sing for you. Do you have any particular song in mind?" He asked before he lowered himself on the chair next to my bed.

"Anything you sing eases the pain in my soul as it will be beautiful." I felt his hand settled on top of mine and I felt myself relax, feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

* * *

**^^^ Time to get to the playlist link on my profile page ^^^**

_It was only one hour ago__  
__it was all so different then__  
__there's nothing yet has really sunk in__  
__looks like it always did__  
__this flesh and bone__  
__it's just the way that you would tied in__  
__now there's no-one home_

His voice filled the room and the feeling of peace I hadn't felt for so long washed over me. The soothing sound of his voice calmed my weary soul, it always did. He had that effect on me since the day I first met him. It felt good to finally experience a little reprieve from the grief that I had been riddled with. I closed my eyes and soon after…felt myself drift off…slowly….

_I grieve for you__  
__You leave me__  
__let it out and move on__  
__missing what's gone__  
__they say life carries on__  
__they say life carries on and on and on_

_Life carries on__  
__in the people I meet__  
__in everyone that's out on the street__  
__in all the dogs and cats__  
__in the flies and rats__  
__in the rot and the rust__  
__in the ashes and the dust__  
__life carries on and on and on and on__  
__life carries on and on and on_

_It's just the car that we ride in__  
__A home we reside in__  
__the face that we hide in__  
__The way we are tied in__  
__and life carries on and on and on and on__  
__Life carries on and on and on_

_Did I dream this belief?__  
__Or did I believe this dream?__  
__Now I can find relief__  
__I grieve_

**EPOV:**

Long after my song ended, I stayed in my spot unmoving, next to Bella, holding onto to her hand with fierce determination that she would get through this situation. I held onto her hand feeling every pulse within me race overwhelmingly. I felt my love grow much more intensely with each passing second, fueled by her helplessness and my own hopelessness. I didn't even realize that it was possible to love someone the way I loved her.

I knew of soul mates. She was Joe's and Joe was hers. Here I was an unwanted third wheel, insignificant addition that meant nothing at the very core of their relationship. And yet, I felt a little sense of entitlement crept within me. I wanted to get a taste of how it was to be loved in return. Would Bella ever look at me- as more than a safe refuge or a gentle hand to guide her through?

I love this woman more than I could ever have the ability to express in words. No means of expression would be adequate enough to come close to how I felt about her. A single drop, just one breath of her love or affection would be sufficient for me; any scrap she threw my way would keep me going on.

Determination ran through my veins as I watched Bella in her dreamless sleep. Tomorrow would be another day, a new beginning for her hopefully towards the path of healing. I would try my best to make her feel that there were more reasons to live for, that her life meant more to a lot of people. Love would find a way even if it were a one way street. With every fiber of my being, I vowed to make her feel that she was and is loved, not only by Joe.

"Bella, this will be your room as long as you want to call this place home." I led her to my bedroom which with Sidney, Emmett and Lucy's help was transformed into Bella's bedroom. We moved some of her belongings in and moved mine down to the basement little room that I now call my sanctuary. It didn't put me out in the very least, for a bedroom to me only meant a place to hide away from it all.

"Oh my…you went through all this trouble for me?" Bella advanced in the bedroom with eager steps. Her thoughts were a mix of gratitude and sadness. I knew where she was coming from and I put a tentative hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeezed.

"Yes. I hope you will find yourself and some peace here."

"Thank you. How will I ever repay you for your kindness Edward?" Bella's eyes started brimming with tears and I took the chance to hold her in my arms. Everything felt right to me when I held her. This was how my perfect existence would be, a glimpse of dream come true.

"Get better and we're even." I whispered in her ear, relatively relieved that she let me hold her and she held onto me in return. Our bodies molded as one and the feeling left me reeling. One could only hope.

Kibi streaked out of the bathroom and rubbed his body on Bella's leg which startled her. A small smile finally broke out of her face while she broke free from my embrace to bend down and pick Kibi up.

"There you are my boy, I missed you so much." Bella whispered to Kibi's ears and the cat purred in apparent excitement, snuggling close to Bella's face as if everything that happened had been forgiven and forgotten.

"Let me leave you two to reunite. If there's anything that you need Bella, just let me know. I showed you where to find me. I will be two floors below you. If you are up to it, come watch us tonight." As I turned on my heels, I felt Bella's hand on my arm, tugging me to stop.

"Thank you Edward, I don't know what could've happened to me if you didn't show up in time. I owe you so much as it is already." She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I felt everything came alive with the touch of her lips on my skin.

"No thanks necessary. I did it because I care for you; I hope you know that…" I said the words out loud and almost ran out of her room without looking back, hoping that she didn't see right through me. I touched the spot where her lips were and glided to the basement, now my room and closed the door behind me where I pumped my fist with gladness. Bella's kiss no matter the reason behind it felt like heaven, the very place I never thought I would reach.

* * *

**A/N:** Is Edward finally daring to hope? Do you feel that things might start to shift between them? Could Bella easily turn away from her addiction?


	19. Chapter 19 The Time is Right

Let me just do a quick roll call of thanks here, EE, SK and Keye- three awesome ladies that helps keep this story real.

* * *

**Chapter 19: The Time is Right**

"Boss, can you spare a moment?" I heard Lucy's thoughts and her footsteps even before she poked her in the door of my newly converted basement-bedroom. The place lacked the lighting that my loft offered, comparing it to the drab and dreary darkness that the windowless basement room offered, but I wouldn't even think twice of offering my space to Bella again and again. The view of the city provided her with the much needed distraction and helped her pass the time when her loneliness was too much to bear.

"Sure Lucy, what's on your mind?" I smirked a little and gestured her to sit on the chair by my desk. I straightened myself in bed and leaned against the headboard as I removed the headphones from my ears.

Lucy looked at me, trying to gauge where she should start with her story. I knew what she wanted say and had already formed my opinion on the matter even before she spoke.

Lucy crossed her leg nervously and fidgeted a little which was one of her endearing qualities. At some point, she became a sister I never had. "Okay…so Em and I…" she began. "We are more than friends now." I rolled my eyes at her and mouthed the word, DUH.

"Tell me something I don't know Lucy," I answered with humor. How even the densest person could missed it? They were practically all over each other when work was not in the way.

Lucy snorted and gave me a little smile, looking very much like a person on cloud nine. "Well, I am attracted to Emmett in ways I could not even comprehend. I- I am in love with him." She said it in a bashful way that made me laugh. Unbeknownst to her, I knew that she was head over heels in love with Emmett. But of course, she'd never know that I already knew it.

"That's good isn't it?"

"Well yeah." She paused for a few seconds before she continued. "Emmett does not believe in secrets, that's what he told me. So he told me about his 'little' secret." Lucy chewed on her lower lip, still unsure how she would say it.

"Go on."

"He told me that he is a….gahhhh! This is hard, you might not even believe me." She lamented.

"Try me Lucy." I placated.

"He told me that he is a vampire." Lucy said the words so fast that any normal person would do a double-take and asked her to repeat what she had said.

"How do you feel about that?" I asked. Lucy looked at me questioningly, wondering why I didn't jump on my bed at her revelation. I responded with a smirk to her quiet stare.

"I don't know….in a way, I love it that he was upfront with me but I am scared boss. What will our relationship be like? I mean a vampire? How weird can it be?" Lucy brushed the bangs that covered her face when she shook her head.

"Well, it's not your normal boy-meets-girl type of deal. As far as your relationship, I see it that you have a good one. Emmett seemed to be smitten by you and that was something so obvious since day one. Weird yes, but don't all relationship have their own version of weird?"

"I know…we love each other very much. It didn't take me that long to realize that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Emmett said he doesn't take a human's blood at all and I believe him. I am just wondering if there'll ever come a time where our relationship would be compromised because of our difference."

"Your concerns are legitimate and can be answered by only you and Emmett, Lucy. If you feel you can't live without him then you have the answer in the palm of your hand already. The worst thing you can do for love is to deny it; so when you find that special someone, don't let anyone or anything get in your way. I read that somewhere and it makes a lot of sense don't you think?"

Lucy slowly nodded but her next question startled me because it came out of nowhere it wasn't even about her. "I can see that you aren't denying your feelings for Bella, but you haven't done anything to fight, your love for her, have you?"

The pair of hazel colored eyes intently watched me as I groped for an answer. My feelings were concrete and unwavering. They would be for the rest of time for I haven't felt this way for anyone ever before. "I guess in a way my feelings for her are transparent huh?" I finally answered Lucy with a question.

She nodded and I knew I had to say more. "I love her like I've never loved before and I am aware that my chances of getting Bella to even look at me, notice me is slim to none. I can never measure up to Joe. No man can. That is how it is and I have accepted it as fate wants to dictate it. All I want right now is for Bella to thrive and live her life as it was meant to be. I want her to cherish Joe and their memories together but not hang on to it." I sighed out of habit.

"Didn't you ever stop to think of the possibility that Bella might be meant for you too?" The question was too much to bear for I dared not hope. It was a luxury that even I, a vampire couldn't afford. I would die for that to happen, but that too was impossible. "After all, their story is over. Maybe, you are the next phase of her life. Who knows? You can't give up on her boss, you just can't."

Lucy didn't have to speak her mind. Her ideas had crossed my mind at one point but quickly brushed them aside, for fear of hoping. As far as I could see, Joe was still alive in Bella's mind. He was there and would always be. I didn't see me ever getting a chance to affect Bella in a way that Joe did.

"I don't know Lucy." Tantamount to keeping myself together was the fact that I didn't talk much about my feelings to keep me sane. It was all I could think of and talking about it makes it much more unbearable. "We were talking about you…"

"Wait, it just dawned on me that you weren't even appalled or moved by my revelation of what Emmett is…" Lucy looked at me with the question hanging in her mind. _Could I be one of them? _

I slowly nodded my head and did not make the slightest move, afraid to elicit fear from Lucy. Her heart rate started thudding so loud that I could hear her pulse was now racing to the point that it became almost deafening. I waited for Lucy to say something as her mouth opened, no sound came out, not even a squeak.

Her mind was rambling too with so many questions that I could understand was a by-product of her fear and inability to grasp the information given to her. _Will he eat me? Am I in the midst of Vampires? Sidney? Enrique? Duke maybe? Am I dead meat? Oh my God…please save me, if you do…I will…I will make sure that I go to mass every Sunday even if I have a hangover._

Lucy's hand slowly covered her gaping mouth but did not take her eyes away from me. She started tapping her both her feet on the floor nervously, wanting to scream. I could sense it and her thoughts were shouting it out.

"Why don't you ask your question Lucy? I won't bite." I couldn't help but hang my head at the poorly chosen word and her head whipped back upon hearing what I said.

"Boss…sho- should I-I be threatened? Am I in danger?" The words came out strangled, her breathing spiked even higher as she waited for me to respond. I shook my head several times before I spoke just to give some amount of reassurance.

"You were never in danger with us Lucy. If anything, we have been watching out for you and for the others that work with us. We are all vegetarians here. Human blood is not in our list of consumption. So please don't feel threatened by the knowledge of what we are."

As much as she wanted to totally place her trust in me, Lucy still had reservations which I respected. It was not an everyday occurrence that one would discover that she was in the midst of otherworldly creatures, beings that were considered dangerous, lethal and unforgiving in the matters of the blood.

"You never had the lust for anyone's blood?" She slowly asked after she calmed herself down. Lucy started fanning herself and I watched her with amusement. The thoughts kept pushing themselves in her head; it was almost comical listening to her silent but mad ramblings.

"Not in a very long time. We are talking decades here Lucy. Please rest assured that we mean to live among you peacefully."

"Th-th thanks boss." Lucy got up and scurried away like a scared cat without sparing any backward glance.

"I guess that went really well." I thought out loud as soon as I heard her footsteps ascending the stairs leading to the club.

"Hey boss, are you ready?" Emmett smiled when he saw me walk in the club an hour later. The bar would open its doors to our patron in an hour and we wanted to take some time to line up our songs and use the time to practice our music pieces together.

Sidney nodded at me knowingly._ I have some funny stuff I will tell you later._ I nodded back and answered Emmett who was busy polishing his already sharp and sparkling saxophone. "Yes I am." A vampire with OCD, now that made me chuckle out loud. Emmett narrowed his eyes while he looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Shall we?" I asked once I was seated on the piano bench and Emmett made himself comfortable on the bar stool before stealing a sideway glance in Lucy's direction who was talking on the phone. Smirking, I cleared my throat to get his attention.

* * *

********Hit the playlist please********

* * *

"Partners in Crime?"

"Oh yeah, I'm ready when you are boss." Emmett sounded eager when he answered which made me think if the title of the song we were about to play had another meaning for him. A second wasn't wasted in thoughts and I knew there was a deeper meaning to it because Emmett was silently thanking me for talking to Lucy without even knowing that I could hear every single thing that ran through his head.

I smirked before my fingers landed on the keys and started with the melody I knew by heart. I allowed my mind to drift this time while Emmett's saxophone joined in; we played the piece with ease and almost close to perfection. My eyes eventually shut themselves, giving myself a chance to relax and enjoy the rest of the piece. As the music drew to a close, I heard Bella's faint footsteps descending the stairs and I felt myself straighten on my seat, anticipating her entry to the club.

My head whipped to the direction of the door and within seconds, it opened and Bella came in. Her scent instantly caressed me and I found my fingers romancing the piano keys, every glide and curl of each digit were sensually stimulated, the way I felt the moment Bella appeared. I watched Bella walk over to the booth after she and Sidney exchanged brief pleasantries. She sat wearily, her face seemed drawn but spared me one smile before she leaned back and closed her eyes to listen.

"Island of a thousand dreams."

I was already tuned in on Bella's thoughts after giving Emmett the name of our next song in haste. Emmett smiled his confirmation and waited as I adlibbed the introduction. The whole time, my mind was reeling, Bella's presence always had an unexplainable effect on me. It was as if time stood still and she and I were the only people moving about, we were all that mattered. I tried to calm myself down and tried my best to appear nonchalant but Sidney's chuckles coming from the bar were a mocking gesture that was hard miss. He and I would have a word once our practice set was over. I was starting to act like a love sick puppy and Sidney dared to point it out.

**BPOV**:

They're playing now? I checked my wristwatch for the time, a little confused as to why the music was early, they weren't slated to play until two hours from now but who cares? Anything Edward played and sang was music to my battered senses. He has that calming effect that I found myself drawn to.

I pulled on my sweat pants and shirt, brushed the knotted portion of my hair and tied it into a haphazard bun. I couldn't wait to watch and listen to Edward closely. It had been a daily therapy for me, and in some manner it helped ease a lot of pain and worries away. The grief and the loneliness still lingered but when Edward's voice surrounded me, the ill-effects were momentarily pushed aside giving way to a sliver of hope. I did a quick check of myself in the mirror, I still didn't like the woman that stared back at me but at the very least, and she was living and trying to move on, just like Joe had wanted. I walked down the dimly lit staircase with an ache in my heart and I hastily swiped the tear that betrayed my resolve.

Living above Midnight Blue and being with the people that I had grown to like over the months that I had been a regular visitor of the club, dulled the daily hopelessness that I experienced each and every single minute of my waking hours.

"Hey Bella, glad to see you this evening. Shirley Temple right?" Sidney chuckled from the bar. He was a kind man who along with Edward and Lucy made it a point to make sure that I was always comfortable and not left without company for a long time.

"Hi Sid, nice to see you too. Yes, Shirley will do." I smiled my answer before I headed to the booth where I usually sat during my visits to the club. I lowered my weary body on the plush upholstery of the familiar space that I would hide in when I sought solace. The place still brought forth the same feeling of comfort, but another wave of forlorn and loneliness overcame me. This was my life, a daily grind just living and surviving.

I glanced at Edward's direction and found him staring at me. He offered a little smile that somehow warmed my heart knowing that I had good friends that cared for me. Edward had been at my side, comforting, giving his shoulders to cry on and taking initiative in directing me to the rightful path when any forward step seemed impossible to make. The smile that I offered in return, no matter how weak, touched my soul. He loved Joe as a friend.

I often wonder what went behind the close doors when they spoke to each other. What secrets could they be sharing that were not allowed to be spoken in my presence? It had been a puzzle all this time and I thought it would be nice to be given the green light to the nature of their secret that had been kept from me.

I closed my eyes and leaned back on the soft cushion and allowed my mind to wander. I set it free and hoped that one more time, bitter memory would make itself scarce. I let the music taunt me into releasing myself from the prison of grief and misery that I've been submerged in for a long time now. Edward's charismatic presence behind the piano and Emmett's romantic saxophone blended so well, lifting me up and taking me to a peaceful stupor. I sat there mesmerized and in awe of their music and how it affected me.

Edward…I thought about the man who had selflessly offered himself to me without asking for anything in return. What drove a man like him to be as generous of his time and his love? Love….the strong driving force behind a lot of things in this universe. They said it could move mountains, it could make the proudest of kings bend in defeat and it made people give more than what they expect in return.

I watched him with open admiration while he had his eyes closed. His pale white features glimmered in the darken room. The strong jaw that outlined his face stood perfectly proud and yet humble up close. His eyes when they looked at me could only solicit the idea that he was seeing into my very heart and soul. It felt like he could feel me. How could it be?

What was the reason behind his single status in life? Now that I thought about it, all this time that I knew him, I never stop to ask of him to share his own story. I was so caught up with my own affairs that I didn't even bother knowing the man who in numerous times had saved me from myself.

I watched him closely as the music kept playing in the background. I studied his features, the expression that crossed his face when a certain note was hit and the smile that tugged on the side of his mouth as he caressed the ivories with passion and ease. The errant emotion that followed caught me by surprise; the admiration that I felt was laced with an emotion that scared me.

Edward's eyes fluttered open and his gaze were fixed on me. Like he heard my thoughts, like he knew what I was feeling.

Oh no….

I almost stumbled as I got up in a hurry and scurried as fast as my legs could take me. Away from the confusing emotion that materialized out of nowhere. It had to be denied. It was not welcome and certainly would not be entertained. I closed the door behind me as firmly as my resolve. I felt my body shake with the weight of my determination and let myself collapse on my bed, feeling tired, weak and vulnerable. I buried my face in my hands and braced myself as the wave of unsolicited sentiments presented themselves to me.

I woke up to the sight of the horizon breaking into view with an intense pain and desire in the pit of my stomach. The wrenching sensation kept getting harder and harder as minutes ticked by. Beads of sweat started forming on my forehead and I felt the burning need to have a little drink. A strong desire urged me to take even just a tiny drop of alcohol to satiate my raging hunger. I wrapped my arms around me to brace myself from the ensuing pang of need that washed through me.

"_Golden slumbers kiss your eyes.__Smiles await you when you rise__.__Sleep pretty baby, do not cry__ a__nd I will sing a lullaby__."_

I recited a lullaby to lull myself back to sleep but the barrage of shakes continued their onslaught. The relentless throbbing in the pit of my stomach continued to hammer me with force_. _I could not ignore it. I gritted my teeth hoping that it would soon pass but the more I tried to kick the thoughts in the back of my mind, the more it taunted me. I felt hot tears rage down my face as I wrestled with the uncontrollable need and the shameful thought that my addiction was still very much a big part of me.

_Bella, one drink wouldn't hurt, you have been doing so well. A reward was in order._ I felt like the need to indulge the voice in my head. Perhaps, the voice was right. One little drink wouldn't be so bad…just a little sip and I could go back to bed and sleep my restlessness away.

I got out of bed and pulled the robe tighter around my body and slowly made my way out of my room as quietly as I could and onto the staircase leading to the bar. No one had to know. It'll be my own little, dirty secret. I poked my head out the door, darting my eyes across the room, scanning and getting the feel if any soul was still around. I tuned my ears and made sure that no one was there before I closed the door that separated the club from the stairwell.

I walked over to the bar with my bare feet barely grazing the floor in a hurry to get my fill of any alcohol that would satisfy my undeniable need for a drink. I took a bottle of Bourbon, the first bottle I got my hands on, grabbing a glass and hurriedly poured almost a glassful.

My hand shook as I eagerly brought the glass to my mouth to take a quick swig but a strong hand seized my wrist, preventing me from tasting the alcohol I have been dying to savor.

"Bella no!" Edward's voice rang in my ears as I looked up at his grim face staring back at me. "What are you doing to yourself?" The question was not a difficult one to answer.

"Edward, I need a little sip just to calm my nerves." I cried, feeling the lurching of my stomach as it pounded at me without mercy. His hand gripped my wrist a little tighter before he pried the glass out of my hand.

"No… I am not giving this to you. Your madness has to stop. I want to help you but you have to help yourself." He didn't mince his words and I felt myself cringe at the thought that I had been caught in a moment of weakness.

I tried to jerk away from him, feeling totally humiliated and exposed. I hated myself, I hated being alive and yet dead inside. "All I want is one drink…one…just one." I whispered to myself but Edward didn't let go of me, instead, he wrapped his arms around me and drew me closer to him.

"Bella…please let me help you." The statement made me cry harder. I had sunk to another low.

"I don't know what to do Edward. I don't know what to do with myself." My tears came down in torrents as I buried my face against his chest, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Edward stroked my back gently but his hold didn't ease. He held me for a long while, letting time pass until my tears were finally cried out.

"There is something I need to give you. I think this is the best time for you to have it." Edward sighed before he slowly took my hand and tugged on it. I wiped my face with the back of my hand before I lifted my eyes to focus on his face. "Trust me." He said before I let him lead me to the stairwell leading to his quarters.

We stepped inside his room where Edward urged me to sit but opted to remain standing as he walked over to his desk to retrieve a book. He fanned the pages and a white envelope popped out which he hurriedly took before heading back to where my feet were glued on the floor.

He assessed me for a few seconds before handing the envelope to me. I looked at him with a silent question that I couldn't verbalize, not entirely sure what this was all about.

"What is it?" My voice sounded morbidly weak but I ignored it, instead I watched him intently, waiting for a give-away that would tell me what the envelope was all about but none came. Edward's expression remained even, dead set on giving me only the answer that would matter.

"It's a letter from Joe, he asked me to give it to you when I felt the right time has come. I haven't got the slightest idea what's written in there."

"A letter from Joe?" I felt my body shiver at the mention of Joe's name, momentarily forgetting my immense craving to drink. A fresh set of tears found their way down my face as I tore open the envelope from my dear Joe.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, another cliffie. Ya know I can't help myself right? I think it'll be worth the wait. Can you sense a little shifting in Bella's way of thinking where Edward is concerned? Give me your thoughts on the chapter. Love it, like it, hate it?


	20. Chapter 20 The Right Path

Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, been busy rising to a challenge I stupidly imposed on myself. LOL

Thanks a bunch to EE for writing Joe's amazing letter- this has been a part of the plan when I discussed the story with her. And to SK and Keye- for taking time off their busy RL to get this chapter back to me at record time. *hugs to you ladies*

* * *

**Chapter 20: The Right Path**

_My Dearest Bella, My wife, my life…_

_How it hurts me to write this letter to you. My words of goodbye. I have struggled and fought so hard to stay with you my darling girl, but it is time to stop fighting. How it grieves me to leave you. I know I am going to a place of eternal light and an existence of no pain, yet I cannot fathom how I will be happy without you with me. I shall miss you so. From the day we met you have brought nothing but happiness and joy to my life. I could ask for nothing else but the look of love in your beautiful eyes when you looked at me or the joy of your welcoming smile. Our wonderful life together has been nothing short of perfection with the exception of being far too short._

_Be brave for me, for us, my darling girl. Know how much love and joy you and you alone brought into my life. I need you to carry on and live the life we had hoped to share together. See the dreams we dreamt together come to fruition. Travel and see the exciting places of the world. Meet people and laugh. Oh how I love to hear your sweet laughter. Do not let my passing quiet that joyful sound forever. Use that inner strength I know you possess and live for both of us. _

_Please my darling Bella, do not allow your soul to die along with my body. I will still live in spirit and in your memories. You are far too wonderful a woman to allow yourself to wither away alone. Allow your heart the time it needs to heal and then once again allow it to live and to love. You have far too many wonderful qualities and far too much love to give not to share it with another person. I know you are horrified that I am suggesting this to you but it is what I want for you my love. To be happy again. It truly is my greatest wish and I want you to remember that when the time comes. Because it will my Bella. You are meant to be loved, to be cherished and when it arrives I want you to seize it with both hands and do whatever you can to hold onto it. _

_I was wrong my girl, this is not goodbye; it is simply 'til I see you again. Remember the good, forget the pain and the bad. Remember you were what held me to this earth for so long and that I will wait for you._

_Live your life. That is the best way to honor mine. _

_I love you Bella_

_For all time…._

_Joe_

* * *

_** Time to play the song, playlist is posted on my profile **  
_

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,  
and think of you  
caught up in circles confusion-  
is nothing new  
Flashback-warm nights-  
almost left behind  
suitcases of memories,  
time after-

sometimes you picture me-  
I'm walking too far ahead  
you're calling to me, I can't hear  
what you've said-  
Then you say-go slow-  
I fall behind-  
the second hand unwinds

chorus:  
if you're lost you can look-and you will find me  
time after time  
if you fall I will catch you-I'll be waiting  
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has  
turned to gray  
watching through windows-you're wondering  
if I'm OK  
secrets stolen from deep inside  
the drum beats out of time-

chorus:  
if you're lost...

you said go slow-  
I fall behind  
the second hand unwinds-

chorus:  
if you're lost...  
...time after time  
time after time  
time after time  
time after time

* * *

Time suspended all movements around me or so it seemed while my mind was fully wrapped up in Joe's memory after rereading the letter that he had lovingly written, over and over. Each breath hitched with his every claim of how he loved me and how much he hurt to be away from me. I clutched the letter close to my heart after I felt with a degree of certainty that I could recite what he wrote, knowing, feeling and memorizing each line by heart.

Tears had nowhere to go but out as they poured down my fevered face, feeling my loss all over again. Damn it! Why couldn't there be another way for us to be together forever? Was our love supposed to end this way, too soon? Was there more to my life now that Joe was gone? A reason to go on? The questions lingered…but Joe's words echoed in my head, fighting to be heard.

_Meet people and laugh. Oh how I love to hear your sweet laughter. Do not let my passing quiet that joyful sound forever. Use that inner strength I know you possess and live for both of us. _How could I? Did Joe really believe that I was ever capable of smiling again, without him?

_You are meant to be loved, to be cherished and when it arrives I want you to seize it with both hands and do whatever you can to hold onto it. _It hurt to think that Joe thought it was possible for me to fall in love again, to be with another man? It felt like I could love no other….

I sat in the room that I called mine for the last two weeks, oblivious to everything around me until I saw a movement from the doorway. I had forgotten that Edward was still in the room, waiting and watching me unravel. I turned my face to look at him with beseeching eyes. I needed him to hold me, to help ease the sorrows away. I had nothing and no one to turn to.

As if he read my mind, he walked over to the edge of the bed and sat by my side. He didn't say a word; instead, he placed a comforting arm around my shoulders and drew me close to him.

"Bella, I know for sure that Joe wanted you to be happy. It's about time that you celebrate his life and start living your own. That is what he would've wanted for you. Live Bella and try to find happiness and know that Joe is at peace with his death." These words were meant to bring solace to me. I found myself fiercely clinging to Edward as tears streamed relentlessly down my already sodden face.

Edward patiently waited and continually stroked my hair as I emptied my tears out. I had no idea how long he held me. He just held me and said nothing else.

"Thank you," I finally found my voice. I wiped the remaining tears away and looked up to him. His eyes spoke kindness and understanding.

"Bella, please don't thank me. All I want from you is to try to find ways to get your life back together. That is what Joe and I want. That is all I can ask for." He brushed his lips on my hair before he abruptly got up, as if he'd done something wrong.

"Edward, don't…go…"

"Bella…."

"I need you to hold me…" Words tumbled out of my mouth which momentarily paralyzed me. How could I ask another man to keep holding me?

"Sshh Bella. It's okay, I'm here for you."

Edward sounded as if he knew what I needed…and wanted. He wrapped his arms around me again and the familiar comfort of his embrace enveloped me. I rested my head on his chest and looked at the letter in my hand. My Joe…still thinking of me…and I, of him.

"Bella, would you like to visit Joe? I know that you haven't able to in the past few weeks." His question was timely for I was thinking the same thing. Something in me ached to see Joe, to be with him.

"Yes."

We stepped out in the chilly morning air while the whole city was waking up to a new day. The early morning sun was slowly peeking from the horizon as spring was upon us. The trees were budding, the birds were happily chirping and while the days were getting longer, the fact that struck me was the reality that Joe had been gone for six months. Time had played tricks on me for it felt like I was just holding Joe's hand yesterday.

Edward and I walked side by side, we had 10 blocks to cover and we did so in a leisurely fashion. He would occasionally hold my elbow to guide me through foot traffic and would immediately slip his hands back in his pocket as soon as we freed ourselves from the mazes of bodies that defined New York City on a busy morning.

The walk gave me the respite that my body sought. It felt liberating to be out and breathe the fresh air, to feel the sunshine on my face and to finally see Joe. The thought brought an added spring to my steps as we made our way passed the gates of the cemetery. As expected, the place was deserted. Edward and I walked through the lines of headstones, gravestones and mausoleums before we made it to Joe.

My heart ached when I noticed some errant weeds growing from the side of his headstone. I had neglected the upkeep of his final resting place. I was too wrapped up in my own misery that I failed to take care of who was dear to me.

"Bella, I will call a company to service Joe's plot regularly. They will do the routine clean up, weeding, polishing of the headstone and inscriptions."

How could he constantly know what I wanted and needed? I nodded my head slowly, still feeling the nagging guilt for overlooking my basic responsibility. Something told me at that very moment that there was a message that was being given to me, if I only knew what it was.

I knelt down on the damp grass while Edward stood behind me. I could feel the weight of his stare even if he didn't say anything. I looked at every letter on Joe's headstone_. Joseph Ryan Davis. February 12, 1980- December 16, 2010. Beloved Husband, Friend and Soul mate._

I couldn't remember how I started talking but when I started, there was no stopping me. It all spilled out in torrents, it felt like I held them bottled up long enough. It felt like a release, a weight had been lifted from my heart, the cloud that had been hovering above me started to wear off.

"Joe honey, I miss you so much. God…you have no idea how much. My life stopped…everything around me hold no appeal. I can't make sense of anything since you left me. There is nothing I can do to pick myself up. There is nothing to live for…I can't breathe without you. I don't know how to go on with my life without you; we are tied together, like how it should be…. It feels like I've been robbed of the only happiness in my life. I feel cheated out of life when I wake up in the morning knowing you won't be there next to me. I've gone off the deep end. I lost myself. I know you won't be proud of what I am turning out to be. I am ashamed that I can't be the woman you thought so highly of.

"I am not the perfect woman you think and believed I am. I've been so lost Joe….totally lost until I got your letter this morning. You sent it to me just in time when I felt that my life was already slipping away. You had someone who truly cared for us to deliver your lasting legacy. Your undying devotion to me is what brought me here today. This is still not a goodbye, I don't think I can ever say goodbye to you because I know that we will see each other again. I am here right now because I finally realized that I still have to fulfill my destiny, continue what fate had bestowed on us and see what lays in store for me. You have a way of telling me when enough is enough, and you found a guardian angel in Edward. Only you can tell who is a good soul Joe. Your message is clear. I will try to live…for you.

Joe, I love you…so much that thinking of you hurts…it hurts deeply. I love you more than words can ever express. I don't think I will ever stop loving you…but I know now that I have to go on and celebrate the life and love that we have shared. Rest my love…I know that I will see you someday."

Somehow, after I got everything off my chest, it felt different. I felt different. A weight had finally eased off my chest. Edward took my hand and helped me to my feet. No words were needed as we left the cemetery in silence. He didn't let go of my hand and I found no reason to let go either.

* * *

**A/N:** Not a very long chapter right? I didn't want to tackle a lot of other topics here, instead, I wanted to focus on the letter and Bella's reaction to it. Hopefully, it will get her to the path of recovery. The end sounded promising right?

Well, you know what I want right? I would love to hear what you think of the letter. How about the song? That is one of my favorite song from the 80's. Thanks and please don't forget to leave me a comment.


	21. Chapter 21 A Ray of Hope

**Chapter 21: A Ray of Hope**

**EPOV:**

I had no idea what Joe's letter contained, but listening to Bella as she recounted the details over and over again gave me a clear picture of what Joe had written. He had asked Bella to live. To live.

That was all I wanted for Bella.

I thanked Joe in silence for making Bella see the light. Life had to go on despite his absence. I could see Bella wrestling with the truth. He was an incredibly remarkable man who truly loved his wife. Bella made good with her promise for the next several weeks. She tried to come out more and most importantly, smiled a bit more.

When I brought up the delicate topic of attending AA meeting one day, her shoulders sagged momentarily when she looked up at me. Her eyes full of questions.

"You really think it could help me?" She asked, putting her book down and sitting up on her bed. She unconsciously fixed her hair, tucking some stray strands behind her ear. Color started appearing on her once gaunt cheeks, her appearance had changed for the better. The circles under her eyes were almost non-existent, replaced by a little glow.

I nodded. "I really do. If you decide to attend, do you want me to come with you?" I asked tentatively, not wanting to push her if she wasn't ready.

She thought for a moment, her mind filled with concern. Would people judge her? Would they make her tell her life story which was the cause of her reluctance, having to live through her nightmare again? Her fears, shame and guilt tore through her as she wrestled with my offer. I realized this would happen, the woman I spoke with told me that people dealing with alcoholism were expected to dread exposing their weaknesses in public. Acceptance would be the key.

I continued to watch Bella wrestle with her emotions as I stood in the doorway. I have the tendency to give Bella enough room to move. Crowding her might push her away. It was like threading between two extremes; I simply had to find the middle ground, where I could draw her out and let her take the rest of the way in her own way.

"Will you go with me?" Her question filled me with hope.

"Yes, every single time you go." I replied to quickly, unable to mask the relief in my voice. I walked toward Bella's direction and sat on the chair facing her bed.

"Okay…I guess I can give it a try."

"Good, do you want me to give the counselor your name and tell her you're coming?"

"I'll do it." Bella said.

It was the first step on her road to recovery, acceptance and willingness to put herself out there. 90 days and 90 meetings, also known as 90-90. It sounded too stringent for many people but Bella and I went to every meeting, and she took it a day at a time. One day at a time was enough for her to carry on and continue her path to sobriety.

"My name is Bella Davis and I am an alcoholic." The words made her cringe when she uttered them but I beamed with pride as I squeezed her hand. She took the first and most difficult step with her acknowledgement and I knew then that she would be okay.

It was a major change from her daily routine. It changed her outlook slowly and I watched as the subtle changes began to emerge, little by little. She continued with her medication while we provided her with company to get her mind off her misery at first. Lucy, Emmett, Sidney and the entire crew at Midnight Blue pitched in.

To say that it came easy was laughable. I watched Bella struggle through those 90 days. She seesawed back and forth between acceptance, doubt, withdrawal and determination. I held her hand during her moments of weakness, when I sensed her closing in on a road block. Bella took it in strides, identifying and accepting her weakness. We took baby steps, little ones that might appear insignificant to some people.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Midnight Blue. My name is Edward Cullen and together with Emmett McCarthy, we will provide your entertainment tonight. As usual, after our segment, we are open to play any song you request. Also, please say hello to the newest member of our family, Bella Davis."

I saw Bella squirm a little from her post when people started looking around for her, before she reluctantly raised her hand and waved to everyone's applause. She threw me a glare before she resumed helping a customer locate an empty booth. I laughed a little before the lights dimmed and Emmett started to adlib the melody of _I'm waiting for you_ after which we followed up with _Take a look at me now._

My fingers pounded on the ivories with renewed hope. I felt the energy course through my veins as I watched Bella covertly. She had changed so much, and this time, it seemed like it was for the better. I saw Sidney chuckling to himself from the corner of my eye. He knew how I felt for Bella and he shared my triumph.

_It's all good my man._ He spoke to me quietly and I dipped my head in response. We played our line-up non-stop until it was time to take a brief break before we start playing the requested songs. As the lights came back on and a jazz tune came on the speakers, Emmett jumped in excitement after replacing his saxophone the stand and hurried in Lucy's direction.

I walked down from the stage and headed to the bar where a glass of Lagavulin and a grinning Sidney awaited me. I took a seat on the last barstool at the end of the bar before downing the drink in one fast motion. People around me were oblivious to anything but having a good time and listening to the music. It was electrifying to say the least. Everything seemed to be lining up in place, including my Bella.

I watched her as she stood behind the hostess table while she greeted bar patrons with a welcoming smile and obvious enthusiasm.

"Hey boss, cut that stupid smile a notch will ya? You look like a fool." Sidney chuckled from behind the bar right in front of me. I threw him a dirty look in which he raised both his hands up in mock surrender. "Just sayin', just sayin'." He quipped.

I spent the remainder of our 15 minute break watching Bella, immersed in her thoughts of loving what she was doing now. It was a breath of fresh air, to hear her think of more pleasant thoughts now which had replaced the hopeless and morbid feelings she had before.

"The first requested song we are going to play tonight is a request from…" Emmett turned his head in Bella's direction before he mentioned her name. "Bella Davis. She wants us to play _Piano in the dark._" Emmett smiled knowingly at me before he adjusted his saxophone into his mouth and waited for my cue. I couldn't help myself when I turned my microphone on to add, "This is for you Bella." And ripples of applause echoed inside the standing room only lounge.

**~~~~Time to listen to the playlist you can find on my profile~~~~**

_When I find myself watching the time_  
_I never think about all the funny things you said_  
_I feel like it's dead_  
_Where is it leading me now_

_I turn around in the still of the room_  
_Knowing this is when I'm gonna make my move_  
_Can't wait any longer_  
_And I'm feeling stronger but oh_

_Just as I walk through the door_  
_I can feel your emotion_  
_It's pullin' me back_  
_Back to love you_

_I know I'm caught up in the middle_  
_I cry just a little_  
_When I think of letting go_  
_Oh no, gave up on the riddle_  
_I cry just a little_  
_When he plays piano in the dark_

_He holds me close like a thief of the heart_  
_He plays a melody_  
_Born to tear me all apart_  
_The silence is broken_  
_And no words are spoken but oh_

_Just as I walk through the door_  
_I can feel your emotion_  
_It's pullin' me back_  
_Back to love you_

_I know I'm caught up in the middle_  
_I cry just a little_  
_When I think of letting go_  
_Oh no, gave up on the riddle_  
_I cry just a little_  
_When he plays piano in the dark._

"Would you like to visit Joe in the morning?" I had asked Bella as soon as Sidney and the rest of the crew left. We were getting ready to call it a night. I glanced at Bella from across the booth where she was sitting with her shoes off her feet, feeling the aches of being on her feet all evening.

"Thanks. That would be nice." Bella answered, a little smile grazing her lovely face.

"You're welcome."

It had been almost a year after her AA graduation. She had been clean and sober and mostly, contented. I knew it was just a matter of time before she told me what I dreaded to hear but otherwise had no control of. My gaze didn't waver as I waited for her to voice out what she had in mind.

"I…um…don't mean to sound ungrateful for everything you have done for me Edward. But I think it's time for me to go…be on my own." Bella said in a little voice that shook. Her eyes met mine.

"I understand."

"But…I still want to work here if you don't mind…" Uncertainty crept in her voice.

"Of course I don't mind Bella. There's nothing I want more in this world but to see you every day." There, it was all out in the open. I couldn't hold it any longer.

Hearing what she tried to deliberate in her mind was nearly comical as the expressions that crossed her face. The sudden racing of her pulse and the erratic jerk of her heart beat gave me a slight bit of hope. Need I dare to act on it?

_It has been almost two years. I still miss Joe like crazy, it is still painful to think about him but I must move on as he wanted me to. Is this right? Should I let someone in? Is it fair to Joe and…Edward? God, what could he be thinking right now? Oh my…those eyes! The way they looked at me, as if he can read my mind._ Bella's thoughts grilled my mind. I wanted to believe fervently that there was hope for me, for us.

"You do?" her question came out sounding as unsure as she felt.

"More than anything." Emboldened, I slowly moved my hands on the table and rested them on top of her hands. She didn't pull her hands away as I expected she would, instead, Bella turned her hand upward and squeezed mine.

I have always been careful with my actions around her, fearing that any display of unwanted or even unexpected affection might drive her away. Be it as it may, I allowed my instincts take over this time, hoping that Bella wouldn't push me away. I stood up slowly, conscious of what she was thinking and carefully reading into her body language as I moved around the table and sat next to her.

Bella's reaction was to move aside to give me enough room_. Wow,_ I thought eagerly.

"I've been dying to do this Bella," I said before my fingers came up to touch her chin and tilted her to face me. Her eyes grew by a fraction as I lowered my mouth onto hers. I kissed her gently on her lips waiting for her to push me away. Instead, I felt her mouth quiver and respond by kissing me back. Both my hands cupped her face before she turned her body to me while we continued our kiss. Happiness swirled around me.

After a minute of exploring each other tentatively, Bella gently pushed me to catch some air as color started rising up her cheeks and face. I watched her squirm in discomfort but I gave her space. I remained close to her, our bodies still touching. She tried to look away but I held her face, letting her feel that I wanted her.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, smiling at her and savoring the taste of her mouth.

"Yes, I…" she stuttered, exactly at loss for words. Blinking, she looked up to me and she smiled despite her embarrassment.

"Is it okay that I kissed you?" I asked even though I knew her answer already, just by listening to her heart jamming against her ribcage. It was music to my ears.

"Yes…" More color flooded her face and her body arched closer.

Oh Lord! If this was how people who'd won the lottery felt, then I should be counted as the biggest winner. I felt my body shudder at her proximity.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

My mouth descended on hers without waiting for her answer. This time, it was a hungry kiss. It felt like all the urges I stifled all these years came flooding out, without mercy. My tongue darted hungrily inside her mouth to start probing and hers answered with equal intensity and passion.

I placed my hand in the small of her back until her body molded into mine and her hands found their way around my waist, feeling the warmth of Bella's body clashed against my cold body. The kiss lasted longer this time, with more emotions and desire written across our faces by the time it ended.

* * *

**A/N: ** I hope the chapter was satisfying enough. I did promise better days right? Like it? Love it? Hate it? I want to hear it. Please leave me some love before you go. I just want to make sure that you know that we only have a few chapters left. I won't give any hints but will answer your questions as long as it won't ruin the ending for everyone else.

Just a quick thanks to EE for being such a trooper and getting this chapter back to me even if she had difficulty typing with one arm being in a sling. Thanks BB, you know you're awesome. Thanks to SK and Keye for getting the chapters back to me in record time. What will I do without you? lol

Thanks to all who have taken this journey with me from the very beginning. You know who you are and I'm grateful for that.


	22. Chapter 22 I Believe in Magic

**Chapter 22: I Believed in Magic**

**BPOV:**

Our first kiss…it took me by surprise. A whirlwind of emotions ruptured within me when our lips met. Not surprisingly though that it had started with guilt. I felt an intense deluge of shame washed through me when I found myself responding with eagerness and desire.

Desire? Yes, my desire for Edward's touch surprised me and my response to his kiss, even more. I felt like a traitor to Joe's memory for wanting and enjoying the kiss.

Shock came settling down on me too, because I wanted more. His touch lit something that I thought had been long dead deep within. The light I thought had long been extinguished suddenly sparked, alive, anew. It was his touch that set me ablaze, smoldered within me to awaken, and it felt damn good. I had no idea where my responses came from, but it quelled the fear that I didn't have what it took to look at another man again. Baby steps- as long as I was headed to the right direction.

Joe asked for me to live my life to the fullest. Was this what he had in mind? Should I resist these new feelings? There hadn't been a lot of spoken words between Edward and myself. I could feel that he was still holding back for whatever reason, and I had every intention to find out why.

Joe, my Joe had been gone for two years. Two dark years of my life had gone into thin air. I missed him terribly. Still do. It was like how a flower misses the rain in the summer. It felt like he'd been gone forever, the ticking of time had been awfully slow. A day hadn't gone by that I didn't wish he was still around, talking to me, holding me and loving me.

But then…there was Edward.

"A penny for your thoughts," Edward smiled from across the table where we had been meeting for breakfast and every meal thereafter for the last month.

I smiled at him feeling mortified at being caught daydreaming. I raised my cup to my mouth and I looked at him from the rim of my coffee cup, the steam rising from the cup blurring the space between us. It felt like he knew what exactly what I was thinking.

"I was just…thinking."

I replied after setting the coffee cup on the table. As usual, Edward wore the grin that I had been getting used to, as he waited for me to go on. When I didn't speak right away, he lifted an eyebrow and reached out for my hand. A simple gesture that made my heart leap. Looking at his face from across the table caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach. A juvenile emotion I never thought I'd ever feel again, but somehow…here I was feeling the odd, giggly feeling and living again.

"I…ah…"

I fervently wanted to lie, to tell him that I was thinking of my impending move. Today was the day I was to move out of his loft, and into my own apartment.

"Bella, you know you can tell me anything," he implored, his golden hued eyes were staring at me like I was the only thing that mattered to him.

"I was just thinking of our kiss."

Pink inevitably rose up to my cheeks feeling the burning under his gaze, unable to meet his eyes. It felt like I had just admitted to a crime. I couldn't even imagine how empty my life was since Joe left, and now that Edward was with me, it felt right. It felt like I was a part of something special again.

"As I am," his response was spoken softly. "I really don't want you to go, Bella. I want you to stay with me. Here, where I can take care of you. But I understand that you need your space."

There was a flash of profound sadness that registered ever so briefly in this face but he masked the expression so fast like it hadn't even occurred.

"I don't want to take advantage of you anymore than I already have-"

"I want you to take advantage of me…that's the only way I can see you all the time." Edward hadn't spoken much about how he felt about me. Our morning ritual of coffee which usually stretches out to lunch was all a part of a routine now. Our walks in the park, visits to Joe's grave were a part of our morning daily schedule. There were still so many questions I wanted to ask, but I believe we had all the time in the world.

"I think this is something I should do Edward, for me… but I want to see more of you…"

Heat made its way up my cheeks again when he looked at me and took my hand and held it firmly, as if reaffirming to himself that my moving out was a positive thing.

"I'd like that," Edward said after a moment. His intense gaze burned right through me, and I couldn't say it enough, the man had a way of knowing what I was thinking. Disconcerting as it was at times, it made me feel that words were sometimes unnecessary. Our silence was comfortable, I felt safe around him, like I found my second home.

"I—I ahh…" I lost my train of thought looking just by looking at his eyes.

"You, um…want me to kiss you?" he asked in a sheepish way almost.

I bit my lip to keep from answering right away. The loud thudding of my heart against my ribs was impossible to miss, at this point; I was ready to believe that Edward could hear it too. I looked at him through my lashes, feeling the impossible surge of excitement and anticipation raging within me. I nodded once…twice, just in case he didn't see my head bob the first time.

Instead of reaching across the table for me, Edward unfolded his legs from under him and moved around the booth to sit next to me. Tilting his head to look at me with my hair partially hiding my face, he took my chin with a gentle and steady hand, but I chose to close my eyes, not too crazy about him seeing how much I wanted him. If he was trying to read my expression, I wouldn't know. Everything around us stood still, or so it seemed. The quiet of the early morning bustle outside was muffled by the beating of my heart, the anticipation of feeling his mouth on mine again, grew stronger by the ticking seconds. I held my breath but hung my head in an angle waiting for him to take me.

I felt his hand eased onto my back, his palm landing on my waist to draw me closer to him until his face was a mere inch from mine. I opened my eyes just when his mouth descended on mine. I hadn't expected the jolt of electricity that ran right through me when our mouth connected. The bells in my head started ringing as if singing Hallelujah.

Emboldened by the hunger I could trace from his mouth, I fished my tongue in, exploring more of what he had to offer. This was different, Edward felt different, in a good way. There was no telling why I thought of him that way…like he was…I couldn't put it into words and I really didn't want to. All I wanted was to keep kissing the man before me. I wound my hands around his neck, clasping them together as I drew him closer to me, if it was even possible.

Edward kissed with passion, with deep longing, and with an intensity of a river of suppressed emotions that has been unleashed, but through it all, he kissed with gentleness and what felt like reverence. The thought made me want him more- thinking beyond where we were at the moment. An intense deluge of sinful pictures of what we could do together flickered in my mind which I quickly dispelled.

I saw his eyes widened infinitesimally seeming like he heard what I was thinking- as if I had spoken the desire out loud. I briefly stopped in embarrassment but his hand rubbed my back to relax me, urging me in silence to continue kissing him.

After I pushed him slightly because I required some air, he let go of my mouth with a smile. Feeling breathless, I tried catching my breath while Edward held my gaze. Eyes are the mirror to one's soul, if this was correct- the eyes that held mine showed the burning desire that reflected my own.

"I love the feel of your mouth on mine," he whispered, nuzzling his mouth on the top of my head. It was a statement that didn't require an answer. I would have loved to respond but my body wouldn't stop shivering under his touch.

"Bella, is everything alright?" I heard him ask, the tone of his voice was laced with worry.

"I—I'm fine…it's just…why do you feel cold? Your hands and your body feel like ice. Are you alright?" I asked.

The sudden change in his expression was noticeable when he suddenly moved away- leaving a wide space in between us. Have I done or said anything wrong? He winced as if in pain.

"Edward, what is it?" Bewildered, I scooted closer to him. "Are you sick?" A blanket of fear clawed at me like sharp talons. My fear of losing a loved one resurfaced and all I could do was shudder with fear, tears started brimming in my eyes.

"I'm okay, there's nothing wrong with me." He said softly and his hand moved to my face and wiped each tear one by one with his finger. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable Bella." he said after he stopped touching my face. "It's my normal body temperature- don't worry please."

I searched his face through my undaunted tears for any indication that would prove he was lying to me. For Christ sake Bella, why would the man lie to you? Yeah, because he knows I've been through hell and back after losing Joe, that's why! I felt utterly disgusted with my inner monologue, this wasn't right. "Edward, you are telling the truth right?" I said in a small voice, afraid he might hesitate with his answer.

"I'm fine Bella, healthy as a horse. One of these days, there is something I will tell you about me-" I cut him off.

"Can't you tell me now?" I pleaded.

"It's not a conversation piece meant for a time like this."

If there was something he was hiding from me, I wanted to know right away. What's the point in being with someone if they have secrets? Not the foundation you wished to build on. He looked down at his hand that was resting on his lap.

"Exactly what time is _this_?" I pushed.

Edward raised his eyes to meet mine before he spoke. "I will tell you when the right time comes."

As baffled as I was, I let it go. I let my silence be my answer. None of it mattered as long as he was okay. I breathed a sigh of relief, that path I wouldn't want to cross again. I placed my hand on top of his and he looked at me after a few long minutes.

"I haven't even asked you out on a date yet," he said in a low voice, as if he didn't know how to ask, like this was something he hadn't done before. It was almost like pulling teeth. I couldn't help but smile at his expectant face.

"I want to go out with you," I answered faster than I intended to. The words spilled from my mouth before I had a chance to think about it.

"Tonight?" A small smile lit his somber face. "I can help you move in the morning."

"Sounds good. I'll be ready at seven o'clock."

The prospect of going out with Edward was terribly exciting; this night being our first date, there were no expectations, everything would be brand new for us as far as getting to know each other. It was the thought of how it would turn out that accompanied me the rest of the day while I started packing the rest of my stuff for my move and got ready for my _date _soon after. It had been too long since I last went out on some sort of a date. In fact the very last one was here in this club when Joe and I came to see Edward play. _Oh God, please keep me leveled. Make me strong- give me the wisdom to last the night without thinking of Joe. Edward deserves this and I want to give him a chance…this is for me too. _I said a little prayer in my over and over again.

**EPOV:**

Who would have expected the sudden turn of events? Bella was going to go out with me, on a date! The idea alone elicited shivers travelling up and down my spine, but the picture of her leaving soon and the fact that I have to tell her what I was made me want to run away.

The idea didn't get me all too excited to do it. God knows how she'd react, or what she would do with that piece of information. It's not every day you tell the woman you love that you're a vampire! What would a rational person do with that type of information? If Bella opted to run away, there was no way I would stop her. If she asked me to leave- that would be a tough request to grant. It would be impossible to build a relationship with her if it were based on lies, better to tell her earlier instead of later. But for now, I would try to enjoy the little time that fate had afforded me.

"Hey boss, what's happening?" Sidney regarded me for a few seconds, looking at my dressy attire and smirked. "Where are you taking _her_?"

Sidney cracked the little happy bubble I surrounded myself with all day. I found myself all dressed up and ready to go long before we agreed to go. He shook his head with a smile meant to annoy me. Handing me a glass containing my favorite scotch, he watched me as I downed the drink in one quick swill and pushed my glass for another one. He was still waiting for an answer. I glanced to the front of the room where some patrons were already piling in the club; the one's vying to get a good seat, the closer to the stage they could get, the better.

Sidney poured my next drink without taking his eyes off me, and the annoying smile still lingered in his face.

"I'm taking her out to dinner and…well…I don't know what we'll do after. I guess it depends on what she feels like doing." I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling the like time was moving ever so slowly, worse than a snail even. I glanced at my watch, nine more minutes.

"Awesome!" Sidney said as he came back with another glass of Lagavulin, this time, the glass was almost filled to the brim. Funny, others would seek comfort in the physical effects of alcohol, to numb their pain or dull their aches but I go for the psychological effect, even if in reality, it couldn't dull and numb anything I felt. I looked at the liquid dancing inside the glass and took a big gulp. "Are you nervous?" Sidney asked.

I nodded, "A little, I guess." I glanced at my watch again. One more minute.

"The only thing you must worry about is how much fun you're going to have. Ease up Ed, ease up." He said, returning his attention to the glass he'd been stacking when I came in.

"No worries man, I'll see you later then." Sidney pumped his fist in the air before he took an order from a customer. I turned and walked over to the door leading up to the loft.

Good thing I had the night off, Emmett was more than capable of running the show and with Enrique's help- they were good to go.

"Are you comfortable?" I reached for Bella's hand across the back seat of the rented limousine. With the car coming with a driver, I figured I could give concentrate on Bella all night without having to trouble myself with parking and all the little things. Owning a car in the city was not advisable because of the parking situation- most people would rather go for the rail, the taxi or going by foot, me included. Taking my motorcycle on a date wasn't a good idea either. Although the thought of having Bella's arms around my waist was rather tempting, it wasn't an ideal way to take the woman you love out on the first date. Maybe another day.

"Yes, thank you." Bella smiled at me, looking as beautiful as ever. The bags under her eyes had long disappeared and a natural glow replaced the sunken and sullen look that I had gotten so familiar with. She seemed content and peaceful with her lot. Bella had survived her loss and she was now facing life like the strong trooper that she was.

"You're welcome. Hungry?"

"Actually I am," Bella laughed.

"I made a reservation at La Grenouille, if that's alright."

"How did you manage that? Aren't they an exclusive restaurant?" Bella's eyes widened as she waited for my answer.

"Let's say, I know the manager of the restaurant. He's a regular at the Blue." I smiled, knowing exactly what Bella was thinking. The expense, knowing how terribly posh the restaurant was, frequented by socialites, actors and the likes of who's who in NYC.

"I don't want you spending so much just for dinner Ed-"

"Bella, do it as a favor to me. I hardly go out. Heck, this is my first dinner date…" I stopped myself before I add- _my first dinner date ever_. "…In a long time."

Bella gave me a sideways glance, she obviously caught my little cover-up, but she said nothing right away. Instead, she looked out the window to enjoy the sights and sounds of the city that never _sleeps_.

"I still think you shouldn't waste your money on such extravagant dinner. I will be okay with any hole in the wall restaurant, as long we're toge-"

This seems to be the night of not completing sentences or thoughts. I knew what she wanted to say and I smiled at her instead.

"Humor me. I only want the best for our _first_ date," I finally said.

Dinner was more than delightful. Gilbert arranged a course sampler for us- a surprise meal prepared by their master chef. The selection was nothing that could be found in the menu, and I was very pleased that Bella ate to her heart's content although it tasted like plastic to me. I ate whatever she ate, from the Escargot, Oxtail, Frogs legs and what have you, stuff that I never thought of ingesting, ever. I figured I would just worry about the ramifications later. It wasn't revolting at all; it just wasn't my type of meal. But seeing Bella enjoy every offering the kitchen brought made eating plastic worthwhile.

Our conversation was light and easy, we talked about hobbies and things that we liked to do to occupy our time. Mostly, I tried to steer the topic where Bella would share more of herself. It was a breath of fresh air to see her talking animatedly for the first time. There were so many things I learned about her in one night.

"How about you Edward, aside from the Blue, what else do you do?" Bella asked as we were finishing up with our chocolate soufflé.

"That's basically _it_ for me." I stated plainly. I had no idea how I could make myself sound more interesting. How could I tell her that pining for her was a hobby of mine?

"Well, for whatever its worth, Midnight Blue is the best place I've been when it came to music and service. You and your staff are wonderful."

"Thank you. MB is my pride and joy, as you already know. The staff is like family to me."

"Did I ever tell you that I've always wanted to learn how to play the piano?" When I shook my head, Bella smiled and continued. The soft glow of the candle on our table lent a wonderful willowy glimmer on her face. "Well, I took some lesson as a child but when my mother died, I stopped and haven't had the chance to try again."

It's amazing that apart from Joe, I never knew anything about Bella's family, where she came from and where she grew up. This night was proving more magical than I expected. I've learned so much about the woman I love- and everything I found about her endeared her closer to my unbeating heart.

"Why don't I teach you how to play the piano then?"

Bella's eyes lit like a Christmas tree, and it was the best gift ever for me.

"Really? You really would teach me?" She almost jumped out of her seat, well she did it in a more demure way which was to get up and walked over to my side of the table to give me a peck on the cheek, and walk a few steps back to her seat.

"Yes, we can have our session every night after the club closes or if you want it in the morning, we can have it whenever you want." The kiss was sweet and heartfelt. I felt a surge of electricity run through my veins in response to her simple act.

After dinner, we walked outside, no place in mind. We just held each other's hand as we mingled with people from all walks of life. It was a different feeling when you're walking leisurely- without any plans, any destination and holding the hand of a person that makes you feel that nothing else mattered.

We walked and talked for the next couple of hours, passing by a little coffee shop were we ordered latte's, sat down and talked some more.

"I guess we better be going," I finally said after glancing at my watch. It was closing time everywhere. Stalls were boarding up their little business, lights one by one were turning off from business here and there.

"Okay," Bella got up and shivered a little bit. She was wearing a silk black blouse with a little wrap that seemed a bit flimsy against the already nippy chill. I took off my jacket and draped it across her shoulders as we waited for our rented limousine.

Midnight Blue patrons were on their way out by the time Bella and I got there. Sidney was almost done stacking the newly washed glasses on the shelf by the time we walked in. He waved at us before returning his attention to his task. Lucy and Emmett were in one corner, cuddled, just like every other night since they got together. Blissful and so very much in love.

I led Bella towards the piano and had her sit on the piano bench while I flicked one light on- just enough for her to see what I was about to teach her. I sat next to her and watched her face briefly.

"Are you ready for your first lesson?"

She grinned at me, "Can you sing for me instead? You can teach me tomorrow."

"Sure…what do you want me to play for you?" I adjusted myself on the bench, our arms touching still.

"Surprise me," Bella rested her head on my shoulder. Her eyes fixed on the ivories.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, a habit I developed since I met her. I ran my fingers on the keys just adlibbing while I did a quick selection in my head, thinking of a song that I associated with Bella. After a few minutes of deliberation, I knew which one to play. I straightened my back and started the melody I knew so well.

**When She Believed In Me  
**  
_What can I write, all alone in the night  
What's left to sing, melodies from another life  
'nother time when the future was mine  
There was nothing that I couldn't be  
Long ago when she believed in me_

When do we know  
Do we learn to let go  
What time I love  
Love there the time is not enough  
still I'm here  
and thank God through my tears for the love that we were born to be  
more than just sweet memories

I close my eyes and I swear I hear her laughing  
Ever to remember her here inside of me  
One touch of her hand and then anything can happen  
I believed in magic when she believed in me.

Once in a lifetime  
Once and you'll find  
bitter and sweeter is the fact that a life that I love can never die

* * *

All the while I was playing, only Bella occupied my head. I was thinking of her close proximity, the feel of a her satin skin next to mine, the way she inclined her head and rested it on my shoulders, the steady beating of her heart and her scent…the very essence of what made her special and unique.

As soon as I stopped playing and dropped my hands on my lap- Bella turned to me clapping before she wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me on the cheek. A grateful expression was remarkably present as well as tears welling in her eyes. Surprisingly, Sidney, Emmett and Lucy were nowhere in sight. They must've have quietly slipped out to give Bella and me some privacy.

"I think I might be falling in love with you," she whispered. A revelation so intense I almost couldn't believe what I heard. I wanted to see how she looked after she said the words and listened in on her thoughts, invading her personal space for my own satisfaction.

She wasn't lying at all, and the tears…they were of joy.

"Bella, I love you…it seems like I've always love you." It was right. This was the right time.

I took her chin with my hand and tipped it up and my lips pressed on hers, a slow and gently worship to the woman who brought light to my life.

"I want you to come with me to my room." She said after our lips parted, she was already up on her feet and tugging at my arm.

I reluctantly agreed, not sure about the signals that I had been getting from her. I knew that I wanted, never doubted it but I wanted Bella to be certain of how she felt about me, and wherever she expected our relationship to go.

As soon as we were both in the room and the door locked behind us, Bella turned around in the dimly lit room to face me.

"I want you, if you'll take me." The words rang in my ears like church bells- undeniable, clear, direct and oh so sweet.

"You tempt me Bella, but are you sure this is what you really want?" I asked, feeling a mixture of apprehension and anticipation. No man would ever say no to a woman like her.

"This is what I want," she replied before she tiptoed and reached for my mouth with hers.

* * *

As you noticed, I can't post the link for the songs anymore, FFN had disabled linking in our profile. If you want to hear the music, look for it on Youtube, by Kenny Loggins.

**A/N:** RL had taken over for the last three months, making it impossible for me to concentrate on writing fan factions or anything at all. Well, I'm back! Well, as I mentioned before, I have no plans on abandoning my stories. I will finished them, just bear with me. Just to give you an idea of what I've been doing, well, I wrote a novel in 42 days, yes...I was a fool to challenge myself that I can do it and well, I did. LOL. It is now in the hands of an editor and I'm waiting for the verdict. Well, please put in a little prayer for me and while at it, cross your fingers too.

So... What do you think of the last chapter? Things are looking up for Edward and Bella right? Well, as I keep saying, good things comes to those who wait.

I must say that this story will be wrapping up soon. I promise this story will end with a bang!

Thanks to EE for working on this chapter despite her crazy schedule. Hugs to SK and Keye, awesome pre-readers and friends.

Thanks again and please leave me some love.


	23. Chapter 23 A Night to Remember

_"Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is."_ Gary Zukav

**Chapter 23: A Night to Remember**

**EPOV:**

Although much of what Bella was thinking wasn't lost to me, it still came as a shock to me when she claimed she wanted me. What I thought was a deliberation working inside her head wasn't expected to be verbalized at all. I didn't think she liked me enough to want to be with me, even if she said so. Unbelievable. Hearing her say so made me do a double take. I stood staring at her, dumbfounded, unable to find my voice. What in the hell should I do? _Cullen, you want this woman, tell her what you are. You are a vampire! Tell her before you take her._

I kept staring straight in her eyes, feeling every inch of my body reacting to her words, wanting to take what she was giving me. My knees began to weaken and my resolve chipped away. How could I deny myself the only woman I've ever wanted? Could life really be this cruel?

I've done what was right in my existence. I followed a strict code of ethics even other vampires considered laughable. I co-existed with humans as if I was one of them. Never threatening and never feeling I was entitled to much more because I was powerful and indestructible. This was the first test of my restraint, my reasoning, and the call of my flesh. I have girdled all desire and longing for Bella because I wanted to do right by her.

And now this. How could I not give myself a morsel of what love was all about? How far could I deny Bella? Myself?

"Edward?" Bella's voice snatched me out of my internal struggle. Her face remained close to mine, clutching on my waist like it was her lifeline. I felt myself being torn into two parts, one part wanted me to come out and tell her what I was, and the other wanted me to take what was being offered to me. I felt the deep conflict as I stared into her eyes.

"Bella… there's something I need to know you first."

Yes, my morals, whatever I had left from my previous life won out against the part of me that wanted to taste Bella, to claim her as mine. I had no idea how it'll work out. Where and how I would open such a delicate, more so, shocking revelation?

"Edward, please… all I want is you…right here, now."

Bella's whisper echoed inside my head, louder than any sound I've ever heard. I continued staring at her, a full blown struggle raged from within. Conflicted, tormented and lustful. I made one last attempt to give her the chance to hear me out first. I placed my hands on her shoulders and drew her away; her close proximity was intoxicating as it was, making it difficult for me to think.

"Bella, I think you need to know something about me first." I held her at arm's length, trying not to get carried away by the smolder in her brown eyes. Not to get caught in the heat of the moment, the ever growing hunger that would soon take the best of me.

"I know enough of you to know that I want to be with you Edward."

Her reply pushed me to the edge, where there wouldn't be any looking back. Her very words drove me to forget what I held dear for a long time, the woman I placed on a pedestal would now be mine.

"Bella, I don't want you to regret any of this."

"My only regret is if you turn me away."

Who in their right mind could resist such inviting words from a beautiful woman? With one swift move, I wrapped my arms around her waist, drew her closer and crashed my mouth into hers. It was no gentle kiss by any means. Instead, it was filled with hunger, pent up desire and uncontrollable urge to make love to her.

This was the side of me I didn't want to unleash. The primal side I knew I wouldn't be able to control once the floodgates had been opened. I tried to calm myself down, to take it slow, but the harder I tried, the more irrational I'd become.

Without breaking our kisses, I carried Bella to her bed, and set her down as I continued my assault on her lips, her mouth, bruising them in the process. I slicked my tongue in harder and deeper, and she responded eagerly. Without any spoken words, Bella began unbuttoning my shirt, her hands trembling as she released one button after the other. She kept at it until the very last button was undone. Her hands glided on my chest, touching, feeling and probing the lines of my chest, my stomach. She ran her fingers on my shoulder blades as if memorizing the contours of my body.

The surge of pleasure her touch had created, overwhelmed my senses, rendering me close to hopelessness. I was a slave to Bella. Everything about her made me want to scream, to tell her, to make her see, and to make her believe how much I worship her. How much I love her.

One hand worked on removing her dainty dress with restraint, trying hard not to succumb to my urge to rip her clothes apart. My other hand held her by the nape of her neck, not wanting our lips to part, allowing only a few seconds for her to gasp for air and resumed my assault to her mouth. I could hear the steady but accelerated beat of her heart, every moan she fought hard to stifle only added to my uncontrollable desire to be with her.

With the zipper unshackled and her body revealed to me, I allowed our mouths to part. I fixed my gaze on her lovely form, exposed in a way that still kept me wondering how her mounds looked like underneath her lacy bra, and how her naked sex would look like without her panties. Her chest heaved when she breathe, creating a little ripples radiating to the rest of her body. She was glorious, my Bella.

"Bella…you are so beautiful." I uttered the words in adoration; my eyes swept her entire body before I whispered. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you."

"How long has been Edward?" she licked her lips absent-mindedly, a single act enough to unhinged me, it drove me wild, insane with undeniable yearning to be with her.

"Ever since I laid eyes on you." I replied, my voice haggard, straining to restrain myself from attacking her at this very moment. She was all I'd ever wanted.

She thought for a moment, her mind racing to the first time we met, the consequences that surrounded our first meeting. That was the time when she was pre-occupied with Joe, and how she really hadn't notice me. She continued touching me as I stared at her.

"Touch me." She purred.

Bella's hand snaked to her back and I heard her bra unsnapped. She took my hands and gently laid them on top of her breasts. I looked down at her with fever raging through my body. I was already on fire without even having to touch her, and somehow, she knew this, her effect on me.

I cupped her breasts with my hands, feeling the softness of her flesh against my cold touch. She shivered and moaned with pleasure as I palmed her nipple, circling it in a way that brought a rush of mewling from her. Her throaty moans fueled me even more, and my mouth finally descended on her breast, aching to taste her. I let my tongue threw her over the edge, lighting her up.

She rubbed her thighs on my waist as I continued to play with her, loving the way she sounded. Loving the way her fingers dug on my back, scraping and grasping my skin, pulling me impossibly closer to her.

"I want to feel you inside me." She demurred.

"Bella, I don't know if this is right…" I tensed a little.

"Nothing else would be right but you and I together. Come… taste me."

Her invitation was hard to ignore, and I felt resolve fell apart. Pushing all rational thoughts aside, I ripped her bikini as if it was made of a single thread before I tore my pants and my boxers off my body. Lowering myself on her and bracing my arms on either side of her shoulders, I felt a little pang of hesitation, a sense of dread that I might hurt her.

"What's wrong Edward? I don't want you to think…just feel what is the right thing for us to do at this moment."

She pulled my neck down so our face was touching, my length rubbed against her opening. I felt the throbbing coming from my shaft, and I knew I wouldn't last very long if I didn't pace myself. Bella was much too lethal for me against my shredded self control.

"Come inside, I don't care for anything else. I need to feel you now." The words slashed in my mind and nothing else mattered at this moment, but her and me, together.

I slid myself into her, feeling her tightness right away. Her already slick entrance didn't offer any resistance; her walls embraced me as if I've always belonged there. Bella bucked her hips when I pushed myself in, completely filling her up. Moan after moan escaped my lips. If I thought I'd known ecstasy in my existence, then I was sorely mistaken. Heaven was here with me.

I thrust a few times to tease Bella and she responded with a series of whimpers followed by her fingers running through my hair, grabbing them by a fistful. Every time I pumped, she gasped, her eyes widened, and she would smile right after. I stopped listening to her thoughts, leaving her the privacy she deserved. I preferred to witness her reactions to me instead.

I could feel my own fervor surfacing with each and every thrust. Each push and pull brought my coming closer and closer. I pumped harder and felt her slick walls clung to me like tight vines climbing to see the light. I claimed Bella's mouth as I felt the imminent closed in on me. I held back a little knowing Bella was reaching her climax. Her head arched back as she reached her bliss, shuddering and crying out my name, setting my own euphoric high that couldn't be denied any longer. I groaned and jerked when I felt my release shattered within her. The feeling of unimaginable rapture caught me by surprise as Bella wrapped her legs on my waist, taking everything I had to give with wanton pleasure.

We collapsed next to each other on her small bed after, caving into the pleasure of being together. I watched Bella's mouth twitched into a satisfied smile when she gazed at me. This was the one thing I'd always thought as unreachable. Now, she was lying next to me, feeling as elated as I was. We both basked in the afterglow of our fevered lovemaking.

"Bella, I wanted our first time to be special and gentle. I didn't imagine turning like a raging madman on you. For that I apologize."

I took her hand and kissed it. Bella look bewildered at my statement. She squeezed my hand before she spoke.

"It was special Edward…it's what we both needed," she paused as if she wanted a confirmation from me, I gave her a nod. "We can always do it again…and we can make it gentle each time."

This brought a wicked smile on my face despite the nagging feeling that was slowly creeping in on me. I had to tell her. There was so much we had to talk about. She must know what I was. The situation she had gotten herself in, and the kind of man that she just made love to.

"I promise to be always gentle with you Bella." I heard myself say.

"Edward…" she turned to face me, her leg automatically landing on my thighs. She felt good, she felt so right, if only I could shake the plaguing reminder that she was totally blind to what I really was.

"I don't want to lose you." She murmured.

"Bella, you'll never lose me. I will always be around for you."

I drew her close to me, feeling every inch of her body against mine. My hands, in their own accord, ran across the smooth of her back as I nuzzled my face in her glorious mane. I thought about what she said, how she didn't want to lose me. How can I make her understand that I would be around for a long, long time? It was she I was afraid of losing. The fragility of her human life scared me. How I wish I could keep her with me for as long as I exist.

"Edward, didn't I tell you how lovely you looked tonight?" Bella said softly in my chest, her voice trailing, she was slipping into sleep. "Sing…"

I chuckled at her words.

It took me a few minutes to decide what I wanted to sing for her. I started humming the melody first while I stroked her hair. I felt her began to relax when my singing started.

* * *

*****I can't post the link anymore for the songs. If you want to listen for the chapter song, go to youtube and type I'll be by Edwin Mccain. Thanks.*****

_**I'll Be**_

_The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful__  
__Stop me and steal my breath__  
__And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky__  
__Never revealing their depth_

_And tell me that we belong together__  
__Dress it up with the trappings of love__  
__I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips__  
__Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder__  
__I'll be love suicide__  
__And I'll be better when I'm older__  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_And rain falls angry on the tin roof__  
__As we lie awake in my bed__  
__And you're my survival, you're my living proof__  
__My love is alive, and not dead_

_And tell me that we belong together__  
__Dress it up with the trappings of love.__  
__I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips__  
__Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above_

_And I'll be your cryin' shoulder__  
__I`ll be love suicide__  
__And I'll be better when I'm older__  
__I'll be the greatest fan of your life_

_And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,__  
__I tuned in, I turned on, remembered the thing that you said._

This was a night I could never forget. Its worth would be forever etched in my memory. Bella, no longer out of reach snuggled against my chest, holding me close she drifted into a peaceful slumber.

"I will love you forever Bella," I whispered.

* * *

**A/N: **So...here we are, finally seeing and experiencing the much anticipated fulfillment of Edward and Bella's relationship. What do you guys think?

We are almost done there.

Thanks to EE, SK and Keye for all you've done for me and this story. You guys are the best.


	24. Chapter 24 Melt into Wonder

**Chapter 24 Teaser: Melt into Wonder**

BPOV:

It couldn't be…the sun was already beating down the slats of the blinds when I opened my eyes. Sleep hadn't been in my vocabulary for a very long time. I rolled on the bed to check the time, and was shocked to see it was ten in the morning.

When was the last time I had overslept? I couldn't even remember. Gathering the sheets to cover my body, I got out of bed and smiled to myself. Yeah…in Edward's arms, I slept like a baby and it had been a blissful month since we got together.

I felt a blush spreading across my cheeks as thoughts of how happy and easy-going our relationship had been. Not to mention, how good the other aspects were. After each night of work, he walks me back in my apartment and either stays for the night, or oftentimes, leaves after I've fallen asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** If you want more- visit me and the story at

http (:) /freewritersandreaders . ning . com

I actively have my own group there where all my stories are posted in one place. Secure a membership and tell them I sent you. As soon as your membership is accepted, find me here:

http (:) /freewritersandreaders . ning group/lfc-hotstuff-s-stories

You will get alerts once I post new stories and chapters. It's easy to navigate the site and the only place where you'll find my stories.

(Don't forget to remove the spaces and parentheses when copying into address bar!)


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